by John Philipp
Member since:
August 10, 2006

Thought~Byte No. 153

May 13, 2009 01:32 AM EDT
views: 121 | rating: 10/10 (22 votes) | comments: 81

Thought~Byte No. 153

 

 

 

Concept and words by John Philipp. Drawings by Phil Frank.

(The comments below are where the wisdom is found.)

 
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Comments: 81

John Philipp May 13, 2009, 1:32am EDT
Thought~Bytes are posted every Wednesday. To see all Thought~Bytes and get an email when new ones are posted, please join Thought~Bytes
Tanya P. May 13, 2009, 1:37am EDT
I'd be too embarrassed to...........
Kimber F. May 13, 2009, 1:46am EDT
I agree completely. It took me many years to learn this lesson and to decide to do what I wanted to do despite the fact that some people don't approve. Peace
Val G. May 13, 2009, 2:13am EDT
good one!
Ellen B. May 13, 2009, 2:39am EDT
That's right, be your own person; and not under someone's thumb
Vivian A. May 13, 2009, 3:10am EDT
Hello mirror.
Ankica S. May 13, 2009, 4:00am EDT
sad fact
Jan S. May 13, 2009, 4:09am EDT
Wow. That is just plain sad.
~Jamie W. May 13, 2009, 4:47am EDT
So very true!
Could be good, could be bad. Like the time with the fly swatter, the honey . . . uhm, never mind.

Find your boundaries and you will probably find your success.
JOHN BECK May 13, 2009, 5:40am EDT
That someone is often an overbearing parent.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:01am EDT
Ah, Barney, you challenge this not-yet-awake brain :)

An excellent thought. Thanks.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:02am EDT
"That someone is often an overbearing parent"

John, some would say it is always a parental message though often disguised as something or someone else.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:02am EDT
"I'd be too embarrassed to...."

I would love you to finish that sentence, Tanya.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:02am EDT
"It took me many years to learn this lesson and to decide to do what I wanted to do despite the fact that some people don't approve."

Kimber, sometimes it takes a while to understand that we are the ones with the power.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:02am EDT
Thanks, Val.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:03am EDT
"be your own person"

One key aspect of this Byte, Ellen. Thanks.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:03am EDT
"Hello mirror."

Yes, Vivian, sometimes the someone is yourself.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:03am EDT
Glad you think so, Jamie.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:04am EDT
"sad fact"

In too many cases, Ankica.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 6:04am EDT
"That is just plain sad."

It gets sadder, Jan. Most people don't realize that's what's going on.
Larry M. May 13, 2009, 7:27am EDT
Of course most of those things they want to do are dangerous for somebody. (I raised children. )
Linda T. May 13, 2009, 7:34am EDT
But there is a positive spin to this. This disapproval also prevents people from doing things they want to do but should not be doing anyway. Drugs, crime...
Nancy Biri May 13, 2009, 8:02am EDT
Very true
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 8:02am EDT
For kids and dangerous things, that's true Larry.

I am thinking more here about what people are doing with their lives.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 8:03am EDT
Thanks, Nancy.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 8:03am EDT
That's true, Linda and, as with Larry's kids example, I am thinking more here about what people are doing with their lives.
Ruth J. May 13, 2009, 8:16am EDT
That drawing puts it in perspective. We all need to realize that some one else cannot live our lives for us.
Rachel W. May 13, 2009, 9:04am EDT
Oh so true
Lydia (part of the solution) Shelley May 13, 2009, 9:09am EDT
Ha ha not me. I don't do what I want to because it's hard to do what you want to when you're flat broke. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks!
Jeff K. May 13, 2009, 10:29am EDT
(If the following applies to you, then you must repeat it aloud
seven times, each time faster than the previous)

I am doing what I am doing because I have too many interests to pick
just one and do it. Therefore, I am doing what I am doing because I
enjoy doing what I'm doing.
Bob Cronley May 13, 2009, 11:44am EDT
I have found that the people who "don't approve," are often lying about their approval. It's all a big game to them.
Steph-in-NE ..... May 13, 2009, 11:53am EDT
I agree yet I do my best to do what I want,, which is not a bad thing,,,,
Lance L. May 13, 2009, 12:13pm EDT
Not any more.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:20pm EDT
Au contraire, Steph, it is a good thing.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
I assume you speak for yourself, Lance.

In that case, congratulations.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
"We all need to realize that some one else cannot live our lives for us."

Agreed, Ruth. But you know they will try.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
Thanks, Rachel.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
"I don't do what I want to because it's hard to do what you want to when you're flat broke."

I'm thinking of thing were money isn't a factor, Lydia, so you're set to go.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:22pm EDT
"I am doing what I am doing because I enjoy doing what I'm doing."

Jeff, I tried saying this as you suggested and got dizzy in the third round.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 12:22pm EDT
"I have found that the people who "don't approve," are often lying about their approval."

A good point, Bob.

Also, many of the "approvers" are long gone in time or distance yet their sweet (?) soft voice can still be heard in our head.
Eileen C. May 13, 2009, 1:13pm EDT
True and that someone is sometimes yourself. You may want to be something that you are not and you become miserable because you are not doing your true purpose in life. I believe in doing the work that you love. I would rather my husband my happy with his work and us have less than us have more and he be miserable. Good Day!
P.W. Dowdy May 13, 2009, 2:48pm EDT
That is a doozie! Well expressed in word and image.
Bill W. May 13, 2009, 3:29pm EDT
John - Those are called Americans. Almost all of us do or don't do exactly that every day. It's sad that this has come about in my lifetime and promises to get worse. It's even sadder that Americans are favored with being the most free of people on this planet. The rest have it worse.

Rest easy
Jerri H. May 13, 2009, 3:55pm EDT
Yeah....I HATE that.
Robert - just a simple man - B. May 13, 2009, 3:56pm EDT
OMG Obi-John, a direct hit. This is one of the unfortunate aspects of having a meek persona. Yeah, I have seen a few fights in my time but truth be told I have a shy soul and a meek spirit. If someone close to me doesn't want me to follow through on something, I am usually persuaded to abate my planned actions.

Of course, in the case of my suicidal tendencies of the past, such GIVING IN will probably prove a blessing once the Big Picture is complete.
LaRue B. May 13, 2009, 4:11pm EDT
I don't think that is as true today as it was years ago. I know my children do things I don't approve of and I would hate to think what my grandparents would say!
Nana to Seven Cutiepies May 13, 2009, 4:33pm EDT
I agree with Carolina, today anything goes, not too many people care if someone disapproves.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:38pm EDT
"I don't think that is as true today as it was years ago"

I see this as an ongoing psychological problem, Carolina. At that level, I think there's always been a lot of it — not all recognized by the individuals involved.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
"today anything goes, not too many people care if someone disapproves."

Nana, that's "today/outward Approval."

The intent here is to go a little deeper.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
"True and that someone is sometimes yourself. "

Another side to this, Eileen. Thanks.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
Thanks, Pat.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
"Those are called Americans. Almost all of us do or don't do exactly that every day. "

Bill, I don't think this is situational but attitudinal.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
"Yeah....I HATE that."

Me too, Jerri.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
"If someone close to me doesn't want me to follow through on something, I am usually persuaded to abate my planned actions."

But then you are living "their life for you," Robert.

On the other point, on some level I am sure it was not GIVING IN.
Angela A. May 13, 2009, 5:51pm EDT
I'm doing what I want.
Writing romance!
Beaker (just Beaker) May 13, 2009, 7:16pm EDT
What is even more sad is that sometimes the person whose approval is not forthcoming is already dead. You know, the old "My mother would turn over in her grave if I did that"?
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 7:31pm EDT
Good for you, Angela.
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 7:32pm EDT
"What is even more sad is that sometimes the person whose approval is not forthcoming is already dead."

That's the rub, Beaker and a key aspect to this Byte.

I call it the "parental implant."
blaine d. May 13, 2009, 8:50pm EDT
my parents raise me for 17 years to go out on my own after that ! i don't need approval from no one or disapproval!
John Philipp May 13, 2009, 10:46pm EDT
You were fortunate, Blaine. Good for you.
Georgiana S. May 14, 2009, 2:31am EDT
Or, doing something wrong because they are looking for approval
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 9:01am EDT
And that would be the flip side, Georgiana.

Thanks.
Susan B. May 14, 2009, 11:45am EDT
Wow! I've just been thinking about this concept lately
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 11:54am EDT
What a coincidence, so have we ;)
K D. May 14, 2009, 2:39pm EDT
Gee, I was just thinking how sad it would be to give another so much control of our life.
Dennis Gilman May 14, 2009, 3:16pm EDT
And there are people like me who ignore even his parents preferrences. (I've told you about my pride and stubbornness before havent I?)

My parents surrounded me with books while I was growing up. There was this story about a man, his son and a donkey carrying goods to the market. The man tried to please everybody who criticized him, even carrying the beast on his back. Since reading that story (many many many times) I have been ignoring peoples' opinion of me and their expectations of me.
Dennis Gilman May 14, 2009, 3:18pm EDT
I love your comment Jeff K:

"I am doing what I am doing because I have too many interests to pick
just one and do it. Therefore, I am doing what I am doing because I
enjoy doing what I'm doing."

Where did we meet? You described me perfectly.
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 4:01pm EDT
It is, K D, but you probably did it when you were a kid and didn't know that much.

The key is you can change that decision now if you want to.
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 4:03pm EDT
" Since reading that story (many many many times) I have been ignoring peoples' opinion of me and their expectations of me."

Good for you, Dennis. As long as you don't do it just for the sake of "rebelling."
Larry M. May 14, 2009, 4:05pm EDT
If this byte were phrased in terms of aspirations it would be a better byte it seems to me.

But then my aspirations are probably too inflated anyway. :-)
Sheila Deeth May 14, 2009, 4:55pm EDT
Very sad and very true.
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 6:38pm EDT
Either way, Larry, the message is the same.
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 6:38pm EDT
Agree with both those, Sheila.
K D. May 14, 2009, 7:18pm EDT
You're right, John. When I was a kid I didn't have too much to say about anything!
John Philipp May 14, 2009, 7:28pm EDT
And it's what you internalized that's key here, K D>
Haim Kadman May 15, 2009, 1:41pm EDT
That's very true, sometimes it's one's mother in law and sometimes it's one friends, or even the barman...
Dennis Gilman May 15, 2009, 3:18pm EDT
Lots of my ignoring people was in fact rebellion. Taught me a lot about my limitations. Still learning.
John Philipp May 15, 2009, 4:57pm EDT
It definitely goes on at that level, Haim, and I think the more destructive side of this are the expectations others lay in your head when you are young.

Maybe that's what sets up the current day behavior.
John Philipp May 15, 2009, 4:58pm EDT
Keep learning, Dennis. I won't tell anyone you're a work in progress.
Chas Andrews May 15, 2009, 4:59pm EDT
thanks!

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