Years of asking? Why me? Now I know it is a Blessing !!

I was so happy to stumble upon this group! After reading the Group Moderator's post, and seeing a non-judgemental group of people ! I knew I had to join. I really do not have alot of time to post on here right now, I did want to share a few photos of mine and check out some of the groups post'.

What I hope to gain from joining this group is -

Friends that are understanding, and not afraid of me. You will understand more of why I say this, as I begin to tell you about myself.

A place to debate and learn from other's , and in return I hope, I can help other's understand and learn how to find comfort in their own skin and who they are. People can be cruel , sometime's not meaning to be . I have learned to grow a tough skin, and not get angry . Because, I know until we open up ,share and alleviate some of the fear associated with ,Death,Dying,Ghosts, Physic Abilities and all thats goes bump in the night . The subject of anything paranormal will remain scary, and continue to keep the , (She or He ) is crazy stigma. I hope that makes sense to everyone?

So a little about me,

I grew up in Southeastern Connecticut a town named New London, it is very old with many skeletons and bones rattling around. When I was two years old my greatgrandfather passed away, and we inherited the family homestead. I have lived in this house on and off my entire life, if you are wondering ? I am 39+3, I do not use the F word !! LOL . I am married to a wonderful man, that at one time thought I was let's say quirky, instead of crazy, lol . I have a wonderful son who is 25 yrs old, he recently moved back home to help us care for my Mom, shehad bone,brain and lung cancer. She was diagnosed at stage 5 cancer September 13th 2007, ten days after her 60 th birthday and the day before a major surgery I was having. Mom moved in with Hubby and I in October of 2007, so we could care for her!! The doctors gave her maybe 10 weeks at most, the tumor in the lungs took up 3/4 's of the lung space. This is where I will jump back and fourth about my life and learning much about myself, and teaching so many other's that would come into our lives, to allow yourself to look beyond, what you can see, touch,smell and feel in your hands. To teach others not to fear what they cannot see or feel and learn to open the senses and accept the fact there is more than a black and white world!! My Mother was terrified , she did not want to leave her family, and we did not want to let her go either! She was my bad little penny, lol. I told her that often, it was our little joke. Ok I jumped ahead of myself, I am sorry. I always go of in different directions. Back to October of 2007, Three weeks after her diagnoses and my second surgery, we were getting ready to go to Walmart, just a simple outing. Hubby was home and going with us, When my Mom stood up , she said she could not breath, we called an ambulance. At the hospital and after testing, they said maybe two weeks if she was lucky. My Mom grabbed my hand and said Dori, you have to help Mommy now, you will have to be stronger than you ever thought you could be! I told her I would, but I really did'nt understand what she ment? A few days later a Nurologist examined her,this was after the chemothrapy, he told the family he had seen this a thousand times before, she was in a coma and would maybe have a week left, if she was lucky. I remeber thinking, this cannot be. My Mom is my Mother, Best Friend and Sister, my partner in crime!Not litterally, lol ..Then all of a sudden as I sat alone, I heard a familiar voice, say to me, Dori you know what to do, and you know who you are! We will help you !

Ok, as bewildered as I was at this , why? Because I was looking to see who the heck was talking to me? And no one was there, I thought the stress had made me loose my mind! All day sitting at the hospital, not leaving her side. That night about 11pm my hubby wanted to take me home to get some rest, I ended up sending him home to rest, I wanted to be alone with my Mom. I asked the nurses not to disturb us, I closed the door, she was in a private Hospice room, pulled the drapes closed and just sat there asking for a sign , for a miracle . At approx. 2:30 am that morning , I noticed her breathing was becoming very shallow , I buzzed the nurse, she came and did the vitals. She said I am sorry, she is failing rapidly. She wanted to call my family for me. I told the nurse, just leave us, do not call anyone. I could bare the thought of anyone else having to see this happen!

Then at 3:15am as I sit in a chair holding my Mom's hand , I noticed a flicker and then bright beautiful lights , warm and comforting almost familiar , as though they were coming through the wall and over Mom's bed ! For the first time in my life, I felt no fear or any negative feeling! I remeber this like it was yesterday !  I looked up , and said . Please, please not yet! She needs to beable to finish a few things and find peace, I promised she would see her 61st birthday , please dont take her from me? We both need more time, I begged a million times in what must have only been a minute or two. Then the lights were gone as fast as they has come. And the machines Mom was hooked up to, started beeping the nurses flew into the room . I was in panic, I thought she was gone! A few minutes passed and the nurse turned to me and stated, your Mom's vital's have returned to normal! By morning she was awake and hungry ! As she sat there eating everything she could get her hands on, she said, she had a dream that the angels surrounded her and her Mom and Dad were with her, and she was trying so hard to enter this warm light, but they told her , no Barbara, it is not time yet. You have to return , Dori is waiting for you ! I was speechless, I did not tell her about the experience I had while she lay there just about 6 hours ago.

I told my Hubby and my son however, and about two months later told my Mom. This would be just the first in a long list of things that would happen. Not to mention what I personally went through with the Doctors, Nurses and Clergy, questions , comments and so much. I will elaborate more later. I really would like to thank you folks for visiting this post I have left! And please. if you have questions or comments, maybe just want to talk? Please contact me !

 Blessings

Dori

Part 2

The morning my Mom woke up was such an incredible gift to the both of us ! I called the family to let everyone know, Mom was back! They were all in disbelief because of the doom and gloom from the specialists that had cared for her. The doctors wanted to be aggressive they stated. They said chemo was her only option and might give her a few extra weeks. They gave her like a day to make her choice , and said chemo is well tolerated. As the doctor spoke to us about how they administer chemo and what a safe procedure it is . I enterupted the Doctor, very politely, and asked her if chemotherapy was a toxic drug? She looked at me with a small degree of anger and how dare you question me? In her eyes. She said the are precautions in place when chemo is administered. I asked what they were, she went on to explain, that only certified handlers on a contained chemo floor can administer the drug and the Nurse wears protective clothing and special gloves, also the patient has to be careful when sent home sharing the bathroom because of cross contamination!  At that point, I said basically your putting poison in the body to give maybe two extra weeks of life and the drug will make you loose your hair, weaken an already compromised immune system and the side effects along with medications given to ease the side effects could or will be worse than the cancer itself? She could only say yes to us . I told my Mom it is your choice, but please have all the facts and maybe a second opinion .

We got the second opinion at Brighams Hospital in MA, This time it was just an I am sorry from the doctor there is nothing we can do. Back to our local hospital and the cancer doctor . Mom decided to have the chemo, I ended up with a cold that weekend and had to stay away from the hospital. Oct 13th my sons birthday a Sunday, the hospital calls me, they said they knew I was sick but needed to get there ASAP ! Well I flew down there with Hubby and my Son. The nurse put me in protective gear and sent me into my Moms room. She looked so bad, I asked the nurse what was happening ? He said " He did not understand what happened? But the Chemo bags started to crystalize after a quarter of the first bag was given." Now I was so Angry, I knew the Chemo was wrong for Her. She was in an unresponsive state, at this point , I told the nurse to check her sugar, she was a diabetic. The small dose of chemo made her sugar plummet to 25 . I just dont understand how vitals are not checked more often when procedures that are so dangerous are being performed? Anyways, this why she ended up in a Hospice room , with a nurologist telling us she had maybe a week to live, and this is why I did not leave her side . And after all this she came back to me !!

And we brought her home, to my home! The home where she grew up and her parents and grandparents lived! Now I am not sure about the statement I am about to make, but people have said there are few Mother , Daughter relationships like the one we have. When I say her and I were together everyday,I mean everday! I can't remember a time without her.  So it just seemed natural for her to live with us and move on from this world to the next here at home with us. The first few days were very crazy for us, we had to aquire medical equipment for the house. Even though I have 4 bedrooms upstairs and 1 downstairs, Mom was scared and asked for me to take the downstairs bedroom and if we could make her bedroom area in the back of the living room? Anything you want, I told her. The living room is 40 feet long by 18 feet wide, so there was plenty of room! Over the next few days we concentrated on getting her settled in and comfortable. Then it was time for a visit from Hospice to do the intake and enroll her in their program. That was a less than enjoyable task . They basically told us, they step in and supply nurses and aids to help give the family support, and patients that have a life exspectancy of 3 months or less is when they enroll the patient.  I thought to myself, how many times do they say this? Seems like they wanted to make sure we knew they tattoo you with a date of  passing and it has to be within their time frame. 

My Mom was crying , the intake cordinator asked her why? I thought to myself, you do not need to be a mind reader to know why? Mom told her she was afraid of death and did not want to leave her family! Again this woman said you need to come to terms with this, you have a very short time. Oh I was so furious. I stood up and told the woman, she was wrong along with the doctors and their 3 month time limit ! I then told the woman , which I should not had done without Mom's ok, but I was so irritated! I told her, 15 years ago my Mom she just after her 60 th birthday she would be terminally ill and 10 days after she was diagnosed with the cancer. I also went on to tell her , I promised my Mom she would learn not to fear passing and would be here for her 61st birthday ! Humm so now she is writing down everything I say. I thought whatever! She started in with, you can't possibly think you can do anything to help your Mom and I should not make false promises and on and on .  I am not disrespectful when I speak to people, even when irritated. So I nicely said we will agree to disagree and left it at that.  When the woman left and Mom and I were alone , we talked about so many things. We talked so much that day about our Canadian Blackfoot Indian ancestry. About the paranormal and our beliefs . And one other thing that stuck in both our minds. About a year and a half before her diagnoises of cancer. We had a paranormal group here at my home, a woman with the group told us about a vision she had the night before she came to the house. In the vision she saw a little girl with short brown hair , dressed in a cowgirl outfit sitting on a childs rocking pony. She then went on to say, she see's only the people who have passed in her visions. Not people who are living. She asked if we had any old photos of relatives? I pulled out the box of old photos and after going through about 40 or 50 photos, there was the little girl she had the vision of, it was my Mom. That was when I knew something was going to change all our lives, and not in a good way. After  the group finished setting up their equipment , they test their voice recorders and everything. I was showing the group a sword from the war that I found when I was a child, I had no idea they were recording my converstaion. Apparently I was wrong in describing where I found this sword, because the man's voice on the EVP corrected me! I was floored, along with everyone else. The group captured more than 40 EVP's in a 30 minute period, they could not believe they had that much in such a short time. And there was a woman calling for Bobbi, they all called my Mom Bobbi when she was a child. Basically Mom and I knew it was a matter of time. Well I need to stop again for now. I will continue this again. Thanks for stopping by and reading my posts.

Blessings

Dori