Humor
If you're anything like me, (and I'm hoping, for your own sanity, that you aren't), like stuffed animals, have a bunch in the room with you, and you know they talk, you have to be very careful what you say.
Today, I discovered that someone, who doesn't particularly like me, has dropped the gauntlet. She's said she's gunning for me. Unfortunately, that's not what I first said, when I opened my mouth. I said, "She's loaded for bear."
Seems pretty basic a sentence, if you’re a human American, but it gets complicated, if a teddy bear or five listening.
Immediately, they needed to know what that meant (and thought that meant she was bringing plenty more bears to our home.) Once explained, and, apparently, I didn't explain it well, they had to take action.
Right now, facing both my front and back door, are several small (they think they are big), teddy bears and stuffed animals protecting me.
Some of them have on either their Eagle's football helmets or hard hats. (Never came up before that they might "need" camouflage outfits with proper "soldiering hats.") They had already run over to our closest park and retrieved enough sticks for everyone.
Sticks? Uh, yeah – we also don't have guns for them either, so they are pretending the sticks are their guns.
They are "oh-fish-early" prepared for this person "loaded for bear."
I strongly suggest she stays away from me. After all, if she does not, she will end up being confronted by some very serious stuffed animals.
Some have promised to pee on her leg. (I cannot help this; they are, after all, stuffed dogs.) Some will make the rat-ta-tat-tat sounds of machine guns. And the others? Well, let's just say, she will end up with some swift kicks in the shin. After all, they do know karate – hi-ah!!!
So, warning, until good TV shows come on tonight to make them forget their positions, if you come to my house right now, my bears are loaded for bear!
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Comments: 24
Did I tell you a few weeks ago I was replacing the hummingbird feeders when a real black bear showed up and was eyeing the bird feeder. I said "What do you think you're doing on MY property" Well he sniffed at me and ran off...
I tell you I did brush my teeth and did have my deodorant on!
ps. a real black bear? scarey
an imaginary real black bear? lie down on the couch and tell us all about it.
And DD, he was very real and everyone has yelled at me for talking to him! I always talk to the critters.
Seriously, Lynn, you must get some rest. :)
Oh, and to kill off the dust mites, stick "your family" in plastic bags, sealed tight, ad stick them in the freezer for a day. Warning, though. Don't really expect them to be up in the attic, unless you give them advance warning so they can get back there in time. ;)
I saw the bears in the park, last week, though it might have been the day that I was traveling... so maybe I didn't stop to talk? will check it out again, later.
I just noticed tonight that each cat takes a side of the house to watch at night, leaving the side where the neighbors nice dog is, alone...pretty cool, huh?
Never saw my old cat as the ultimate protector, although, thinking back he did bring us a live squirrel and a live baby bird once. lol
P.S. How’s your vision lately? A little bit ‘fuzzy’, hmmm?