Revised Financial Terms

This is for you folks who need a little more understanding on finances. Hope it helps.

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET-- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past week investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.