Butterfly Kisses From Chris

Hibernation is good for me sometimes, but there comes a time when you hibernate so long that it becomes not so good for you... and you need someone to reach in and pull you out. This time, that someone was my sister Jane.

After a few rough weeks and no intention on coming out of hibernation, my sister called me asking, "So when do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" I had forgotten her invitation the week before, to spend the weekend at her house. I explained to her that I didn't think I'd be good company right now, but she encouraged me to come anyway. I accepted her invitation and made a pact with myself to take this time and get out of the funk I was in.

Mostly it was a lazy weekend, we watched a great movie on Friday night, "Last Chance Harry. A must see! Saturday we had breakfast at Starbucks, her favorite spot, then poked around in Michael's Art's & Crafts, then Borders book store. Were going to read The Shack together. I've read it already, but it's one of those books you've got to read at least twice, and have someone who wants to discuss it's meaning in depth. Jane is the perfect person to do this with because of her deep connection with God.

While at Michael's she said that she wanted a new hobby, so I suggested painting. I helped her select some supplies and later that day we had planned on sitting on her back porch to paint the beautiful scenery. Her back yard backs up to woods and a big field, which is home to dear, rabbits, ground hogs, fox, and abundant species of birds. It is so peaceful and beautiful there, and being a nature lover and smoker, I always spend a good bit of time out on that porch soaking in all the beauty.

I take my camera where ever I go, and out at her place, I always get some wonderful nature shots. The whole time I was there I saw many butterflies, but this one little butterfly landed on the porch and off I ran to grab my camera from inside. If you know anything about butterflies, you know how illusive they are. Well this lil guy was a ham for the camera from the start, or at least I thought...

This beautiful Red-spotted Purple (Limenitis arthemis astyanax) allowed me to snap several photos of him before he flitted off about his way. A short while later, he returned, so I snapped more pictures of him. Off he went again, then came back again! This time I reached down and rested my hand in front of him, and up he climbed, and stayed for at least 10 minutes! More pictures, with my other hand of course, and I was in my glory! Smiling from ear to ear, I felt an incredible peace, a happiness I've not felt in a very long time. All too soon, he left me, and went about his business. But, he came back again! And again I placed my hand down beside him, and up he climbed. I took more pictures of him on my hand, posing my hand against the sky as a backdrop for his splendor. Off he flew into that big blue sky...

I pulled out my Chinese Paint set and decided to paint him. I mixed a blue to match the sky, and began to paint, and just then, he came back to me yet again!!! and landed RIGHT on my paint tray which was sitting on the table in front of me!!! I instantly reached down, worried the paint would harm him if he ate it, and he got up on my hand again! It was then, that I KNEW this butterfly was from Chris. Maybe even that is was Chris! I felt my son WITH ME! Through that butterfly's touch, his tiny delicate legs crawling on my hand, his haustellum dabbing at my skin, the brush of his wing against my face, as I held him close as if to hug him. I felt my son's touch. I felt him right there and my heart sang and soared like the birds in the sky! He stayed for the longest time.... it was like I was spending time with Chris, that's the only way I know how to explain what I felt during my time with this butterfly.

You may call me crazy, a bipolar nut job, or just a dreamer. My three year old nephew even calls me Mudda Nacha (Mother Nature), as if to make fun of me even though he thoroughly loves discovering nature with me... I call me LUCKY! Losing my son to murder may have been the most unlucky thing happen in my life, but through his earthly death, he has shown me THE most incredible things! Things he could never have shown me living here on earth. Things he has learned since leaving, through HIS eyes, by his hand, from his world beyond the veil of a butterflies wings.


I took 112 photos of this butterfly, and I. They are sacred treasures to me, and too precious to share online where they can be so easily stolen. So I made this collage to accompany my writing. Photoshop was used to meld the individual images together to create this collage, however each photo is true to my experience with this butterfly. Please respect that this image is a gift to me from my son,  my art work, and not for anyone to take or use as their own.