by John Philipp
Member since:
August 10, 2006

Thought~Byte No.179

November 10, 2009 11:50 PM EST
views: 138 | rating: 10/10 (16 votes) | comments: 85

Thought~Byte No.179

 

 

 

Concept and words by John Philipp. Drawings by Phil Frank.

(The comments below are where the wisdom is found.)

 
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Comments: 85

John Philipp Nov 10, 2009, 11:50pm EST
Mini Thought~Bytes (words without drawings) appear every day on my Twitter page. If you're on Tweeter please follow me and I'll follow you.
John Philipp Nov 10, 2009, 11:51pm EST
Thought~Bytes are posted every Wednesday. To see all Thought~Bytes and get an email when new ones are posted, please join Thought~Bytes
Steph-in-NE ..... Nov 10, 2009, 11:56pm EST
ok my mind is clouded right now I am not getting this,,, sry for my stupidity
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 12:12am EST
Lots of Bytes don't connect the first time your read them, Steph.

Not to worry.
Linda T. Nov 11, 2009, 12:21am EST
Never assume you know what motivates a person. If you want the real answer ask.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:08am EST
Agreed, Linda. It seems so easy and obvious to assume — and is so often obviously wrong.
Jeff K. Nov 11, 2009, 9:50pm EST
When one makes an assumption, the translation is: ass | u | me.
KittyMommy2u W. Nov 18, 2009, 2:01am EST
Yep.
~Sia McKye~ Nov 11, 2009, 12:23am EST
True John. Though there are some with glaring motivations.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:09am EST
True, Sia, and even then I would guess that often what's glaring is blinding us to something underneath.
F. Jeanette c. Nov 11, 2009, 1:16am EST
good advice
10 4 u
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:09am EST
Thanks, Jeanette.
Paul Allen Leoncini Nov 11, 2009, 1:35am EST
The old phrase "When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and Me," comes to mind . .
Angel sent from God Secret Sisters Nov 11, 2009, 3:45am EST
Oh Yes!
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:10am EST
I had forgotten that, Paul. Certainly adds to this Byte.

Thanks.
Jennifer K. Nov 11, 2009, 11:06am EST
That is exactly what I thought when I read this post.
Sheila Deeth Nov 11, 2009, 7:01pm EST
Nice one. I'd not heard that.
Exactly Paul!
Paul Allen Leoncini Nov 11, 2009, 1:35am EST
Yes, I am brilliant, John - - Thank you . .
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:10am EST
You are entirely welcome.
Angel sent from God Secret Sisters Nov 11, 2009, 3:45am EST
This is so true!!
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:11am EST
Yet we are all guilty from time to time of acting as if it were not .
KittyMommy2u W. Nov 18, 2009, 2:02am EST
Unfortunately, so true.
Robert - just a simple man - B. Nov 11, 2009, 3:48am EST
I have no problem with anyone's reason as long as it's to make my life better.

Honesty isn't always touchy-feely y'know. :+)
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:12am EST
See, now we don't have to guess about Robert's motivation. :)
Jennifer K. Nov 11, 2009, 11:06am EST
He likes "touchy feely"!!! ; )
K D. Nov 12, 2009, 8:19am EST
HA HA!! I like straightforwardness!
JOHN BECK Nov 11, 2009, 4:13am EST
So many arguments go astray when the opponents' motives are incorrectly assumed.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:13am EST
An important aspect to this Byte, John. Those assumptions are built on and the one inch deviation becomes a mile as we go further.
Elizabeth R. Nov 11, 2009, 5:07am EST
Absolutely true, John.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:14am EST
Thanks, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth R. Nov 11, 2009, 4:51pm EST
You are so welcome, John.
LaRue B. Nov 11, 2009, 6:37am EST
even after 41 years, I don't dare just guess at why Mike does something.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:15am EST
Another aspect to this, LaRue, familiarity breeds confidence that we can intuit someone else's motivation.

Or maybe we just get lazy.
Robert - just a simple man - B. Nov 11, 2009, 9:28am EST
and probably the reason there were 41 years.
Lydia (part of the solution) Shelley Nov 11, 2009, 7:34am EST
What's more, most people base their responses on that erroneous guess which usually just makes things worse. Why can't people just ASK?
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:17am EST
That is the rub, Lydia. Original errors are compounded.

Why can't people ASK?

Because they might offend or be wrong are two reasons.
Larry M. Nov 11, 2009, 7:52am EST
But if you have no idea of their motivation, you cannot predict their behavior. Without being able to predict what they will do, we make many errors.

The human mind is designed to attempt to guess the reasons for others actions as part of empathy.

Thus, in the vast majority of cases of human interaction, we guess and guess well enough to get along.

But in those cases in which we are to be very personally involved with someone else (spouses for example) we must ask and tell to help each other understand because the penalty for being wrong hurts both.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:21am EST
Larry, that the mind tends to want answers is also a factor here. Thanks for adding that. The mind is in many ways a guessing machine. We think in paradigms and stereotypes — in fact, it is the only way the brain can work.

That makes it important to remind ourselves of those situations where a second look or a question are important.

I like your phrasing as a description of the human brain- "to guess well enough to get along."
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:22am EST
Or, to paraphrase Mel Brooks 2000-year old man, "to guess well enough that you don't write the wrong check and lose a lotta money."
Larry M. Nov 11, 2009, 8:25am EST
Guessing in ordinary life works for almost all of us. But science is what has given our species the really big boost and that uses no guessing at all. Unfortunately, those not in science think that science uses guesses as hypotheses. Makes for lots of misunderstanding. :-)
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:43am EST
It is interesting, Larry, how much disagreement (over "facts" not hypotheses) there is in science, when it's supposed to be the factual side of life.
Larry M. Nov 11, 2009, 11:47am EST
The "facts" over which there is disagreement is the theories. The data must be able to be reproduced by anyone who has the resources to try. Therefore, there is rarely a dispute over the data itself, only the means of its collection. That's why science is so convincing. You can run the tests for yourself if you don't believe the other guy.
MrsRoad Runner Nov 11, 2009, 9:11am EST
Could not be more true!!
As some people know, our family is spotted with such things as autism.
We see things a little different then others.
It may take us a second to laugh at something or not get the humor at all (or I will take something as funny when it is not supposed to be), or we may see a normal thing .... just different.
People who try to read us in real life situation many times get what we say or whatever wrong.
A huge problem is asking a question, not allowing us to finish the answer. My boy and I get very frustrated at this (beyond frustration for me). Which makes a situation rather uncomfortable on both sides.
So to assume, can make a ASS out of U and ME.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:44am EST
Excellent point, Mrs. R. I have an autistic grandson so I know of what you speak.

Thanks for adding that perspective.
MrsRoad Runner Nov 11, 2009, 11:48am EST
You bet John,
People need to know there are all sorts of people out here all gathering together on the world wide web :0)
Jennifer K. Nov 11, 2009, 11:08am EST
Oh so true John. I have to agree with Paul Allen about what happens when we assume things. That's exactly what I thought when I read this. VERY GOOD!!!!
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:44am EST
Thanks, Jennifer.
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Nov 11, 2009, 11:26am EST
Those guys are carrying some pretty big sticks!

Now featured at Gather's Best.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:45am EST
Who knows, Ann, they may have to convince someone.

Thanks for the feature.
Gina Robinson Nov 11, 2009, 11:36am EST
This is so true! Guessing at a reason can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:46am EST
And then you get mad when the other person contradicts you.

(Love the new cover, Gina.)
Aunt Boni H. Nov 11, 2009, 11:38am EST



good one, John.
We've all done it. Few of us admit it.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 11:47am EST
Of course we have and do, Aunt Boni.

It is somewhat natural unless we are aware and catch ourselves in the process.
Beaker (just Beaker) Nov 11, 2009, 12:31pm EST
While it's a good idea to try viewing things from someone else's perspective, you can't assume you've got it right--a "strong maybe" is as close as you'll get.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 2:13pm EST
Good rule, Beaker. I guess what's key is what you plan to do with your assumption/strong maybe?
Chris Brockman Nov 11, 2009, 1:32pm EST
This is especially true since many people don't know their own motivations, or all of them.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 2:13pm EST
I think that's an important aspect of this Byte, Chris. Thanks.
Dennis Gilman Nov 11, 2009, 3:11pm EST
That is correct John. I always guess wrong. But my imagination always give me a much juicer reason than what the truth is, so I keep guessing first, savour the thought, then try for the truth.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 6:00pm EST
I guess both ways is OK, Dennis, as long as you can distinguish between them.
Beth G. Nov 11, 2009, 5:35pm EST
lol so true John!
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 6:01pm EST
Thanks, Beth.
Ruth J. Nov 11, 2009, 6:44pm EST
If you must guess, err to the side that sheds the best light on the person whose motives you are analyzing. If you are guessing to the negative, PEASE ask.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:50pm EST
That's a clever idea, Ruth. OK to guess positive, but ask if negative.

Thanks.
Sheila Deeth Nov 11, 2009, 7:02pm EST
I like Ruth's answer. If only we tried a little harder to shed the best light.
John Philipp Nov 11, 2009, 8:51pm EST
Amen, Sheila.
Lance L. Nov 11, 2009, 9:39pm EST
Why guess when you can ask questions first.
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:42pm EST
If you understand you can't guess right, one wonders, Lance.
Kamran Qureshi Nov 12, 2009, 2:22am EST
Oh this is so true, John! and not to forget that we can seriously end up damaging relationships if we continue on this road. Thanks for sharing this byte lamp with us!
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:43pm EST
That's the problem, Kamran. The other person doesn't know you were making an erroneous assumption.
K D. Nov 12, 2009, 8:21am EST
Who knows what lurks in the minds of others! :D
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:43pm EST
In this case, Karen, I thin the answer is "Not even The Shadow knows."
K D. Nov 12, 2009, 5:22pm EST
Sometimes ignorance is bliss. This might be one of those times!
Bill W. Nov 12, 2009, 10:57am EST
That's true except for me. All my reasons are all altruistic and pure. Except for ----

I think, even if you ask the the other person the reason for an act, much of the time the answer will not be the real one. "I'm a doctor because I want to make people well." No, I think most of them just want to make a living.

Rest easy
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:44pm EST
EXcellent point, Bill. So that brings us to the question of why we want to know what motivates someone else.
Bill W. Nov 13, 2009, 10:49am EST
Answer - If you're a boss or a business owner with employees

---to make a profit or get a good performance appraisal for yourself by getting the most out of the other guy.
Bill W. Nov 13, 2009, 10:51am EST
If you are selling stuff - It's to get them to buy your stuff

If you are looking for a roll in the hay, it's to get someone to provide the cushion.

Of course, you knew all that
John Philipp Nov 13, 2009, 11:44am EST
I certainly knew the last one. :)
JoAnne D. Nov 12, 2009, 12:08pm EST
I must say I do like facts better than guessing.
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:45pm EST
Me too, JoAnne, understanding that the other person's "fact" may not be the answer either.
Angela A. Nov 12, 2009, 2:30pm EST
So true.
But, then again, you may be right. Te he!
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 4:45pm EST
Or, I could be right.
Jan S. Nov 12, 2009, 7:53pm EST
When someone comes to the wrong conclusion about another's motives, he/she probably is wrong. It's almost impossible to convince them otherwise, especially if their interpretations relieve their consciences.
John Philipp Nov 12, 2009, 8:26pm EST
Good point and another facet to this, Jan.

If the assumption one makes does something for them, relief or otherwise, it is harder to back off from.
Sandi S. Nov 19, 2009, 3:16pm EST
don't guess, just ask!

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