The meaning of the snake image is clearly spelled out in the last lines of your spectacular work -

Even if cut, you'll not fall to my feet
Bittersweet acceptance - knowing smile
I'm lost and infected with infinite desire

the dragon within - that both enthralls and ensnares - it has so many conncections -  and alludes of course to the original snake in that struggle with desire. The snake also connects to symbols of the dragon - and those are both powerful  and potentially evil.

The poem sketches out the inner struggle with desire but beyond that engages us in mythic conflict of good and evil, desire and restraint.

Perception and reality nicely positioned here to jar us with the conceptualization of what is - the botonist will know, as if reality depended on the knowledge of some botonist. Its subtle in the vein of Gary Synder and Wallace Stevens - an impressive amount of intellectual weight for such a small poem.

The last stanza is a standout  -  by itself it is a spectacular bit of writing -

Like your line 'roads in hearts of men' and the total effect of the poem - the lines build nicely to the sharp ending.

In the first half your painterly ability to create images is at its best. What I like about the poem is that you seem to have welded the two kinds of poetry you have been working with in this one. I see first the glorious images then the gritty reality -

The first one is just right -  in tone and substance - (the man she likes to hate). Once again you are working outside what I perceive is the comfort zone and thus the  poem achieves a greater/higher standard for doing so. The sense of desolation in this and others that you have written lately is captured - each time anew with a different subject.

struggling with waves after waves.  ( I think you mean wave after wave)

The burnt out landscape is tremendous - and of course a Jobian wind. Darker poems from you my friend.

This is a fine piece of writing - reminding me of "Marigolds" by Collier - I have to smile at the white on black technique - very clever - Why hasn't any one else discovered you yet - this is superior work.

Yes - I did get that - i was just thinking through it logically - and i totally agree with  the idea that poems sometimes 'don't make sense' . Poems are about the feeling in the moment - that is one of the strongest things about your work.

My own feeling is that a poem is 'already there' and you just pull it down or it whistles through you like wind and you have to hurry to get it down. "Fragments" was like that for me - It was like wind I had to catch.

I would agree with John Beck about making sense in this way - The part of getting it down - sometimes we just are not quick enough so it comes out a little different than it appeared. Its my belief that the poem exists out there in a way that will make sense to anyone. We just  have to get it down right.

What I thought you were alluding to in line 2 is how the ocean appears deepest at the end of the day - which is why i  think the stars are langorous - ie not ready to come out - hanging out and just about to pop up - in that context then the 'petals in the sky' are those last clouds that make a setting sun look somewhat like a flower. Any of this seem right Jen?

Strong and compelling work - I very much like the way the parallel structure works for you here - it allows that last line to crash down on the reader -

There are so many pieces in this to praise - the greasy grass - bayonets and bad tranlators ---- but this one "bury the heart of justice in South Dakota snow" is tremendously effective and I believe really sets the stage for the final sun dance at the end.

Its almost like John McPhee  but then you add in the folk mystery which adds another dimension to the work. You also add in a painterly vision of the mountain - Wordsworthian almost. Its impressive work - the detail and time built nicely into the story -

Most impressive is that the voice here is  unlike your other writing - hard to accomplish and yet you do it with wonderful bits of sensory images and personification.

I have also lived where there are still shells in the ground from war - its an odd experience. Here you juxtapose it nicely with your exploration of your relationship to your grandparents.

I like your approach here - its like an archeological dig - precisely dusting the edges of each item- its your journalistic voice coming back - very strong writing and sharper having done all the creative work.

Goodness no Jen - I couldn't ever have written what you wrote - not in my style at all - so whatever I did was a twist on your work and your voice - which you put together nicely. You are trying to do something that is very hard - that moment of intimacy -  the sense of purity -

Everything I write is depressing --- acck and I sometimes get out of my funk to write something funny - but never/ever like what you write.

Yes - I really like that you kept the middle part - now I see where you were going with that - 'bees' part - it does keep your voice and  go to a better place - what you did was make what I wrote your own.

The first two thirds of this is perhaps your best writing yet - exact and simple - its a wonderful demonstration of your mastery of image and tone .

I'm just not getting how the end goes with the beginning - although I would definately like my days to end as you suggest!!!!

Forgive my editing - I had someone do this once to me and it seemed somewhat insulting - however I like your work so much - bear with me:

Ocean deep the day

tide swims out to

stars floating like petals

In the sky

quieter than

your breath

Drifting in and out of sleep.

My fingers on your lips

feels like moonlight

pure white on surging

currents

Well that was worthwhile for me - but possibly not for you - its not the same message  but my point is  that the beginning of your poem suggests we are going somewhere much more sublime - well I mean in a spritual ---jeebs I can't think of how to describe the essence of what you want to get to.

Just a thought - and I hope you think of this as a deep compliment - I am giving you and your writing - I wouldn't bother with a lesser work.

Eros becomes more and more a trouble maker as time goes on (Trojan War) but there are some very precious small stories where Eros has a different kind of voice. I didn't catch the Artemis connection - Eve knows her stuff -  I don't think you can let go of what moves you - it just does - its the nature of 'genius' which is more like a storm that captures us than it is something you can control.