Megan B.'s Comments

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Short Story- Cherub (tentative title) by Megan B.

Sep 9, 2008 | comments: 6

Megan B. Sep 10, 2008, 7:53pm EDT

I would spend more time with this if I actually thought it would be worth it. It's just a writing prompt I finished in fifteen minutes and decided to post on a whim.

Maybe someday I'll go back to it, and if I do I'll take your advice Karl. Thank you for taking the time to critique it, it's almost a shame I'm not going to do anything with it. You almost make me want to rewrite it. (Completely. Lol.)

Anyway, thanks all for your comments and suggestions.. I appreciate them, and enjoy reading them. Even the unflattering ones. Especially the unflattering ones.

[2] Prologue for my novel (updated version will be up shortly) by Nick S.

Jul 14, 2008 | comments: 4

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 10:56pm EDT

Hey, if you want to let off some steam, you should stop by and pick my short stories apart. :-)

They're still WIPs, so feedback is very welcome.

(You'll find a lot of the same mistakes in mine, you notice your own vices or something like that. lol)

some fun things to do..by Michael by michael reisman

Jun 25, 2008 | comments: 3

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 10:53pm EDT

I like the teller one.. (I'm a teller, btw) I also liked the last one.

lmoa..

[2] Prologue for my novel (updated version will be up shortly) by Nick S.

Jul 14, 2008 | comments: 4

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 10:49pm EDT

It's a lot better :-) You successfully rid yourself of the "figure" problem.

You still overuse "was," however, and quite a few of your sentences need condensing.

"The mumbling was now audible... it was a spell spoken in some strange language of which the invisible watcher could only understand, a handful of words."

Try- "The mumbling became audible.. a spell spoken in a strange language, the watcher (invisible can be implied by the reader) only understood a handful of words."

"The two bearers began turning their burden to face him towards the fire. Just as he was being turned though his haunted eyes were caught in a stare by the eyes of those observing from between the trees in the darkness. The utter terror and pain in those eyes caused several images to go through the hidden figure's mind."

Try- "The bearers turned their burden to face the fire. Light flickered in the victims eyes, capturing his utter pain and terror. (shorter..) The sight seared into watcher's mind, twisting and blurring into images of the past (a little less telling, trying to show instead)."

Obviously, you really shouldn't use mine.. I'm just trying to show you how to cut out unnecessary words by rearranging sentence structure (and in some cases, actually cutting out unneeded sentences.) Also, keep in mind that you want to show, not tell.

Anyway, just a couple examples with suggestions off the top of my head... I'm sure you'll come up with better.

Feel free to use them at your whim :-)

( ~~Watch for passive voice~~ )

Looking forward to the final copy!!

What Would You Do? by Selene N.

Jul 6, 2008 | comments: 26

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 7:45pm EDT

Yeah right.. you're all liars..

lol just kidding!!

I'd turn it in. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't, although I might wish I hadn't on occasion.. :-P

A Photo by Selene N.

Jul 4, 2008 | comments: 6

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 7:43pm EDT

Thats so cute.. I bet she had a lot of fun :-)

A Photo by Selene N.

Jul 5, 2008 | comments: 13

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 7:41pm EDT

~What a little sweetheart!~

I remember playing dress up..

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone & Writing an Article for Associated Content by Teresa W.

Jul 15, 2008 | comments: 19

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 7:35pm EDT

Congrats! I'll check it out and add one to your views :-) even though I'm not really that into RV camping..

Evolution is a FACT by Emily H.

Jul 15, 2008 | comments: 12

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 7:32pm EDT

Evolution is a Theory. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "bible thumper," far from it. I'm just saying.

Not all things that can be observed are fact..

While people remain so divided, and a lot of people argue against evolution, it will remain a theory. Not until evidence is found that almost all people believe to be concrete, it will remain a theory. It's a thoroughly backed up and highly supported theory, but it is still just that.

For the record, I believe in the Theory of Evolution and I don't believe in Creationism.

A Photo by Megan B.

Jul 13, 2008 | comments: 6

Megan B. Jul 15, 2008, 6:50pm EDT

lmao karl.. a guy in drag. sweet. just what I was going for :-P

A Photo by Megan B.

Mar 22, 2008 | comments: 5

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:25pm EDT

lol, I kinda always look pissed though.. :-P

A Photo by Megan B.

Mar 30, 2008 | comments: 2

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:24pm EDT

Yeah, me too. Less cluttered, I'll probably just go with this one.

A Photo by Megan B.

Apr 1, 2008 | comments: 3

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:22pm EDT

Do you really? lol. Can I ask you why?

I'm rather partial to the new one..

A Photo by Megan B.

Apr 1, 2008 | comments: 4

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:21pm EDT

Thanks! The font is called "Tall Paul."

A Photo by Megan B.

May 12, 2008 | comments: 8

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:19pm EDT

Thank you Selene :-)

I know, I know.. I'm told I need to smile more a lot. =) :P

A Photo by Megan B.

Jul 13, 2008 | comments: 6

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:17pm EDT

Thanks!!

(the answer is kind of obscure... so I don't really expect anyone to know it :P)

A Photo by Nick S.

Jul 9, 2008 | comments: 4

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:09pm EDT

kewl.. did you make it, or find it? :P

I love dragons... they're right up there with vampires and Slayer. lol..

Prologue for my novel (finished version will be up shortly) by Nick S.

Jul 11, 2008 | comments: 5

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:05pm EDT

Oh, watch for the words "was" and "had." (Passive voice.)They bog down your writing and take some wind out of it.

They're also easy to fix, once you know to look for them.

Prologue for my novel (finished version will be up shortly) by Nick S.

Jul 11, 2008 | comments: 5

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 10:03pm EDT

It's getting there.. I agree that it's a bit wordy, but that's not too hard to fix. It's a common problem, especially with the first drafts (when you're just trying to get it all out.) I'm guilty of it myself..

I like the descriptions you've weaved in. You have some powerful images here.

As for the overuse of figure; shadow might work.. You could also just replace a few with "he," "she," or "them/they", too. Pronouns..

Sorry I'm lacking on other ideas. I'm sure you'll think of something.

:-)

A Photo by Megan B.

Jun 8, 2008 | comments: 4

Megan B. Jul 13, 2008, 9:21pm EDT

Cube farm? ..I don't get it. lol

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Megan B.

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