Humor For Today

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's still inside your cat!"

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An angry client went back to the automobile garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.

"Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"

"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."

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Waiting for a flight, a woman was seated in the waiting area with two boys. The younger one asked, "Mommy, when we get home, will you take us to the zoo?"

"Perhaps," she answered.

"What does 'perhaps', mean?" he asked.

The older brother answered, "Not likely to happen."

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The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."

"Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."

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