Matthew Miller's Comments

Community Content Selection (and the Great Ratings Debate) by Tom Gerace

May 5, 2006 | rating: 9.4 | comments: 94

Matthew Miller May 5, 2006, 9:04pm EDT

I notice a lot of people are recommended some kind of weighted system. This just seems ripe with problems. You would have too many people complaining it was unfair that their rating did not count as much as your rating. Or people would become indifferent to the rating all together: why rate an article if your rating might not be worth as much as the next rating.

Community Content Selection (and the Great Ratings Debate) by Tom Gerace

May 5, 2006 | rating: 9.4 | comments: 94

Matthew Miller May 5, 2006, 8:22pm EDT

I think any kind of rating system whether 1-10 or "thumbs up/thumbs down" is flawed in a community setting such as this, because each individual rates differently. Where you might rate for grammar, I might rate for how much it kept my attention. Rather than focus on why I don't think a rating system works, I want to offer a possible solution:

Each member manages a Top 10 list of their ten favorite articles on Gather. There could possibly be an overall Top 10 list and lists for broad categories such as fiction, politics, humor, etc. Your Top 10 list could be viewed by anyone on your member page.

The articles listed in the most Top 10 lists would be recommended on the home page. To keep the lists from getting stale and the same articles always being recommended on the home page, articles older than a month (or some other predetermined interval) would automatically be kicked out of your Top 10 list, and you would have to replace it with a newer article.

Hero Worship by Stuart G.

Apr 19, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 18

Matthew Miller May 1, 2006, 11:24pm EDT

Before I offer even a tad of constructive criticism, let me say this poem is phenomenal in structure and in the emotions it conveys.

Constructive Criticism: I think including the math equation was a creative device, but I wish you would give some indication as how to read it. Your poem has a lovely flow and rhythm to it, but I paused at the equation considering whether I should pronounce the operators, parenthesis, etc. By the time I continued, the flow was broken for me.

I reviewed this article as a part of the Constructive Criticism group. Please take a look at my article for the group: The Angel of Death.

Karl's Last Flight, Part 11 by Basil Sands

Apr 11, 2006 | rating: 9.6 | comments: 4

Matthew Miller Apr 25, 2006, 12:34am EDT

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Your Sentence:
His heart was beating so loudly in his own hears that he thought whoever stood in the alley could hear the thunderous pounding.
Correction:
I think you meant "ears."
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Ice Cream Scoop Saga Part 2: It's Back by Matthew Miller

Apr 24, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 2

Matthew Miller Apr 25, 2006, 12:24am EDT

This only Part 2 in the saga of the ice cream scoop. It does continue. I was never able to prove it was Nathan or Daniel, so maybe it really was Carlos.

Learning How to Worship from Leviticus by Matt Hofeld

Apr 24, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 2

Matthew Miller Apr 25, 2006, 12:23am EDT

I love how you break down the entire book of Leviticus and use it to bring out points about worship. You make some great points. Thanks.

Couch Mints by Matthew Miller

Apr 23, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 5

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 11:45pm EDT

It's the couch mint eaters that make the world a happier place.

Ice Cream Scoop Saga Part 1: Attack of the Squirrels by Matthew Miller

Apr 21, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 3

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 11:43pm EDT

I tend to exaggerate things rather than create complete fabrications. You should be able to tell what is greatly exaggerated. If it involves Carlos, chances are parts of it are "creative." I think Carlos has a place in these stories, because when my roommates and I recounted them we would often include Carlos just to throw off our friends. Our message on the answering machine even said, "You have reached Daniel, Nathan, Matthew, and Carlos." We had some of our friends truly believing we had another roommate named Carlos by the end of the summer--and these were friends who visited our apartment regularly.

Niftamir: Prologue by AiLing K.

Apr 22, 2006 | rating: 9.3 | comments: 15

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 10:20pm EDT

Very good length for a prologue. Gets me interested in the story and whets my appetite for battles, and kings, and faraway lands withouth giving away much else. Please share more with us, because I am anxious to read the story that goes along with this excellent prologue.

Personally, I am always a little turned off by stories with either hard to pronounce names or names that simply don't roll off my tongue. I would definitely recommend changing "Norvegicus" to something else.

The story reads much better with the redundant "he's" removed. Your sentence structure is still a little redundant. All of these sentences use a similar device:

"The atrocious voice in Norvegicus' head echoed in the dust of fury, of destruction, of emptiness."
"Emitting a howl which reverberated like thunder in the barren land, he fell to his knees, weeping."
"His fingers found the body, lying there, all alone."
"Gently, Norvegicus took him into his arms, wrapped him in a piece of cloth, kissed his mangled body."

Try reading these sentences out loud. You'll start to feel like William Shatner really fast. I did. This isn't a bad way to structure your sentences, you just don't want it to become redundant. Don't be scared to use conjunctions. They really do have a purpose. Using the last sentence I pointed out as an example: "Gently, Norvegicus took him into his arms, wrapped him in a piece of cloth, and kissed his mangled body."

You also asked for us to critique word choice: "...everything crackled under his feet." In a piece of prose where you have used such beautiful, specific, and descriptive words, "everything" seems out of place. It doesn't form a good mental picture in my mind. What is crackling? Plastic wrappers someone threw on the battlefield. How careless of them!

Now this last suggestion is very subjective, so take it or leave it.

"He mustn't be too late..."

Ellipses are overused. Ellipses have a very specific function, indicating an omission, but I'll fudge and use them myself for other purposes--especially in fiction--occasionally. They are often used to express "To be continued..." which does seem to fit with their purpose of indicating an omission.

I just don't feel they are required here. It is a prologue. We expect it to be continued. In this specific case, I believe a simple period would be more dramatic. "He mustn't be too late." Period. Not "turn to the next page quickly" and we'll see him not being late. Just "he can't be late." It's not possible. Make the reader say, "Ah, I'll turn to the next page quickly to see if he makes it in time" rather than ordering the reader to turn the page.

My other subjective comment about this last sentence is the unsightly use of a conjunction. As you'll notice, my comment is full of conjunctions, but my comment is also informal. I always consider a fictional story as formal writing, and conjunctions (outside of dialogue) just distract me from the drama.

Karl's Last Flight, Part 10 by Basil Sands

Apr 7, 2006 | rating: 9.4 | comments: 5

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 1:09am EDT

Not only am I pulled in by all the action, but you evidently have done quite a bit of studying about Iranian culture. It is extremely interesting.

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Your Sentence:
Liam parked across the street, caddy-corner to Faisel's shop, facing the Nissan towards outside of the town to make a quick getaway.
Correction:
Wouldn't sound quite so awkward as "...facing the Nissan towards the outside of the town..."
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Your Sentence:
As they approached the SUV a shot rang out behind them.
Correction:
Comma. "As they approached the SUV, a shot rang out behind them."
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Your Sentence:
Karl jumped into the drivers side...
Correction:
Apostrophe: "Karl jumped into the driver's side..."
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Your Sentence:
At that moment, the rear window burst into a thousand tiny blocks of glass, a second shot hit the glass and the whole panel fell into the back of the SUV.
Correction:
Run-on sentence.
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Your Sentence:
The Irishman laid in seat, covering Faisel with his body
Correction:
I think the proper form is "lay."
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Karl's last flight, part 9 by Basil Sands

Apr 5, 2006 | rating: 9 | comments: 3

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 12:51am EDT

Great line: "Only when he returns from the grave."

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Your Sentence:
"Did I make you mess in your depends...
Correction:
Since "depends" is a brand name, it should be capitalized. "Depends."
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Your Sentence:
...he raised his hands like a old time movie vampire...
Correction:
"an old"
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Karl's Last Flight, Part 8 by Basil Sands

Apr 5, 2006 | rating: 8.3 | comments: 3

Matthew Miller Apr 24, 2006, 12:43am EDT

Intrigued. Intrigued enough to go onto chapter 9. Yes. On to chapter 09 I go...

invisible facts by Mary Cartledgehayes

Apr 15, 2006 | rating: 9 | comments: 3

Matthew Miller Apr 23, 2006, 2:34am EDT

"Invisible facts." Interesting. It is something I've never thought much about. Now thanks to this article, I will at least give a little thought to them.

Just A Fishin' by Mandi -Watch where the chalk-white arrows go. To the place where the sidewalk ends. S.S.

Apr 23, 2006 | rating: 9.8 | comments: 56

Matthew Miller Apr 23, 2006, 2:26am EDT

Thanks for sharing the photos and a little piece of your "adventure" fishing.

Karl's Last Flight, Part 7 by Basil Sands

Apr 4, 2006 | rating: 9.4 | comments: 4

Matthew Miller Apr 23, 2006, 2:22am EDT

Such a sober reminder of what a great nation we live in but also to pray for our brethren in other nations. Thanks for the reminder.

Karl's last flight, Part 6 by Basil Sands

Apr 3, 2006 | rating: 10 | comments: 3

Matthew Miller Apr 22, 2006, 12:09am EDT

The story continues to be top notch. Thanks for putting so much effort into such an entertaining story. I promise I'll read more tomorrow and comment as I go along.

Karl's last flight, part 5 by Basil Sands

Mar 29, 2006 | rating: 7 | comments: 5

Matthew Miller Apr 21, 2006, 10:45pm EDT

Great story. You throw in plot twists at just the right time to keep it interesting. It always takes guts to kill off a main character, but it always puts your readers on their toes: anything can happen next. A few possible edits I noticed:

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Your Sentence:
The evening sun was slowly descended to their left.
Correction:
Verb tense is off.
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Your Sentence:
It was 10 pm before they stopped in a nearly empty stretch of land, they had been driving for three hours.
Correction:
Unless you change the comma to a period or semicolon, you've got a bona fide run on sentence on your hands.
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Your Sentence:
Yes, well, leaks are always and issue in this kind of work.
Correction:
"and" should be "an"
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Karl's Last Flight, Part 4 by Basil Sands

Mar 27, 2006 | rating: 8.3 | comments: 4

Matthew Miller Apr 21, 2006, 10:32pm EDT

Little question I've being wondering about: Is Gilles pronouced with a short or long i?

Karl's Last Flight, Part 3 by Basil Sands

Mar 25, 2006 | rating: 7 | comments: 7

Matthew Miller Apr 21, 2006, 10:27pm EDT

Honestly, I did not like Part 3 near as well as Part 1 and 2. I understand most writers (at least I do when I'm writing) create huge character sketches about each character before they start writing. I want to know everything about my character--I want to know everything from his favorite color to whether or not he's had chicken pox as a child.

That is, as a writer, I want to know everything about my characters. As a reader, I could care less if the character had the chicken pox or what school he graduated from--unless it is important to the plot.

Now, I too (again, maybe I'm wrong; I'm just writing from my own experience) struggle with telling too much about the character in my stories. Here I have pages and pages I've written about the character, but how much does the reader need to know? How much does the reader want to know? I find myself cutting out a lot of things that really don't effect the plot and make the story tighter.

I think the information you have in Part 3 would have been more effectively shared if spread out through several parts mixed with action and story. And a lot of it I think could have been cut from the story entirely.

Karl's Last Flight, Part 2 by Basil Sands

Mar 22, 2006 | rating: 6.8 | comments: 6

Matthew Miller Apr 21, 2006, 12:57am EDT

A very unexpected turn. Two things I can't resist: a good sci-fi story, and a good spy story.

"Having served nearly his entire his 8 years" - seems like there is an extra "his" here.