For those new to Thought~Bytes, on 9/13/07, Phil Frank, the cartoonist who drew these Thought~Byte pictures, passed on. He will be missed by all who knew him and enjoyed his 30 plus years of cartoon strips such as Farley and The Elderberries.
For those who haven't read these: An article I wrote saying Goodbye to Phil A Life I'd Jump at
My hubby is unhealthy. Is our relationship doomed?! Seriously, he is in and out of doctor's offices. And, his blood count goes one point low every time they draw blood to test him.
I know, about the quote, John, and what it meant, I was just kidding about the first part. But, if one person is unhealthy and can't maintain their physical stamina. That does have a negative affect on the relationship over time.
The truth of this byte makes it scary. Many relationships are in trouble well before either party realizes it. It was not until I embraced sobriety nine years ago that I understood why my husband denied my issue with drinking for so long. He has only recently begun to admit to my having had a problem. My weakness allowed him to control me in ways I was not even aware of. Early i recovery I had to accept that my recovery might mean the end of my marriage. Not over til it's over though.
Misery does love company, especially the old pot and kettle. It's easier to justify our actions if the person we're with is doing it too. And why blame ourselves when we can blame someone else.
Looking inward is the only way to get healthy.
We'll just continue to do our yoga together, John-dear. ;)
I've seen many sad cases. In one it was the mother of an "adult" (in age) son who derived her "sanity" by keeping her son in and out of trouble and dependency and low self esteem. In another the husband was essentially the son, with the same sick relationship.
John, this is true and it goes both ways among the sexes, though I'm not sure if the context I speak of is what you intended. I'm thinking: some partners can only maintain an emotional bond with their 'other' if they believe that their 'other' wouldn't be able to cope without their protection and support. Or something like that.
Robert, I'd say in your example that if the second person needs a hero, it is a codependent relationship. If they don't, then the first person is playing a role.
In either case, the relationship is probably short on authenticity.
It raises an interesting facet to this whole topic.
I guess this is not a problem I have in my relationship...I am myself and my husband is himself...both of us confidant in who we are .... Yin yang to me represented two strengths working in harmony to make a strong and attractive whole..thus yin yang
These are so wonderful John, I have missed them. OHHH! Tis' so true, and undeniably the absolute worst of romantic scenarios. IT happens tho', much too often. Excellent John. Ellen B
Some independence is good for a relationship, as no one wants to be depended upon completely. Even when we have the head of house, both should have a voice.
Well, I guess if both parties are satisfied with their disfunctionality, I guess it would be ok. Disfunctional by healthy standards, but ok for them. Personally, I like the functional route!
John, I was going to suggest that you use the word "doomed" in place of "in trouble" then I recalled a couple of mentally retarded people that I know who thrive because of their handicaps and would not, otherwise, have a relationship. There's always an exception.
Sometimes I wonder if the term "co-dependency" doesn't get a bad rap. I mean, depending on one's perspective, co-dependency also means, "you can rely on me".
You can rely on me to be faithful, your best friend, your sounding board, your occasional critic, your edifying mate and above all, here with you to the end. Not such a bad thing, I say.
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For those who haven't read these:
An article I wrote saying Goodbye to Phil
A Life I'd Jump at
And the final The San Francisco Chronicle article (Tuesday 1/1/08) about their long time cartoonist.
Bidding final farewell to cartoonist Phil Frank
I like your way of expressing this truth!
Interesting slant you took on this.
Seriously, he is in and out of doctor's offices.
And, his blood count goes one point low every time they draw blood to test him.
(In one way or another :)
But, if one person is unhealthy and can't maintain their physical stamina. That does have a negative affect on the relationship over time.
have a cool yule!
cheers,gayle
Looking inward is the only way to get healthy.
We'll just continue to do our yoga together, John-dear. ;)
also, codependency requires two, so when you realize what's going on you need to own your part as well and move from there.
Let's say it will change the nature of the relationship, Angela.
I spent two years caring for a dying wife and the relationship was different — and I'd say richer.
(for more see: Ginne – After, Despite, Because (A memoir about loving and dying.)
Agreed, Gayle.
Accepting yourself is a precursor to a healthy relationship with another.
Any time one party changes, Linda, the relationship is put to the test.
Jan, the irony is that I might see your dependence on me and not see my dependence on you.
I sometimes think some people enter relationships just to have someone to blame for their own faults.
Jules, darlin', yoga anytime. ;)
I find those relationships interesting and clever — in their own way, each has discovered a method for surviving with their neuroses intact.
A good way to be, Steph.
In either case, the relationship is probably short on authenticity.
It raises an interesting facet to this whole topic.
Thanks.
Larry, it will seem to last forever!
Thanks.
Yin yang to me represented two strengths working in harmony to make a strong and attractive whole..thus yin yang
An excellent explanation of how this works, Jenn.
Thanks.
A number of Bytes deal with the different aspects of expectations.
I guess the operative word is "depend."
Bless you John,,,
If you want to skim over the other Thought~Bytes, they are in one handy place at :
Thought~Bytes
Is it good or bad to achieve notoriety?
This takes you in the front door, and this takes you in the back door. If you’ve been, don’t click again.
Gather Broadcasting: Have it your way
Contracted for, but still pain.
If your only way of succeeding is to stand on the weakness of the other, then your predisposed to failure.
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Thank you,,,
Rest easy
You can rely on me to be faithful, your best friend, your sounding board, your occasional critic, your edifying mate and above all, here with you to the end. Not such a bad thing, I say.
Thanks John.