Thought~Byte No. 58

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cute

realistic here  I think    Glad I love myself

Thanks, B.B.

Me too, Steph.

Can't say I love myself, but I'm tolerable, and am happy when other people agree.  :-)

The Byte is dead-on, as usual.

Well, I LOVE myself, and lots of people like me. --------- Yep. It's working!

Good Byte!

Just so.  We can't expect others to see features in us that we don't see in ourselves. People who like themselves and are comfortable in their own skins are usually easy to like, but don't put a high priority on pleasing others.

How do you get someone else to like you if you don't like yourself in the first place? If it's by acting or putting up a false facade it's not really you they like, is it?

First things first.

People search for happiness in acceptance by others.  Happiness can only happen if your satisfied with your self.  When you do not like yourself you are bound to keep seeking the approval of others hoping it will lead to you liking yourself better.

I have heard it said so often that you cannot love others if you do not love yourself.  I want to dispute that but I do agree that it is pretty hard to fill a space that is leaky.  I found the first step was to resolve not to hate myself.  Love in bits followed.

Power comes from within, it can not be bestowed by anyone. Tragic.

Liking yourself is the hardest. But when you do, others seem to follow suit.

It all starts inwardly.  While we're on this topic, I might add that once you love yourself fully, it doesn't matter much when someone really doesn't like you. 

John, I was just wondering what happened to the bytes that were in the 100 series......are we done with those?

Right now it hit me with a hammer.

Time’s lust for life

"People who like themselves and are comfortable in their own skins are usually easy to like, but don't put a high priority on pleasing others."

Jan does this to me a lot on your strings John.  (Maybe she's a mind reader.)

Actually, this is another version of the label thing from those two other strings.  We should avoid the negative labelling of ourselves.  And we should not always be very eager to accept the labels placed on us by others.

Jan describes me too well.

Well, Kushal, at least that drives the point home :)

Dennis, you make an excellent point about the connection with the whole subject of labels. We in the Thought~Byte Industry call that CrossByte Confluence. (Or we do now that I just made that up.)

Some might say "never accept the labels placed on us by others.."

"never accept the labels placed on us by others.."

A wise man once told me.  "Before you get upset about what people say of you, check first to see if it could just be correct.  If they say you have a big mouth, before objecting, MEASURE IT; it just might be big after all."

"Can't say I love myself, but I'm tolerable"

Oh dear, Tracy, did you "settle" for yourself.  :)

"I LOVE myself, and lots of people like me. "

Then the others are the gravy, Tanya.

"don't put a high priority on pleasing others"

Even stronger than a priority, Jan. When this is operative, it is a necessity for those afflicted — like shoveling dirt into a bottomless pit.

"If it's by acting or putting up a false facade it's not really you they like, is it?"

True and a key part of this Byte, Lydia.

But don't say it so loud. I hear balloons popping all over the place.

". . . false facade . . .?  You should see the real ones I sometimes put on just to amuse myself at their expence."

"First things first."

Another aspect to this, John. Thanks.

"When you do not like yourself you are bound to keep seeking the approval of others hoping it will lead to you liking yourself better"

Yes, Linda, or it will compensate for your lack of liking yourself.

Neither works.

"I found the first step was to resolve not to hate myself."

Karen, that's an intriguing first step. Thank you.

Once you've gotten to "neutral," loving yourself is simply acceptance.

"Power comes from within, it can not be bestowed by anyone."

True, Vivian, and that's the myth that propels this Byte.

"Liking yourself is the hardest. But when you do, others seem to follow suit."

Heidi, and, ironically, if they don't it doesn't matter.

Thanks, Stanley.

"once you love yourself fully, it doesn't matter much when someone really doesn't like you. "

An important aspect here, K D. Thanks.

About the Byte numbering. Numbers 1-72 were ones I posted in 2006. I posted them as "photos." With later Gather system changes, that didn't make as much sense so I decided to repost them as "articles."

For a year I've been posting one new Byte and one of the old "photo" Bytes.

A few weeks ago I decided to just finish the older ones. So, in seven weeks I will have caught up and resume the hundred series at No. 158

Thanks, I'm now "byte literate" again! 

Very true statement

Just when I thought everybody liked me, I volunteered for the public works job on our homeowners assoc. Man!!! You can't run fast enough.

Rest easy

Yikes!  Homeowners Associations are evil.  People who buy property that is policed by the homeowners assoc. deserve what they get . They remind me of a bunch of nazis' inflicting their way of life on others with a penalty of death if you don't comply to their way of life.  Why would anyone give someone else power over their property that is not already protected by our constitution and city bylaws?  If I want to put a flag pole in my yard and fly the United States Flag, I will, or I will move somewhere around people who are patriotic and loves the United States.  Resign quick and move fast.

Lee - A little dramatic!! This was 1970's type group. I was just trying to get a deal on matching mailboxes after convincing the Post Office that we needed door-to-door. Now they are focussed on the annual Halloween parade and golf outing. I did resign, though. How did this evolve into the in-your-face, dicate-your-life kind of thing we now have?

Awww, John, this is a sad picture. 

It's a sad situation, Lee.

All the more so because it's not necessary.

Thank you, Teresa.

"Just when I thought everybody liked me, I volunteered for the public works job on our homeowners assoc"

Bill, that is the acid test. I find the same getting volunteers for Beer Booth #3 at the upcoming (Labor Day) Sausalito Art FEstival.

Well, not as bad because I have beer and the Jefferson Starship in my corner.

Lee, I'm with you about homeowner's associations. Only hear horror stories from my entrapped friends.

This is very true.

Uh huh! Te he!

I stopped caring whether everyone liked me a long time ago. It took years of teasing and feeling bad for myself, before I finally took some well intentioned advice, "Get over it."

I don't know about that.  The love of a good woman can work wonders.

And even if you were the most popular person in the world, it wouldn't matter because that is not how you see yourself. Speed bump mentality.

Thanks, Sarah.

Angela, the irony is that however they feel about you is not really about you but about themselves.

"The love of a good woman can work wonders."

The problem, Larry, is that if you don't love yourself, at some level you can't believe anyone else does either.

Remember mom?  If she loves you it gives you the feeling that you deserve it.  If she doesn't and you are really lucky, some other woman can convince you.

OK, Larry. Good example.

I'd say, mom is one of the people who can most facilitate you're deciding to love yourself.

You still have to do the heavy lifting, and a mom who loves you can certainly lighten the load.

Thanks.

Very true, Sia.

How many times are we amazed that a popular, successful person breaks down or commits suicide.

LOL! So true, I didn't like myself till I was 38!

Except for the time when you were little, Ginger.

Somehow, someone talked us out of liking ourselves.

That would have been my mom. And you are right!

i got me myself and i, the rest is gravy!lol

why should anybody like someone who wouldn't have themselves as a friend?

The very best things one can do for themselves is to stand up straight, look at people in their eyes, and smile!

It took me a long time to learn this lesson. I was so busy trying to please everyone around me so that they would like me, I never got around to truly liking myself. But now that I am here, I understand why it is so important. Peace

There you go, Blaine.

"The very best things one can do for themselves is to stand up straight, look at people in their eyes, and smile!"

It does a lot for the other people, Too, Jeff.

Thanks.

Kimber, it is the concept of building a strong foundation and then building outward and upward.

Glad you did that.

The cliche "To have a friend is to be a friend" works for me...

I treat myself pretty good...LOL

This really hits the nail on the head,,, God Bless you my friend,,,

Ok, Jenn. Sounds good.

You're welcome, Marie.

As the saying goes, "The line starts behind me."

And that's a good way to say it, Lance.

Thanks.

wonderfully true.  the thing is people will actually like you less if you do not have enough confidence and respect within you for you

This is true and represents the "external" aspect of this topic.

Here another focus is the internal aspect — trying to fill the hole inside with others love instead of your own.

all nice

Thanks, Lena.

The first step is forgiving yourself for all the imperfections you see in yourself. After that you'll find you are a lovable person after all. That comes with age when you don't have much natural ego.

Ruth, I agree in principle.

My bias would be to exchange the word "accept" for "forgive," which implies judgment and that there is something wrong with you.

Not sure how we decided that we could judge human beings (even ourselves). If you think about it, if you really had that ability, you'd be pretty damn cool!  :)

I like me. I really don't worry about what others might think. I feel I have nothing to prove . I'm just me. lol.

You're right about that, Howard.

Enjoy yourself.

This reminds me of a though I would love to pass along.  If you try to make yourself look superior by making everyone else look inferior, you have over 6 billion people to make look bad.  Wouldn't it be easier to make one person, you, look better?

Great perspective on this, Bob. Thanks.