The ongoing search for motivation

When you deal with a chronic alcohol problem, you don't just decide to stop drinking, dust off your hands and mosey away whistling because whew, glad that's taken care of -- you basically have to make the same decision over and over again: I'm not going to drink today. As time goes by, that choice gets easier, it becomes almost second nature, something you don't have to apply much thought to, but it's still there. Quietly, in the back of your mind, you're sticking to your guns, you're taking purposeful steps to avoid that sticky tar-pit that once held you in a slow drown.

I wish I didn't know this first-hand, but I do. I quit drinking a few years ago, and while it seemed like an insurmountable challenge at first, the ongoing decision not to drink is now as much a part of me as the pathology ever was to begin with.

It seems to me that sticking with a fitness and health regimen should offer a familiar process: first, it feels nearly impossible, then as you have days and weeks and months under your belt, the routine becomes easier; it's no longer something with which you have to struggle. Oh, sure, you still have to make good choices -- no magical willpower fairy is going to do this for you -- but the choices become like well-worn prints in the sand that hold your feet perfectly. You know the path by heart, you could do it in the dark.

And yet, I think it's a little different. I think it's actually harder in some ways (not all, mind you) than choosing not to drink. Because you don't just decide not to do something, you have to actively choose what you are going to do -- and you have to do it at every meal, you have to actually get off your butt and physically engage yourself.

Three months into my current fitness routine, I have all the tools I need for success: I know what exercises work, I know which foods are satisfying and healthy, I know how to carve out the time I need to focus on my workouts. It's not easy, though. Easy is deciding to skip a workout because I'd rather relax on the couch; easy is ordering a pizza instead of preparing dinner at the end of a long day; easy is thinking hey, I have two kids under 3, a part-time office job, a bunch of freelance assignments, and a never-ending pile of housework, I am too damn busy for salads and cardio.

The path is there before me and every day I have to decide that I am worth the effort and inconvenience and discomfort and put my feet where I know they should go. I don't know if it will ever become second nature to me, because even as I get stronger and I feel more reward from what I'm doing and I actually enjoy it more and more, eating right and exercising is a choice that requires my participation, my time and my energy. Every day I have to look for that time and that energy, and sometimes those things aren't where I think they should be -- I have to search in dimly-lit corners, I have to re-focus all over again.

But it is so, so worth it. It is always worth it. There is nothing that comes close to the feeling of pride, energy, and strength that a healthy lifestyle gives me. Nothing. No food will make me as happy. No sedentary activity will make me feel as capable. No excuses, no free passes, no reason not to do it.

It's not easy, maybe it will never be easy, but I guess these days I'm no longer afraid of some hard work. And you know, I really like that about myself.

Living a balanced life - it's easier than you think! And there are some small changes you can make each day to make a big difference. Read weekly articles in Balanced Living about eating better, and share your own tips for balanced living. Click here to join the group to stay updated and to publishyour own content.

 

 

To stay up-to-date with Linda Lee's articles: