Teresa May M.'s Comments

Night Terrors by Shelbia C.

Apr 23, 2008 | comments: 55

Teresa May M. Apr 28, 2008, 1:40am EDT

hmmm...try to imagine this image: the dream is a panopticon..it hovers you as you sleep that you, in turn, thinks it's already a demonic thing in itself....you may try to work in this idea:)

Night Terrors by Shelbia C.

Apr 23, 2008 | comments: 55

Teresa May M. Apr 28, 2008, 1:35am EDT

the dream as demons?hmmm..that's good...but it doesn't show in your poetry...there has to be some BIG changes in your first draft. rework the image. the YOU can be confused as a person.tsk..tsk..tsk...

A Treatise on Hope, Amal, Tikvah, Esperanza by Ylanne Sorrows

Apr 18, 2008 | comments: 32

Teresa May M. Apr 26, 2008, 1:12pm EDT

in filipino, the quote goes: "habang may buhay, may pag-asa..."
how true. so many things have been written about life and hope and all those abstractions that when they add up, they become dogmatic for some. yet, it is still up to us to truly evaluate which of the 'things' weigh more. hope only happens when there's life, as life is realized with hope. it's cyclical and always an interlocking of virtues/significations/priorities/principles/et al.
but then again, this article speaks true of what has become of life.

Night Terrors by Shelbia C.

Apr 23, 2008 | comments: 55

Teresa May M. Apr 26, 2008, 12:39pm EDT

hi, shelbia. i love the tone in your poem. it's too passionate. there's too much pain in it that for a first reading, it really sounds beautiful. however, reading it again, there's a need for revision; for improvement so as to bring the image and the insight on the surface.
since, as i understood in your poem, you are trying to write about somebody (the you) leaving you in your dreams, make that scene vivid. i suggest that you start with another line. SHOW DON'T TELL. don't just say that: In my dreams I watch you leave. but f u insist on sticking with that, make your beginning line more dramatic. what about a line break? or, interchange the order of your words? or PUNCTUATIONS? (a classmate of mine in poetry could pull off a poem without any PUNCTUATIONS. or if there's any, just a period at the end of the poem.)
the dream is a good motif, though an overused one in poetry. to make your poem powerful and effective, why not (my suggestion) show that it's all but a dream at the end of your poem? or, why not just imply that it's a dream through the title? DEMONS is too strong a word. it signifies and shows me a different thing other than what is in your poem...well, that is for me.
hmmm...here's a few revisions i made...hope this could help.

I watch you leave--
Again
My eyes raining
Enough tears
to cover us both
(your tight fisted heart
won't let you shed a tear).

Its over--
And I watch you leave
Again: the jagged edge of pain
Running through my soul
And your eyes
Betraying nothing

It's over.
I am alone.
My dreams-- they're
Broken pieces from the past
Worthless bits
Of hope left
To wither and waste
In the dust,

In my dreams
I watch you leave
Again

(this is if you want to incorporate the word dream in the poem. If not, the ending could go: I watch you leave/ Again.)

The People's Government by Teresa May M.

Apr 25, 2008 | length: 02:25 | comments: 3

Teresa May M. Apr 26, 2008, 8:02am EDT

thank u

Dorothy by Teresa May M.

Apr 13, 2008 | comments: 3

Teresa May M. Apr 25, 2008, 8:18am EDT

thanks for the comments

Inside the prayer room by Teresa May M.

Dec 24, 2007 | comments: 3

Teresa May M. Dec 25, 2007, 11:24am EST

erratum:

hear should be here:)

Inside the prayer room by Teresa May M.

Dec 24, 2007 | comments: 3

Teresa May M. Dec 25, 2007, 11:22am EST

thank you
happy christmas as well

what i was trying to do hear is reflect a kind of relationship between parents and children (for my undergrad thesis in creative writing.)

and i'm really fetching for comments and suggestions, et al.
thanks for being the first one to do so:)

unhitch by Teresa May M.

Oct 14, 2007 | comments: 4

Teresa May M. Oct 16, 2007, 4:30am EDT

hey...wat's that song?
do u have a copy of that lyrics? u see am doing my undergrad thesis and am interested n writing about parent-child relationship thingy
:)

unhitch by Teresa May M.

Oct 14, 2007 | comments: 4

Teresa May M. Oct 15, 2007, 1:45pm EDT

that's a very insightful comment. thanks eucliffe. quite deep really. well, ur almost there. ur there, i guess. the image i'm trying to come up with this one is that of two people, one trying to make it to the base, while the other is on the defensive. anyway, the hair simply suggests another of the other person's will to make it to the base..unsuccessfully.

Five Book Myths I am Tired of Refuting, but Must Continue to Do So by Julie Ann Dawson

Oct 12, 2007 | comments: 33

Teresa May M. Oct 15, 2007, 1:32pm EDT

yeah, i agree to what you have written. especially number two. everything has been written under the sun after all. as plato would have said, it's memetic. ideas are simply recycled. it's up to the writer to have that artistic license to make an old idea a new representation of something.
anyway, this is the first time i heard of book myths and copyright/publishing laws et al:)
but, it's quite refreshing. thanks:)

The Stance (Joke) by Luna Rushdi

Aug 19, 2007 | comments: 13

Teresa May M. Oct 15, 2007, 1:10pm EDT

i could relate to that... that's the reason why i don't eat or drink too much when i go to the city.:)

Some clean humor by William M.

Oct 14, 2007 | comments: 47

Teresa May M. Oct 15, 2007, 12:41pm EDT

is that really true about wedding cakes? haha...(dat's sumthing to think about.)

Manolo Blahnik by Teresa May M.

Oct 13, 2007 | comments: 4

Teresa May M. Oct 14, 2007, 11:29am EDT

(disclaimer)
i have nothing against the shoes, people:)

top

Teresa May M.
mindanao,philippines

funny, healthy, happy,

Gather | Friends | Groups | Share