My uncle said to my cousin and his bride at their wedding reception, "Patrick, put your hand over hers while I make this toast." He waited until Patrick obeyed, and then smiled. "Now remember this moment, because it's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand."
When my aunt and uncle married, they agreed to take turns being president for a year at a time. In the event of a disagreement, the president would break the tie. The first year, both voted, and my uncle was president. The second year, both voted for my aunt. The third year, each voted for themselves. The president, my aunt, broke the tie and she has been president for the past 49 years. She's a smart lady!
We ideally change places in a relationship to even out the "power" balance but this assumes both parties enter the relationship on an even level which is often not the case. I have known females who married the guy they just could not live without only to divorce them because they also could not live WITH them. It is the rare couple who stays married in this easily disposable society and works through a dispute. Problems arise when one makes the money and the other spends - they discussed financial infidelity on THE VIEW yesterday and it seems that is as important an issue as is emotional infidelity or adultery. In my marriage I was never the major earner but when we were dating, I was the only one working for about 6 months and we found so many ways to spend time together on very little money and it made us closer rather than resentful. We would buy an inexpensive meal and take it to a park and walk around looking at nature or ride around seeing the bigger picture of the whole park - very inexpensive. He did odd jobs during the week when I was working so he could take us to the movies or out to a cheap meal or a movie before 5 pm on a Saturday or Sunday. I stopped at a grocery store on my way to his house and bought foods for us as well as some things for him during the week and neither of us was "broke" or felt we were carrying or being carried by the other. We still tell each other when we spend something unless I make an extra on a survey and take the accumulated extras to buy him a surprise. Right now we still have one minor child under child support from another marriage and when that ends in less than two years, we will have more breathing room and more opportunities to invest or travel. Control is mostly an illusion but maintenance is the reality.
Power shifts and flows in relationships as a function of communication, which facilitates collaboration. To extrapolate from your cartoon, John, it looks like the female captain is in charge, because she's up front, leading the way with the telescope. But leading the way and giving the orders is pointless if the helmsman doesn't follow them, or if the orders don't make sense. The two have to agree for anything constructive to happen.
Sarah, long story about the book. I'll discuss it here some day.
Phil was syndicated for several cartoon strips during his career, most recently "The Elderberries."
But he was most famous for his 20 year strip "Farley," the only dedicated strip in a major city newspaper.
As many know, on 9/13/07, Phil Frank, the cartoonist who drew these Thought~Byte pictures, passed on. He will be missed by all who knew him and enjoyed his 30 plus years of cartoon strips such as Farley and The Elderberries.
Well that's not a bad example at all, I've known cases in which she just complains; while there are societies in which it's quite the opposite. Still it's a very good one.
John, you certainly know the ins and outs of male/female relationships. Truth hidden in humor, you peg it every time. Or is it that you find the humor hidden in truth...
I was once engaged to a woman (and this is a large part of why I am no longer so) to whom and about whom I used, quite accurately, to say "Compromise means I agree to do what you want."
I suspect you know that problem and are alluding to it (among others) with this thought-byte...
I went out with a woman in Montreal for a year. She had very definite ideas of how things should be done. Not controlling but obsessive/compulsive. I thought, "These things aren't important. I'll do whatever she wants and see what happens."
I try not to control the man I love. We pretty much have an equal relationship. I'm pretty easy going and try to listen to my hubby's needs. So, what if my kids listen to me more? That's not my hubby's fault. He works third shift and sleeps all day. Poor guy. We have a mutual abiding love, and get along well.
She might have the telescope, but he has the rudder. His glum face hides the fact that despite her, no doubt expensive, admiral's uniform, he actually possesses the power. I'm all for mutuality. They should both be rowing. (I don't mean having a contretemps, but paddling!)
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 121
:-)
Humor helps the truth go down is the Thought~Byte motto.
Careful, Adelaide. Might scare him off.
This is true of everything, Sylvia.
Now, Tanya ...
I believe you have captured the operating attitude here, Vic.
Thanks.
The question is, of what, Bethany.
Thanks.
Jennifer, wink aside, I think men sometimes think it started in the other direction.
Sharon, there are two types of men.
Those who have learned that lesson and those who have not learned it yet.
Good for you to see under the humor.
Phil was syndicated for several cartoon strips during his career, most recently "The Elderberries."
But he was most famous for his 20 year strip "Farley," the only dedicated strip in a major city newspaper.
As many know, on 9/13/07, Phil Frank, the cartoonist who drew these Thought~Byte pictures, passed on. He will be missed by all who knew him and enjoyed his 30 plus years of cartoon strips such as Farley and The Elderberries.
For those who are interested:
An article I wrote saying Goodbye to Phil
A Life I'd Jump at
And the final The San Francisco Chronicle article (Tuesday 1/1/08) about their long time cartoonist.
Bidding final farewell to cartoonist Phil Frank
It also raises the question whether you're happy if a promise is never fulfilled but you believe that it will be.
Or, that the best a man can ever do with a woman is tie :)
Of course, not to other husbands.
Or send it to your mom and let her decide how to deliver it :)
and she's been saying this for how long now?
I was once engaged to a woman (and this is a large part of why I am no longer so) to whom and about whom I used, quite accurately, to say "Compromise means I agree to do what you want."
I suspect you know that problem and are alluding to it (among others) with this thought-byte...
I went out with a woman in Montreal for a year. She had very definite ideas of how things should be done. Not controlling but obsessive/compulsive. I thought, "These things aren't important. I'll do whatever she wants and see what happens."
It was a very freeing experience for me.
Most Bytes started with the truth. When Phil got involved, we started adding the humor.
The Man Song
Very funny, Don. Thanks.
The only problem with that, Blaine, is you might be sued for sexual harassment.
Remember, Eve was framed ...
So, what if my kids listen to me more? That's not my hubby's fault.
He works third shift and sleeps all day. Poor guy.
We have a mutual abiding love, and get along well.
I'm all for mutuality. They should both be rowing. (I don't mean having a contretemps, but paddling!)
That's what they'd like us to think, Mike. But look what she has behind her back — a sword or his golf club. Either way, I bet she wields the power.
Although some people will blame you even when you don't have the responsibility :)