Jeff K.'s Comments

It's a New Year! by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Jan 6, 2010 | recommended: 3 | comments: 5

Jeff K. Jan 6, 2010, 1:37pm EST

Contrary to popular opinion, George Carlin did have a serious bone or two in his body. His observations on the aging process are hilarious, but right on the mark. And, if you notice, there's not a bit of profanity in the observation. So there!

Now, why stop at a hundred and a half? The going thought is a hundred and twenty! [unless you interpret a hundred and a half to be equivalent to 150].

Getting Creative in the Kitchen by Brittney R.

Jan 3, 2010 | recommended: 2 | comments: 17

Jeff K. Jan 4, 2010, 4:42pm EST

have a few questions for you. When you were "growing up", how much effort was placed on food preparation by your primary household "chef"? Furthermore, what was your interest level in eating to begin with?

Unless you're going to attempt some of the more complex dishes that Julia put out, there really isn't anything that difficult about cooking or baking. Don't laugh. It's true.

My wife crafted some embroidery which states in large letters: "Even My Failures Are Edible".

For what it's worth, my mother made sure that when we left her nest all of us kids could fend for themselves in any household chore. We didn't have to like it, but we could do it. Cooking and baking was one of those chores.

From my perspective if I look at a recipe and it has more than 8 or 9 ingredients, I'll look for another one - unless it's just "cream the butter and sugar, add eggs, mix, add spices mix, then whatever else needs to be done like roll out onto a cookie sheet, slice and bake.

For a roast, use a slow cooker; wash and rinse the meat add spices to taste, throw the roast into the cooker, cover, let roast for 4-5 hours on medium heat.

Real simple stuff. That's how you start. If it turns into a task worse than "work" then something is wrong.

Relax, take a chill pill and don't try keeping up Mrs. Super Smythe down the road until you feel confident you can bury her with one hand tied behind your back and your eyes closed.

2010 - The Year In Preview by Mike Ball

Jan 1, 2010 | recommended: 1 | comments: 8

Jeff K. Jan 4, 2010, 2:41pm EST

Europeans go on holiday in July. If Americans stick with August, the global financial crises will heal all by itself, without any intervention. I say we send the governmental units from Washington DC on a one-way tire tube trip to Havanah, Cuba.

Your A, B, Cs by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Jan 3, 2010 | recommended: 5 | comments: 8

Jeff K. Jan 4, 2010, 12:30am EST

How come I can nod my head "yes" to all of these except I and O? And just because I'm 63, I don't qualify as a geezer.

Boy or Girl? by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Jan 3, 2010 | recommended: 7 | comments: 12

Jeff K. Jan 4, 2010, 12:17am EST

Walter,

These definitions will not be found in any credible science text. Therefore, they are quite funny and enjoyable.

MPG by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Jan 3, 2010 | recommended: 1 | comments: 4

Jeff K. Jan 4, 2010, 12:07am EST

That is quite a value, indeed. Now, we need somebody to invent a beer-powered mechanical engine that has a kangaroo's kick to it.

New Year's Wishes by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Jan 1, 2010 | recommended: 6 | comments: 7

Jeff K. Jan 2, 2010, 4:23am EST

Great collection; super way to send off 2010. Thanks

Y’all Can Call Me Al……Seibert! by Ed Williams

Dec 27, 2009 | recommended: 4 | comments: 78

Jeff K. Dec 28, 2009, 3:36am EST

It may be hard to believe this, but I was not anywhere near the most popular person in my classes. That's from kindergarten on up through high school.

That being the case, I was given many nicknames, none of them (save for one) being suitable for sharing on this site because we'd have to flag it as rated "R".

There was one nickname given to me by a world famous concert clarinetist with whom I was honored to take lessons from. My last name is Kaplan. Put an R after the K then sound it out. Let me tell you, when he first came out with that one, I wanted to shove his magnificent concert "A" licorice stick right up his hoo-hah and follow it with an umbrella, which I'd then open for maximum effect. The only thing stopping me was his stature and respect in the orchestral world.

It's interesting that we should turn the other cheek, not get upset with thoughtlessness of others and not wish bad tidings to any individual. Yet the undercurrent of intense hurt experienced after having had an unkind word or name hurled at us is not easily forgotten nor forgiven.

Of all the things to remember about nicknames, presented eloquently and humorously by "Al Siebert", I had to spoil the mood by dumping on y'all. Sorry. Maybe now, 50 years later, I have finally put this issue to bed.

Somewhere in your state, you can find a highway having a number that fits this finale; I'll use 26; you use whatever one you choose:

"Here's wishing everyone a safe, happy and healthy New Year. And if you've been drinking away from your home and find yourself driving home either east or west on highway (26), be real careful, because that highway runs north and south!"

Personals Ad by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Dec 27, 2009 | recommended: 7 | comments: 9

Jeff K. Dec 28, 2009, 2:27am EST

A very interesting tale, posted on Craigslist, right along with postings for special services for "adult" clientele.

One more thing. The presumption is made here that the slime ball who ended up soiling himself can actually read and comprehend that epistle to begin with.

Polygamy by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Dec 27, 2009 | recommended: 5 | comments: 12

Jeff K. Dec 28, 2009, 2:05am EST

Excellent observation about reality.

Merry Christmas by Dan E.

Dec 25, 2009 | recommended: 1 | comments: 15

in reply to a comment by Carol Lloyd

Jeff K. Dec 25, 2009, 11:15pm EST

Carol, what is a trusy sidekick?

Oh, Neverrrrr Miiiinnnnd.

LOL.

As long as religions keep preaching that if "you don't follow our beliefs and teachings your soul will burn in H---" the prospects for a true and lasting peace on earth shall remain elusive.

Merry Christmas by Dan E.

Dec 25, 2009 | recommended: 1 | comments: 15

Jeff K. Dec 25, 2009, 11:05pm EST

Here's one for you: "Glitlecha Kratzmach".

PTL and pass the ammunition.

Ho-ho-ho!

My Jewish tradition with some extra by golds g.

Nov 3, 2009 | comments: 73

Jeff K. Dec 24, 2009, 10:03pm EST

Claims about "my mother's" chicken soup is "the absolute best" notwithstanding, making chicken soup is quite simple.

Either a roasting or frying chicken can be used with a roaster being preferable. If you can find them, one or two chicken feet should be used as well. Cut the chicken (not the feet) into quarters and remove ONLY the rib cage. NEVER remove the skin. If you do, you have removed most of the natural flavor and nutritional value from the soup.

Fill a soup pot half to three-quarters full of cold water. Add the chicken, some fresh vegetables (carrots, one or two quartered yellow onions, some quartered white potatoes, celery, chopped parsley) freshly ground black pepper and salt (optional). Cover and simmer for a few hours. Allow to sit for about 15 minutes; serve.*

If you want chicken - noodle soup, prepare the noodles separately. Add them to the soup shortly before you are going to enter the "settle" phase and mix them in.

For other variations, talk to your mothers.

*There are some people, like my grandfather - G-d rest his soul - who prefer their soup to be served boiling hot. Bless them and serve their soup before letting it settle for the rest of your gang. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul if the soup isn't hot enough.

My Jewish tradition with some extra by golds g.

Nov 3, 2009 | comments: 73

in reply to a comment by KittyMommy2u W.

Jeff K. Dec 24, 2009, 9:28pm EST

Kitty,

I'm not sure you ever got a reply from Golds, so I will attempt to answer your questions.

1) Lamb and bitter herbs (greens) are two separate issues.

(1A) Lamb: There is no restriction regarding eating lamb (or any other kosher animal's meat) on Passover. The restriction is on how an animal is prepared for eating on Passover. Simply, no "roasted" meat can be eaten on Passover.

Google "lamb at passover" as search criteria for a wealth of information on the eating of Lamb. Note: Jews DO NOT support any of the New Testament attributions in Rabbi Yeshua's writings uncovered by this search argument.

(1B) Bitter herbs or "greens". During the Passover Seder (service) [SAY-dur] bitter herbs are symbolic of the bitter life the Israelites were forced to live under Pharoh's rule. No direct relationship to the lamb.

(2) Unleavened bread: Contemporary name is "Matzoh". You can find matzoh on the shelves of most grocery stores any time of the year. For Passover, you can only use matzoh made from matzoh flour. That is flour made from wheat which was supervised (watched) from the time it was planted through its harvesting and grinding and eventual baking into Passover Matzoh. Once the wheat has been harvested, it cannot be exposed to water or any other leavening agent lest it rise.

I hope this long answer has clarified the issues you had been concerned about. If not, feel free to send me a direct email through Gather.

A Bearded Confession (Holiday Humor) by John Philipp

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 15 | comments: 66

Jeff K. Dec 24, 2009, 7:33pm EST

John!

Your photogenic sidekick seems to have lost his bright red nose light. You must have cut off his juice rations.

You better look out,
You better not shout,
You better not pout,
We're telling you why.
John the Santathrope
Has come to your town.

Yo-ho-ho!

A Bearded Confession (Holiday Humor) by John Philipp

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 15 | comments: 66

in reply to a comment by Bill W.

Jeff K. Dec 24, 2009, 7:19pm EST

"Phew"?
"Other cheeks"?
"Warm butt"?

How do you know all these fairly, almost intimate, factoids?

Be well; Happy Holandaise!

Bugs Vs. Mickey! by Ed Williams

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 14 | comments: 264

in reply to a comment by Elizabeth O.

Jeff K. Dec 20, 2009, 1:46pm EST

WB issued a statement shortly after Mel's death within which they stated that they had so many recordings of Mel voicing phrases that they could continue making cartoons with his voice for a very long time.

In addition, Mel had a son who is able to do many of the WB characters, but not all of them.

Decompression by Walker Bennett, SF Author

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 2 | comments: 3

Jeff K. Dec 20, 2009, 1:36pm EST

Who the heck needs a heads-up display or a G-suit anyway?

Bugs Vs. Mickey! by Ed Williams

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 14 | comments: 264

in reply to a comment by Kris P.

Jeff K. Dec 20, 2009, 1:00pm EST

Do I hear an A M E N ?

AMEN, brother, AMEN!

Bugs Vs. Mickey! by Ed Williams

Dec 20, 2009 | recommended: 14 | comments: 264

Jeff K. Dec 20, 2009, 11:49am EST

"Now lissen to me boy. I ain't talkin' jus to hear mah head roar!"

"Boy, you goin' about that awl wrong"

I totally agree with you on all counts, especially on Foghorn Leghorn.

You gotta understand that I was a bit of a comedian at work. Unusual for a computer geek but it takes all kinds, you know. We had a Warner Bros. retail store down the road a piece where I bought a stuffed Foghorn animal. I brought Foghorn to the office and sat him down in view of everyone walking the aisles. I designed my own ribbons with Foghorn Leghorn's hilarious quips and stretched them across his "arms". The folks in the know would raise comments and try to imitate Foghorn's voice and roll out a quip or two. Laughter would erupt. It was great.

Among the items that I always thought missing from the store was Foghorn apparel. I got called at home one day advising me that a Foghorn T-shirt was available. I checked it out and I gotta tell you, fan or not, that shirt was U-G-L-Y. The base color was chicken crap green and neither I nor the clerk at the store were particularly impressed.

Another great post, fella!