What denying marriage can REALLY mean

I just posted this to someone's profile as a ping. Essentially, they left a response to an article I wrote. I thought it important enough that I should make an article out of it, and let others see this for what it is. I'm not gonig to identify the person because, quite frankly, I'm not attacking them. Rather, I thought that perhaps if I pointed out to them the potential consequences of their apathy and inaction to create equality and allow same-sex marriage, it might--just might--change their minds and get them to do something (e.g., VOTE).

You left this comment on my post, 40 Years of Loving.

I have to say that no one has to get married - and if two people truly love each other, they can be together without a legal document. I do 'get' that there are certain benefits for an established couple that go along with being married - and some of those are too important to overlook. At the same time, it would seem that some couples that fought hard for same-sex marriage, also called it quits. Basically, two people are either going to be together or they're not.

I'd like to offer you some scenarios:

a) You've been together with the same person for over 25 years. You don't get along with their family, at all, and their family doesn't approve of your relationship. Your beloved gets into a car accident and is left on life support. Not only are you not allowed to see your beloved, as you are not deemed an immediate family member (as you're not allowed to "marry"), but your beloved's family as decided to terminate life support, even though your know--for a fact--that your beloved would rather be kept alive, on life support, in the hopes that there might, some day, come a cure/treatment for their condition.

b) You've been in a relationship with your beloved for 25 years. The law hasn't allowed you to get married. You decide that things aren't working out. You live in a community-property state and decide to split everything 50/50. You wake up the next morning. Your beloved is gone, and you realize that they've wiped you out: bank accounts, retirement accounts, EVERYTHING--it's all gone.

These are just TWO scenarios that do happen, have happened, and will continue to happen as long any two adult human beings who wish to marry are unable to do so because the law forbids them from getting married.

These are just two out of a potential one-thousand, one-hundred and thirty-eight (that's 1,138 for you numerically-challenged) rights and responsibilities that apply to and differentiate married individuals from those who are not married. See this article on Wikipedia, which is based entirely on two (count them, TWO) publications produced by the United States government.

I'm not one to be dishonest and I'll let you know right off the bat that I have no idea what those 1,138 rights and responsibilities truly are. However, I've read enough of IRS Instructions and other statutory and case law to have a general, good idea of what they might be. I've also seen enough documentaries on television, and heard enough personal stories, to have a good idea of what those 1,138 rights and responsibilities are. But if you're not like me, then go and read the Wikipedia article, and then go and read the two publications that the United States government has produced.

Everyone is making a big deal this year about the election, about having to choose between Senators McCain and Obama. To be honest, neither of them is going to have much of an impact on how things are done, or what laws are made or passed. And that's a post for another time.

On a personal note, I haven't been on Gather, or my personal blog, for some time -- essentially since my grandfather died in June 2008. I've been pretty fucked up, to put it bluntly, since then. My Depression has taken a nose-dive. While I'm not having "bad thoughts," and I continue to take my three anti-depressant medications each day (or just about each day; I do forget to take them from time to time), there are days that the ONLY time I make it out of bed is to go to the bathroom. I have managed to spend my FIRST birthday in SEVEN years NOT being hospitalized; however, I fear that hospitalization for my Depression isn't far away if things don't improve soon.

EDIT 28 January 2009: If you really want to know what denying marriage means, then please visit the <a href=http://www.equalitymatters.org>Equality Matters web site</a>. And if you decide that equality does, in fact, matter, then please join me in the <a href=http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977565410>Virtual March for Equalty</a>!

• #0047: Joint Taxes

  LGBT couples cannot file taxes jointly; as a result, taxes for a LGBT couple can be significantly higher.

• #0221: Hospital Visitation

  LGBT couples have no legal right to visit a spouse in the hospital and can be barred from entering the room by medical personnel.

• #0497: estate tAXES

  LGBT couples cannot pass their estate to a spouse tax-free, which creates a huge tax burden that can result in the loss of a spouse's home or business.

• #0544: Job Security

  In a majority of states, employees can be fired just for being gay, which can put a huge burden on any family's financial security.

• #0608: Immigration

  LGBT are denied special consideration for the immigration of a spouse, often resulting in a painful seperation when a loved one is from a foreign country.

• #0812: Property Taxes

  LGBT must pay property tax when transferring property between spouses.

• #0904: Social Security

  LGBT are not eligible to receive a spouse's Social Security pension or many other government benefits.

• #0945: Medical Decisions

  During a medical crisis, LGBT couples have no legal authority to make critical treatment decisions for their loved one.

• #1121: Domestic Violence

  LGBT cannot ask for or receive domestic violence protection orders.