I've switched to posting Thought~Bytes in an article format. You can see Thought~Bytes 1 through 71 by searching for "thoughtbytes" under "images" or going to Images on my namespace.
March 29 would have been Phil frank's 65th birthday. Sausalito celebrated one of theri favorites sons with a huge party. Details are at: Town Celebrates Phil Frank
Modeling good behavior and thinking is all you can do as a parent, Arleen.
(Not that parenting isn't a major responsibility but recent research studies indicate that parents are not as important a factor in a person's personality development as was - friends, school etc. weigh in more heavily. I don't want to open up a new topic, but wanted to pass that on.)
I never thought anyone loved me until I met my husband and the certainty of that love makes it impossible to say this phrase unless we are kidding with each other about some outrageous thing like a Jaguar or million dollar mansion. What we have belongs to us both so there is no blackmail necessary - and, we prefer smooth sailing to stormy relations.
I am glad you are doing these as articles. I rarely look at photos. Very good; I will have to check out some of your previous work.
As to the above; Love should be unconditional; the only being that perfected it is the Godhead. Most of us do tend to make it conditional much of the time.
Once you start a tirade with "If you loved me....." you make it almost impossible for the other to do so - and if you think you've gotten away with it, you haven't; the time bomb is ticking......
Nah, It's more like manipulation, extortion or blackmail (as Lady Nalita said).
My sweet Donna-Blue-Eyes and I have never said this to each other. Our love is based on how we feel about each other and care about each other; not on how well our personal demands are being met by the other.
Spartan, the child reference (and pets mentioned above) is an important benchmark for what we mean by this.
I agree with what you say about boundaries but I think you mean it in a "living in the world" sense — it can also mean "unconditional" in an emotional sense, implying independence and acceptance.
Nice thought byte, John. Love means a lot of different things. We need to love ourselves big time or we will seek testimony from others as a crutch to bolster self esteem. Nothing wrong with seeking love, but demanding how and when it comes can cause problems for everyone.
OK, I put on my head shrinker hat and try to discover where you got that. Could be a soap opera or a poor romance novel. It could be from your own experience or maybe just a bad bit of pizza. My bride of 49 winters and I have disagreed a number of times but the "If" word has never crossed either of our lips. Avoiding that one thing should , at least, be one chapter in the book of happiness.
What do you do with all those Gather points, John?
With children, I'd turn it around and say, "No, it's BECAUSE I love you that I won't [insert child's request/demand here]." My kids aren't particularly manipulative, though.
What a great way to start the day. Good conversation and something to think about. My husband and I have been together 14 years and I will still ask him "Do you love me?" Not because I want something, but because I like to hear him say it... Hmmm, I don't know if that means I'm insecure? Don't think so... just like to hear it every once in a while. He has learned that heaving a heavy sigh and rolling his eyes whilst saying it doesn't cut it and so has learned that a hug and a very romantic "Oh you know I love you baby," will send me skipping off with my laundry basket like Cinderella when she's singing with her little mice friends. Have a great day!
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"
...one thing i can say is that I think love is unconditional, but as another commenter pointed out, relationships should and do have limits and boundaries (that's where the complications begin)
Stephanie, I agree with the "boundaries" comment also, but I think that is enlarging the boundaries of the original intent here (not that there's anything wrong with that).
First, never put on a shrink hat because sometimes they go to work on the nearest head available which, in that case, would be ... you.
A number of people today have said, "We never say that." I believe everyone and it makes me thinks I should broaden this. Thinking "if she loved me" would make my same point. (It would also effect the relationship though not as overtly). My point here has as much to do with the speaker/thinker's self-esteem as with the health of the relationship.
I don't get that many points and I haven't done much with them so far. It does make me think of a Humor Monday article called "Let's buy Gather." They're relying on everyone turning in their points, but IF WE DIDN'T ... heh, heh, heh.
Well said! Did you know emotional abuse is considered a valid form of Domestic Violence? We learned about it in the battered women's shelter where I lived for a while!
Unconditional love? There IS such a thing but I wonder how many people use the term loosely. Find a spouse bedding a friend and your head will spin with the speed the conditions (like fidelity) become obvious. For some, though, it can be said the love was unconditional . . . until the moment there was no love remaining. Isn't the after effect of pain a withdrawal symptom of the loss of love?
This one's a tad tougher to chew on John . . . setting conditions is a given in relationships . . . it's just which conditions? . . . and how arbitrary are they?
Andrea Yates killed her five children and her husband stood by her. Unconditional love? Four years later . . . he divorced her (she's incarcerated).
All right . . . I'll spend some time pondering this one . . . :)
Doyle, I think here unconditional love refers to one's self-esteem more than to the particular relationship—the capacity for unconditional love, perhaps.
In that case, the definition of "conditions" may be a moot point here, though an interesting one on its own.
Pondering is a good thing. The second Thought~Byte each week is chosen for that specific purpose.
That sounds to me like a self-centered person trying to use a little manipulation to get the other person to do, or not something. It doesn't sound much like the language of love, more like a control tactic to change the actions of another person. That already precluded the possibility of love, and got into a business transaction.
Kinda' like the guy that told his wife, "I told you I loved you 25 years ago, now if I change my mind, I'll let you know. " (Ouch! now that hurts.)
"If you loved me" is a selfish statement. When my husband was going into the hospital for cardiac bypass surgery, his mother, sister and nephew came to stay at our house. My first reaction was "I don't need houseguests at this stressful time." Then I had a blinding flash of maturity and realized that mine are not the only needs and feelings that matter. God, in His infinite wisdom, seems to smack me with reality when I need it. For this, I am profoundly grateful.
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Comments: 155
If you loved me, you'd never say, "If you loved me..." is a great way to say it. May the sun shine on you all week long.
Emotional blackmail, that's what.
I used to do that. I've stopped. Now I just say,
"I know you love me, you know you love me, so stop resisting the urge. . ."
(Not that parenting isn't a major responsibility but recent research studies indicate that parents are not as important a factor in a person's personality development as was - friends, school etc. weigh in more heavily. I don't want to open up a new topic, but wanted to pass that on.)
As to the above; Love should be unconditional; the only being that perfected it is the Godhead. Most of us do tend to make it conditional much of the time.
Nah, It's more like manipulation, extortion or blackmail (as Lady Nalita said).
My sweet Donna-Blue-Eyes and I have never said this to each other. Our love is based on how we feel about each other and care about each other; not on how well our personal demands are being met by the other.
Have a great day.
I agree with what you say about boundaries but I think you mean it in a "living in the world" sense — it can also mean "unconditional" in an emotional sense, implying independence and acceptance.
"seek testimony from others" I love that phrasing. Thanks.
What do you do with all those Gather points, John?
Rest easy
"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with"
...one thing i can say is that I think love is unconditional, but as another commenter pointed out, relationships should and do have limits and boundaries (that's where the complications begin)
Kristina, glad we have succeeded at that for you.
I don't know if it means you are a little insecure or not but my take would be that anything that sends you skipping is a good thing.
(also "common" because it's learned by the common man who didn't go to school at the time, nor did he have a Game-Boy)
First, never put on a shrink hat because sometimes they go to work on the nearest head available which, in that case, would be ... you.
A number of people today have said, "We never say that." I believe everyone and it makes me thinks I should broaden this. Thinking "if she loved me" would make my same point. (It would also effect the relationship though not as overtly). My point here has as much to do with the speaker/thinker's self-esteem as with the health of the relationship.
I don't get that many points and I haven't done much with them so far. It does make me think of a Humor Monday article called "Let's buy Gather." They're relying on everyone turning in their points, but IF WE DIDN'T ... heh, heh, heh.
Either you're kids aren't particularly manipulative or they are very good at it!
Thank you for posting this to Make me Laugh
This one's a tad tougher to chew on John . . . setting conditions is a given in relationships . . . it's just which conditions? . . . and how arbitrary are they?
Andrea Yates killed her five children and her husband stood by her. Unconditional love? Four years later . . . he divorced her (she's incarcerated).
All right . . . I'll spend some time pondering this one . . . :)
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
In that case, the definition of "conditions" may be a moot point here, though an interesting one on its own.
Pondering is a good thing. The second Thought~Byte each week is chosen for that specific purpose.
Kinda' like the guy that told his wife, "I told you I loved you 25 years ago, now if I change my mind, I'll let you know. " (Ouch! now that hurts.)
Very important, Jan. Thanks.