What this photo reminds me of....

I just LOVE this picture of Me and my Kate. 

We look a lot alike, and looking at her I really see a lot of myself when I was a kid.  On the other hand I didn't have a very happy childhood, due to a lot of things happening beyond my control, and the fact that growing up poor, there were a lot of things that were not even possibilities for me.  

I can't help but think if I had had more opportunities to advance, that I might be a better person, with more abilities and even a better mom than I am now.    So with my kids, I decided from day one, that I will do everything in my power to make that different for them. 

I want them to not only have the opportunity to go to college, but also the opportunity to learn from the world.  To experience and see and grow.  More importantly, I also want them to know I am here for them, no matter what.  I never really  had a stable person I could go to to talk to during my childhood. I felt I was facing the world alone and it was a scary prospect.  I learned to become a loner and to put a tough front on, which made making friends and trusting people a whole lot harder.  To this day, there is still a part of that protective mechanism that takes over as I navigate the world.  I still have trouble talking in front of a group and I still fear having to be the center of attention. I don't want them to have such guarded reserve that they don't feel they can be themselves.  I don't want them to feel such vulnerability that they can't open themselves to a wide circumfrence of people without being terrified.

I try to encourage my kids not only to talk to me, but also to surround themselves with a support group of friends and relatives who love them and who are open to sharing and talking with them.    I want them to have that stability and security I never had the benefit of growing from.