Time to make a Change..or Talking to Yoda @ 2:30 AM

I was walking past the mirror tonight and I took a good long look at myself. Now I actually look in the mirror every night. It used to be to count the grey hairs in my goatee and then to cut them out with my trimmers. Ok well I gave up on that a few years ago when I realized between marriage, kids, my family and work it was only going to get way worse. So now I sport a speckled egg goatee. Sorta my way of accepting life saying "Here's egg in your face Bryan.".

For a while it was a hair thing. My wife refused to let me cut my hair for almost 4 years wanting me to have long hair. I turned into a teenager again. Obsessed with my hair looking right. Hairspray, moose, gel. Yep I used it all. I could have stopped a bullet with the helmet I created everyday, but the wife was happy and when the wife is happy...Well Im safe for the time being. Christmas 2005 with a look in the mirror I got tired of dealing with it and got it all cut off. About a foot and a half. Suddenly I didnt have as many headaches and well for some odd reason I started getting call backs for 2nd interviews. My wife wasnt happy but then again I had longer hair than she did and she likes hers short while I like her hair long.

Here we are in 2008 and I just left the bathroom again spying myself in the mirror and getting that same feeling I had each time I decided it was time for change. This time I am wondering whether I accidently swallowed the fridge or if someone found the blow up hole (no not the blow hole...although that would be a worthy description as well) and blew me up while I slept little by little over the last 10 years. Yeah I knew I was fat but...dang I dont remember getting big enough to provide structural support for skyscrapers.

I always had a theory about being fat and humor. I figured If I was going to be this big I had to find a way to laugh at myself and for years and years thats just what I did. I figured if you couldnt find humor in your selected lifestyle you had no business living that lifestyle.Well suddenly its not so funny anymore. I am a short man and I am huge...not just a little but huge in the way little kids look at the huge inflatable room you sometimes find at childrens parties and think bouncy bouncy bouncy.

I dont think I like myself anymore. Im 39 and my body is that of a man in his 60s or 70s. I get around remarkably well for a man my size but I have back pain, knee pain and lately chest pain. It was bad enough to send me to the hospital in March. Odd thing was they did all sorts of stuff and said my heart was fine and I had great lungs for a smoker of almost 32 years. Funny I dont feel any better and the general consensus is if you dont feel right..somethings wrong.

Well Duh Bryan. Its called you are hauling around 3 people in a one person body. Hmm, Maybe that wasnt seafood I ate in florida last year but instead a small boatload of refugees. At least that would make sense out of how my body got so out of control.

So back to tonight I looked in the mirror and my reflection asked me :

"First why are you talking to yourself in the mirror. Do you really need someone to tell you that you need to lose weight and get in shape?"

Umm No I dont guess I do.

"So why are you doing this to yourself? Do you want to be around for your kids to make it through school?"

Duh! Yes I do!

"So why are you taking a bowl to the kitchen after eating at 2:30 AM instead of sleeping and getting up early to go walk or something productive?"

Cause I am stupid?

"That would be correct. You can change all this if you want."

I'll try

(My face morphs into yodas) "There is no try. Do. Or do not."

I really need to see a shrink.

"Yep but theres stairs involved in that."

hmm...good point..find a shrink on the first floor or with an elevator.

"How about get off your butt and lose weight?"

That might just work!

"Duh! Im going to bed"

So here I sit on the computer at 4:12 AM and hoping I can waddle my butt in the gym in the morning and make it home alive. Yeah its time for change. Diet exercise the whole 9 yards. Wish me luck. Im gonna need it. I am doing for myself, my kids and wife, and so I am not seeing yoda in the mirror at 2:30 AM.

Im going to go do a Calorie Chart. Nite all!