If we always blame others for our failures, we don't improve. So even when it is not our fault it helps to look for the contribution our own behavior made to our becoming a victim.
On the other hand, sometimes circumstances make it almost impossible to not be a victim.
In some cases it is a matter of perspective and making yourself to be the victim (sometimes a person really is the victim) but I'm leaning more towards those who try to play the victim and get sympathy.
You are the only one who can make you feel bad. That's an old saying I was taught. Of course now that I'm living in NY I don't venture out too much at night either. Be safe on your trip John!
"even when it is not our fault it helps to look for the contribution our own behavior made to our becoming a victim."
Excellent suggestion, Larry.
"sometimes circumstances make it almost impossible to not be a victim."
They way I define it, Larry, "victim" is a psychological label and, in that context, it is always possible not to be a "victim" regardless of the situation.
Okay, were you channeling my dreams for the last few nights? Or, are you getting your psycho-analyst degree by the medium process. I just told hubby that I was dreading and looking forward to going home because once I see my mom, I become a child in her mind again and she exercises her right to be the mom. She will give me the lowdown on her views, her likes and dislikes about me and even if I disagree or don't like it - she is my mom and allowed to feel as she wishes and I become the victim of her "arrows of outragious fortune" because of my raising and respect for my mother. I accept her right to point out the faults she sees but I also accept the role of victim because she gets her say but most times I do not.
The key words there are "usually" and "victim"--move along to survivorhood and let the experience be part of the past, rather than the mold to reshape your whole life.
"once I see my mom, I become a child in her mind again and she exercises her right to be the mom" Donna, remember, that doesn't mean you have to exercise your right to be a child.
"I also accept the role of victim because she gets her say but most times I do not."
Dispelling Urban Legend Alert: Not being able to say anything does not make you be a victim.
Your mother brings more of this Byte into play and that is what is referred to as the "drama" triangle. Victim, persecutor and rescuer. In some families those are honed to a fine degree. You don't have to participate in that play even though you are in the room.
If your mother needs to persecute, she'll find other victims. The world is full of them
Yes, I agree. I believe that almost everyone is a "victim" of something/someone at least once in their life. Ideally, they learn from it and move on. The problem is when they continue to be a victim. I think some people are just too lazy to pull themselves up, get help, "confront the enemy," whatever, and move on to a better circumstance. It takes time --and effort-- but in most cases it is possible to do. Instead, they would rather stay where they are and use it as their "excuse." *** BTW, have a great trip and drink a margarita for me.
"they would rather stay where they are and use it as their "excuse."
Often the case, Debra. Being a "victim" often comes from a way to get the attention (read "love") one needs as a child. Like movie stars, the problem is when you start believing your own press.
I have been a victim, but I moved on and put it behind me. On the other hand someone I love that was a victim of the same and has been stuck in time...and wants me to be there with her. She doesn't seem to get it that she is forfeiting her present and future if she remains a victim. I'm at a lost on how to help her without being pulled into the muck.
" she is forfeiting her present and future if she remains a victim"
Good way to put the consequences, Jenn. Thanks.
"I'm at a loss on how to help her without being pulled into the muck."
I'm sure there are a number of books that address this issue. I do know you want to be careful not the become a "rescuer" because that does neither you or her any good.
What comes to my mind is being a "mirror," however you choose to interpret that.
I agree. I know a person who, yes had a hard life when a child, but now many times he used the victim take to argue his way out of many thing. Not with me, but he does use it with others and thus he self inflict the wound over and over again. It is sad, but they don't get it. Anna del C. Author of "The Silent Warrior Trilogy" http://www.annadelc.com
I can't help going back to government where a great many of us are victims whose wounds are inflicted by forces beyond our personal control but in a large sense by our defintion of "WE". I guess "we" elect our persecuters.
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There may or may not be Thought~Byte postings depending on Internet availability, which is an unknown at the moment.
Have a great week and we'll be talking shortly one way or another!
There's the rub, Karen. And why it's hard to work oneself out of it.
Hope you enjoy the trip.
With what Karen said, that's the issue. Not awareness but willingness to change.
A known negative is often worth more than an unknown positive.
New York, now that's a different situation. :)
PS. Have a lovely time John.
On the other hand, sometimes circumstances make it almost impossible to not be a victim.
God Bless You
Agreed, Vivian. Everything is in the perspective.
Georgiana, I'd say some people behave that way because they think it's the only way for them to survive.
They're wrong. It is simply the way they are most familiar with.
OK, John. I'll bite. Transfats?
Agreed, LaRue.
Mary, a lot depends on your definition of "victim."
Excellent suggestion, Larry.
"sometimes circumstances make it almost impossible to not be a victim."
They way I define it, Larry, "victim" is a psychological label and, in that context, it is always possible not to be a "victim" regardless of the situation.
Lydia, and best friend as well, I hope.
Then you made a good decision Ashley because (nothing personal) you'd make a lousy victim.
I think it's just how the Thought~Byte cards fall, Robert. No trend here.
Good one, Janie. Thanks.
And sometimes, Rebecca, the sympathy they are trying to get is from themselves.
True, Patricia and "make" is a key word in that.
Or, in this context, Linda, and from their perspective, their own best enemy.
Beaker, I like the concept of "mold." Thanks.
In which case, those two should talk. :)
Donna, remember, that doesn't mean you have to exercise your right to be a child.
"I also accept the role of victim because she gets her say but most times I do not."
Dispelling Urban Legend Alert: Not being able to say anything does not make you be a victim.
Your mother brings more of this Byte into play and that is what is referred to as the "drama" triangle. Victim, persecutor and rescuer. In some families those are honed to a fine degree. You don't have to participate in that play even though you are in the room.
If your mother needs to persecute, she'll find other victims. The world is full of them
can't leave his room for 2 months!!!!"
Rick, so that means Obama has two months to get everything fixed?
Agreed, Haim. I think they each have a different definition of "victim."
Renee, an excellent way to clarify that the responsibility is yours.
Thanks.
Often the case, Debra. Being a "victim" often comes from a way to get the attention (read "love") one needs as a child. Like movie stars, the problem is when you start believing your own press.
Good way to put the consequences, Jenn. Thanks.
"I'm at a loss on how to help her without being pulled into the muck."
I'm sure there are a number of books that address this issue. I do know you want to be careful not the become a "rescuer" because that does neither you or her any good.
What comes to my mind is being a "mirror," however you choose to interpret that.
Have a Great & powerful day W/J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus Love You Too!!!!!
Thanks.
Being Abe Lincoln's birthday: "You're only as happy as you choose to be".
Anna del C.
Author of "The Silent Warrior Trilogy"
http://www.annadelc.com
What they need to do is work through the past pain to which being a victim is their present solution.
I wish they understood that change is in their control.
Rest easy