i got a modem from hell , which i have been trying to solve, but i CAN'T! my cable co says i need to replace nic card which i did (125.00) and my modem still DON'T WORK AT TIME'S!;SO THEY WILL REPLACE IT TOMORROW WITH A BRAND NEW ONE HOPEFULLY IT DOSE THE JOB!
Oh my gosh how true that is. I tried to give hope to a man in my apt building. I invited him in and he spent the entire time refusing any hope I tried to give him. He loves being put upon and wasn't about to let me provide a way of escape. He is happy as is :)
That's why it's so hard to get people to read Invisible Hand. People complain about things but they aren't willing to lift a finger (or click a mouse) to learn how to solve those problems.
If it wasn't for the innocents suffering I would just say to heck with them.
Larry, if people are not reading your novel it's not because you have not promoted it here! The "nopom" movement is interesting. If "Invisible Hand" is a good novel, I'm sure it will be read. I understand your zeal: everything you read reminds you of your novel.
An important aspect to this Byte, Dana. Sometimes it's not the bad feelings from the problem that is the payoff, it's the excuse the problem provides to attack and complain.
"especially one that you have no business trying to solve in the first place"
A slightly different animal, Linda, and just as true. Telling me I have a problem and you have the solution goes nowhere. Lot of marriages have this syndrome.
True - or dose not see as a problem. Just think, if we took opium away from Edgar Allan Poe? Would we even know his name? What if Emily Dickinson was not a Agoraphobic, not leaving her home, room even....
"you just have to solve getting around the person not wanting it solved first."
In this case, David, it is the person's problem. So I'd say you have "to" them rather than "around" them. They don't want their problem solved and that is the crux of this particular issue.
you may see the solution but if you're trying to help someone solve a problem, find a way around a situation, it's wasted energy unless THEY really want the solution or just a bitch session. :-)
Of course that is also true of us as individuals, if we want to solve it we can, but if we're just looking for someone to bitch and moan to with and this is our favorite subject to do that with then we're not looking for a solution as much as a hearing ear. *shrugging
Wanting to have something to complain about is one reason why people would rather not solve problems — and it gets them attention.
Another reason is that the problem reinforces their low self esteem and to solve it would run the risk of being a better person that they think they are. Quite anxiety provoking.
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Pax ... Kihe
Curmudgeon-In-Training
10 4 u
If it wasn't for the innocents suffering I would just say to heck with them.
That's interesting, Larry. In the context of this Byte:
Either what you say is true,
or they don't agree with the solution you propose
or you are telling them they have a problem that they don't feel they have.
Regardless, pondering this area would, I think, result in some additional marketing tactics for you.
That's always good.
Good catch, Jan. That is often the tactic used when people really want to keep a problem.
True, Kihe, and unconsciously that's what the problem owner wants.
Good luck, Blaine. Sounds like a problem you don't want to keep.
An important aspect to this Byte, Dana. Sometimes it's not the bad feelings from the problem that is the payoff, it's the excuse the problem provides to attack and complain.
Could be, Tanya, and most of the evidence indicates that's not what's going on.
It did give me an idea for a term to describe what you suggest: "Solution Denial."
Val, it's possible we all exhibit this behavior but mostly over small things — a minor problem to others, a familiar comfort to us.
Glome, I'd say "happy as he's going to allow himself to be."
A slightly different animal, Linda, and just as true. Telling me I have a problem and you have the solution goes nowhere. Lot of marriages have this syndrome.
That was my intention, Debby.
Most definitely, John. In that situation you have the physiological resistance to stop as a helper.
Just think, if we took opium away from Edgar Allan Poe? Would we even know his name?
What if Emily Dickinson was not a Agoraphobic, not leaving her home, room even....
A problem to one is inspiration to another ;0)
I do think the people you mentioned would say that their affliction was a problem
AND
there is a great deal of evidence that when you put people in a box they are even more creative then when not so constrained.
Thanks for bringing that up. (I'd say the Byte's statement still holds though).
In this case I mean a problem that the person has.
Thanks.
And when stubborn meets stubborn, watch out!
In this case, David, it is the person's problem. So I'd say you have "to" them rather than "around" them. They don't want their problem solved and that is the crux of this particular issue.
Thanks.
In this Byte. the issue is. the problem owner doesn't want to solve the problem.
Trust me, this works better than all peace treaties known to humankind.
Thanks.
Might I had double-never point your finger while doing that :)
You don't help them by not playing, but you avoid the bad feelings you'll get if you do.
Sometimes Bytes arrive at just the right time. A good reason to reread them every once in awhile.
Of course that is also true of us as individuals, if we want to solve it we can, but if we're just looking for someone to bitch and moan to with and this is our favorite subject to do that with then we're not looking for a solution as much as a hearing ear. *shrugging
Another reason is that the problem reinforces their low self esteem and to solve it would run the risk of being a better person that they think they are. Quite anxiety provoking.
(Stronger than the gravitational pull of a Snickers bar? Just askin')
You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control Your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be Mastering change rather than allowing it to master you."
Clueless is your MO, Moe.