American Tourist in London

Thursday Writing Essential's prompt:

Show us what you believe. Tell us a story in (prose or poem form) with or without trouble and with or without the formula presented above.
Include the words "pop," "biscuit," "can," and "trouble."
Have fun!
Tag it with Thursday Writing Essential

Len, I wrote the prompts before the story, but did know it would be a salute to some friends, who "speak English differently." ;)

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Dedicated to all those, who speak English differently. (Hopefully, I used the words correctly.)

And translation for the rest of us.

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"I haven't been to a Mom and Pop luncheonette since high school! Would you please drive me to the nearest one? I need a real breakfast," she told the cab driver.

"Where did you go," he asked, since he picked her up from the airport.

"London! They can't talk English there!"

"The cab driver laughed, "I'm from Brighton, but moved here 30 years ago."

"Well, at least you got rid of your New York accent," she sighed, searching her backpack for her hairbrush. "England! No one talks good there."

"So what happened?" He chuckled.

"Looked for Piccadilly Circus. Couldn't find a circus anywhere, and people kept pointing at some dumb statue in the middle of a crowd." Combing her long dark hair furiously, she continued. "Got tired a walkin', so found a luncheonette. Asked for a pop and biscuits and gravy. Got the weirdest look."

The driver suppressed his laughter.

"They asked, 'What is pop?' What's pop? Who doesn't know 'pop'?" she complained, as she plopped her brush back into her bag, and brought out the mirror and eye make-up. "Asked for Diet Coke in a can! Got that right, but they brought me the pop and cookies with gravy on 'em, and then tried to tell me that I had an Uncle Bob! Say what? No, I don't! But I didn't want no trouble!"

By now, the driver diverted the rearview mirror. He couldn't stop chuckling.

"I tried to be nice, but I was tired, so I yelled for some flippin' biscuits. How hard is it to get biscuits?" she asked, dumping her mascara into her bag.

"They came out with a flippin' pancake with gravy on it!" How stupid can you get?" I started freaked out, and they told me that I was a smeghead!" I'm not a groupie and I never heard of The Smegs!"

By now, the driver was flying down the street. He wanted the tip, but he couldn't hold his laughter much longer.

"I got up to walk out! Wasn't gonna pay for anything, but, just as I got to the door, they reminded me that I forgot my backpack. They called out, 'your rucksack, piece of cack!' How hard is it to say, 'Backpack,' and if I didn't want cookies with gravy, I didn't even want to accept any cack!" Her eye make-up flew into the bag, and lipstick came out.

"As I walked out, they called me a 'dodgy American!'" She finished, plopping her lipstick in the bag, just as they pulled into the parking lot of The Jones's Restaurant. "I'm not dodging anything! I just wanted some old-fashioned biscuits and gravy and find some damn famous circus! Ah, The Jones's! Good biscuits and gravy here! Thanks! How much do I owe you?"

"$20," he said jollier than usual, and struggling not to roll his eyes.

When she gave him $25, he broke out laughing, and added, "Thanks now, Git!"

Comments: 12

d d. Oct 8, 2009, 6:33pm EDT

bloody on spot!

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Len Maxwell Oct 8, 2009, 6:35pm EDT

The only problem I have is that most of my British friends use "biscuit" to mean "cookie." Maybe that varies across the country. An absolutely delightful read. You did really well at making me want to continue reading.

Lynn, whose writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Oct 8, 2009, 8:00pm EDT

Len?! Only? That was The problem - she's thinking the American word and getting the British word. Picture cookies and gravy. ;)

BUT, she kept scewing up with what they were saying often, which meant she could be put down in a variety of ways by Londoners AND her cab driver, who was from Brighton, England, not NY. lol

I've had so many problems with British and Aussie English, thought it was time for another American to have problems. lol

Ishbel R. Oct 10, 2009, 6:17pm EDT

The idea that we would serve pancakes and gravy is ludicrous.

Lynn, whose writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Oct 13, 2009, 12:46pm EDT

Actually, not too ludicrous. At that point, I figure she annoyed them enough they were just trying to do what ever it sounded like she wanted to get rid of her. Since she said "flippin'" they tried to think of something that would get flipped.

AND, one of my favorite meals, growing up, was chicken ala king on waffles. Don't knock gravy on pancakes, until you try it. lol

Len Maxwell Oct 13, 2009, 5:30pm EDT

Simple white sauce or brown gravy?

Ishbel R. Oct 14, 2009, 3:53am EDT

Lynn - we just don't put gravy with pancakes.... savoury, or otherwise!

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JOHN BECK Oct 8, 2009, 6:55pm EDT

Even in USA! When I was in college I had never heard of chinos. We called them "wash pants". Soda meant soda pop in some parts of the country and ice cream soda in others. There are many examples.
Fun write, Lynn.

Lynn, whose writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Oct 8, 2009, 8:38pm EDT

My aunt used to tease me. She's from the south, so said, "pop," and I'm from Jersey, so call it "soda."

Also lived away from Jersey for three years, so gave up on "hoagies." The day we were moving back to Jersey, we stopped off at a store to buy sandwiches for the trip. THAT is when I discovered "hoagie" in Illinos is "po' boy." Just in case you know neither - also known as a "sub" in some areas, or a cold "grinder" or "sub" in other areas. (Around here, a "sub" is a hot sandwich.) Because of that, I've been trying to learn how to say "elongated sandwich with lunch meat, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and seasonings" in as many regional words as possible just for America. Never want to spend another 3 years missing a food I like, simply because we can't make up our minds what we call them nationally. lol

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