In the last few weeks before the election, the campaigns are starting to get silly. So we might do the same thing. Here are some of my predictions of the some the "October Surprises" to come.
OBAMA IS NOT HIS REAL NAME!!!
Our sources have learned, the man running for President changed his name before applying to college. His original name was Bill O'Reilly, and he changed it to Barack Obama, because he didn't think his original name sounded "Black enough". He chose Barack Obama because that way he could keep the same initials, and not have to throw away a perfectly good bathrobe. Later, when he thought about changing it back to the original name, he found it was too late. Someone else had taken it.
TODD PALIN IS A BIGAMIST!!!
It turns out that the husband of the Vice Presidential nominee has another family, a wife and three children, living in Florida. Mr. Palin had been shuttling back and forth between Alaska and Florida for the past decade. When confronted with this chillingly damaging information, Mr. Palin said "Hey, what was I supposed to do? Its cold up there" referring, we suppose, to Alaska's climate.
JOHN MCCAIN IS OUTED!!!!
Yes, you heard it here first. The Republican nominee for President is gay! Do you remember during the last debate, when he told the retired Navy chief that everything he learned was from a Chief Petty Officer? He wasn't kidding. We caught up with retired Chief Petty Officer La-Day Butts (not his real name, which by a strange coincidence was also originally Bill O'Reilly) at his home in Key West Florida, where we heard the whole story of Senator McCain's introduction into an alternative lifestyle. Rumor has it that Cindy McCain confirms the story, although we are still waiting for more details. Yum.
JOE BIDEN STARTED THE WEATHER UNDERGROUND!!!
Back in the 1960s, Joe Biden (who is really a short Jewish guy from Minnesota) wrote a song containing the lyrics "You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind is blowing". Then along with a few others, Biden (using another name, but not O'Reilly) started the Weathermen as a rock group, which later turned violent. In the ensuing years, Biden cleverly changed his name again, gained a couple feet of height, and entered politics.
Voters, beware!
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Republican contender John McCain:
•1) Is actually a prototype Presidential robot built by the Ford Motor Company at the direction of the Illuminati.
•2) The McCain -a-bot was funded by the Republican Party's Guided Baby Seal Clubbing Tours at $1000 a night. Transportation not included (unless you have already contributed to the latest Republican Presidential Campaign.
•3) Once killed a photographer for taking his photo. The photo showed him pushing a childrens party clown down a flight of steps.
•4) Routinely dines on kittens while sailing on his multi-million dollar yacht, the "Screw You - I Got Mine".
•5) If you translate his name into the Greek language, it actually means ???? ????? (híppos purrós), Fiery red horse of the apocalypse. He carries a red sword and his job is to take peace from the earth.
•6) Has taken money from the huge Crayola lobby with the understanding that once elected President, he will mandate that all crayons be white.
•7) Bathes in pudding in an effort to stave off the ravages of aging.
•8) Bets big money on illegal cock fights.
•9) Is building a massive rocket in his garage to take him, his family and his millions to another planet once Earth has been destroyed leaving the rest of mankind to fight it out for survival in a Mad Max-type scenario.
•10) Loves singing Broadway show tunes in the shower.
Democratic contender Barak Obama:
•1) Is the half-brother of Osama Bin Laden.
•2) Intends to dismantle the entire United States military and then begin to sell America off to the highest bidder one acre at a time.
•3) Will have weekly sleep-overs with terrorists where popcorn, scary movies and all night talks about stickers, makeup and boys will be on the agenda.
•4) Was one of the stars in "Good Burger".
•5) Becomes horribly embarrassed if someone says the word "wang" in his presence.
•6) Will outlaw country music and name Ice Cube to the Supreme Court.
•7) Will raise taxes to 130% on everything leaving all Americans having to work 15 years after death to pay their due to the Feds.
•8) The "real" Barak Obama is in a pod in his garden in Chicago.
•9) Has stolen every speech from JFK including the little known "Ich bin ein Gary, Indianian" speech done early in the primaries.
•10) Is terrified of Michelle Obama and is only running for President because she told him that he better if "knows what's good" for him.
Now, I heard Obama and McCain are actually lovers, or maybe twins, and that Biden is really Cheney... or maybe Rice... and Todd Palin used to be RuPaul (whatever happened to RuPaul? you see my point?). Also, Bill O'Reilly (not his real name) went ice-skating with Michelle Obama the other day and would not return the rental skates. That's just wrong. I would never vote for Bill O'Reilly.
Oh, and Ross Perot is back on the scene -- and his running mate is Elvira. Who ate a whole kitten once.
Yeah, it's shocking, but as the story goes, he and Gloria Steinem donated to McCain's Anti-Science Fund before a hearty breakfast of babies and fries with Joe "Bill O'Reillly" Biden. Who is sometimes a tall Greek guy from Butte.
That Gloria. Just goes to show, you can never trust a dame to keep her yap shut. Oh and btw, have you heard the latest......?
As far as McCain being gay - I think we just have to uncover that Cindy is one expensive drag queen !!! Boy, what a piece of work !!!
Funny stuff!
Have a great Saturday!
I expect some of these rumors to appear shortly throughout the viral Internet.
And probably on CNN as they're running out of stories to do "in-depth" coverage on.
You have made my night. LOL
You silly man you. Now go to your room!
I loved laughing as I read this. You're right...time for us to laugh a little bit!
Its mutual kid.
John and the rest, thanks. btw, do you think this is how a lot of rumors start? No? Well, they should. I love the follow on comments. Cindy as a transvestite is just too darling.
You know the saying, Sy: I never repeat gossip...so pay attention!
$7,000,000,000,000 dollars.
You missed it. It was already passed.
thank you for confirming all of these for me. I knew that hey were all true. BTW did you hear that Hilary Clinton and Cindy McCain are actually one and the same person? I mean think about it, have you ever seen the two of them together in public?
I just saw the party where Obama and McCain were roasting one another.
For a moment I wondered where Obama was going in copping to once hanging out with radicals and low lifes, until he nailed it with *I'm a member of the US Senate.*