Friday Giggles is an attempt to cast off the week doldrums and get into a happy mood for the weekend. (People who work weekends should read this during the week.)
When posted (may not be weekly but always on Friday) it will contain a snippet or two I found amusing or a short article I ran across. Most will not be items written by me.
Feel free to add giggles of your own in the comment section.
Enjoy your weekend.
This Friday’s Giggles:
(I received this in an email. I know this has been around for some years but it seemed particularly appropriate. I’d love to credit the originator but he/she seems to have been lost in the morass — a term that’s defined below.)
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science , and its greatest concentration seems to be the geographical area of Washington D. C., although many states have detected pockets of the element near the center of each state..
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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Comments: 129
I think it's very clever.
I have seen various versions of this as well, but as you point out, it is once again appropriate for the headaches we currently and will be enduring. Another 10 for you!
I don't know who wrote this, but -- unfortunately -- they have a very active imagination, and -- unfortunately -- far too close to the truth for comfort.
Aren't Americans DE-pressed, RE-pressed, SUP-pressed, and OP-pressed enough?!
What's even more unfortunate is the method required by law to outlaw this unnatural chemical: passing the House -- talk about another MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!
There is NO amount of money Tom Cruise would take for the role, and Hollywood would reject the script, saying it was toooo unrealistic, citing the reason as being that the public would never go for it!
But pretend for a moment that Tom Cruise COULD pull this one off. The House would need to pass this bill; Mission IMPOSSIBLE!
but even if Cruise did manage to trick the House into passing it, it would also need to pass the Senate; do you REALLY believe that's going to occur? Do you, John? Just HOW is he going to manage that one?
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!
Do people really shoot themselves in the foot?
But on the outside chance that it passed the Senate, (odds which even Vegas oddsmakers would never, ever go for), and makes it to the President's desk. For sure he shall veto it.
What? Shall Cruise replace the President long enough to sign the bill himself? Too far-fetched; you already know what I'm about to say, John: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!
Now what? Is it 2/3 required to pass it this time in the House? But never mind any of this. This bill would never make it out of Committee in the first place.
Governmentium is here to stay, and this is the worst news I've heard . . .Good God Almighty! Talk about a GREAT DEPRESSION! It's even worse than any economic news to date.
Sometimes people pray for a deadlocked Congress, feeling that the less they accomplish the better. However when we want something done or fixed the inertia becomes most frustrating.
In short, we may as well laugh.
Bert, that high!
Jeff, there always seems to be a place for bureaucracy.
K D, it may be sporadic on Fridays — anyway, this is the first one.
Save this, maybe you can auction it off on eBay for big bucks in the future :)
"Do people really shoot themselves in the foot?"
It is second behind basketball as the sport most American participate in. Unfortunately, it's not much of a spectator sport and that's why we professional foot-shooters need to hold down a regular job as well.
Yvonne, laughter is our only defense.
John, maybe if they knew we were laughing at them. I know it hasn't stopped the lawyers but maybe ...
Greg, my understanding is that they are invincible against the normal performance appraisal measurements.
I notice Jules seems to be finding identities for lot of people.
LOL, Nancy. Thanks.
Have you ever heard of the FUN NUN?
312. Plus dozens of other peons to tell them how to do it.
We could lure them there by saying it's a campaign fundraising event.
You made me think of her today, thank you for that, because she was the happiest person I know.
My theory is that bureaucracies are not created at the top but by the morons who aggregate together and create work for each other to do.
I will certainly check out her books.
Thanks.
Regards and TEN for you John.
Looking forward to the weekly humor. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for posting this to Science for Everyone. It is absolutely appropriate to post articles there that relate to the discovery of a new element. Fascinating. I will need to check on this in the original peer reviewed literature. Thanks.
Have a great holiday season to you and yours.
May you get everything you want and more this holiday season.
Have a great weekend John. For those who are planning on seeing "The Day the Earth Stood Still," AMC is showing the original version this evening-check your local listings!
...Lady Neeetah - lol!
Very apt quote, Elizabeth.
Thanks.
I guess in this case, David, it is the whole damn government — maybe.
I assume that would be the National Association of Morons, Sy.
I think the answer is something.