by Kushal Poddar
Member since:
January 19, 2008

Evidence

February 24, 2009 09:41 PM EST
views: 281 | rating: 9.7/10 (34 votes) | comments: 52

Evidence

I live inside a dead watch,

still and fixed in a perpetual moment

when the small killing bullet

inserted through the glass, shattered it and stuck.

 

The lifeless sound of Fur- Elise

gurgles inside this watch and with broken wings

roams midst the cage of the dial,

evading the touch of the cold nose of the bullet;-

the one which is embedded.

 

I can see the bloods spilled on the new carpet,

the fragments of fleshes, tissues

the hatred I cannot see but feel as if

it is choking me, throttling.

I whisper to the watch, “Don’t lie, once you swear.”

 

They put us in a plastic bag.

=© 2009 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar



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Comments: 52

Thank you ,for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

orkutwishes.com
Have a Great & Powerful YEAR W/J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Melanie B. Feb 24, 2009, 9:47pm EST
~ Thank you for sharing.
Have a fantastic day..
Nancy Biri Feb 24, 2009, 9:49pm EST
Nice
Charity M. Feb 24, 2009, 9:52pm EST
((( Wow...this is very interesting Poddar...I like this )))
Beth G. Feb 24, 2009, 9:53pm EST
This was a very compelling piece of poetry Poddar, thanks for sharing!
Lewis (taking over Gather) K. Feb 24, 2009, 10:00pm EST
Wow. The perspective of a piece of evidence. Your imagination knows no boundaries, Poddar, and I love it.
Georgiana S. Feb 24, 2009, 10:04pm EST
Gives me gooseflesh1 my grandfather had a pocket watch that saved his life from a bullet once in WWI! Very good. A stopped clock is right twice a day!
JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Feb 24, 2009, 10:09pm EST
A watch tells more than time.............
Linda T. Feb 24, 2009, 10:18pm EST
Interesting perspective
Cheryl W. Feb 24, 2009, 10:23pm EST
Powerful write, Poddar!
Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Feb 24, 2009, 10:24pm EST
Murder?
Kerrell g. Feb 24, 2009, 10:34pm EST
Great post, Poddar!
Kimber L. Feb 24, 2009, 10:35pm EST
interesting
L. H. Feb 24, 2009, 10:54pm EST
Great, as usual.
Kimberly Ripley Feb 24, 2009, 10:55pm EST
This is powerful and profound....almost scary!
Dena Straughn Feb 24, 2009, 11:17pm EST
Quite a story told in so few lines; brilliant! And with so many applications for many metaphors.
Alison H. Feb 25, 2009, 12:09am EST
Some of your poems are like mini stories or novels, and so vivid. This is no exception. There are those who can see the history of an object from touching it....I believe it is called psychometry.
Sherrie H. Feb 25, 2009, 12:25am EST
Very intense.
peggy g. Feb 25, 2009, 1:08am EST
nice
JOHN BECK Feb 25, 2009, 1:09am EST
Clever anthropomorphism of evidence.
Jennifer Lee Feb 25, 2009, 1:55am EST
Throbbing with intrigue, well done Kush! Thank you for posting to our group.
Jim Ross Feb 25, 2009, 2:18am EST
Good job, Poddar!
KC Klein Feb 25, 2009, 2:29am EST
interesting portrait
Shelbia C. Feb 25, 2009, 2:51am EST
Wow! I like it. Your first line captured my attention. Well done.
Suzi F. Feb 25, 2009, 4:18am EST
fantastic post, great creativity, thank you for sharing.
Suzi F. Feb 25, 2009, 4:19am EST
Great Post, thank you for sharing. :)
regina k. Feb 25, 2009, 5:40am EST
wonderful.
Jennifer aka Jenn B. Feb 25, 2009, 8:19am EST
short story in your verse..well done
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Feb 25, 2009, 8:22am EST
Für Elise: is the popular name of the bagatelle in A minor, a piece of music for solo piano by Ludwig van Beethoven, dated 27 April 1810.
Nancy L. Feb 25, 2009, 8:24am EST
An interesting assessment of a crime scene from a totally new perspective- very cool!
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Feb 25, 2009, 8:30am EST
Your message comes through quite clearly, but your imagery is a bit confusing because you are working on two different scales.

I know that a shattered watch is a metaphor for death, but somehow it's disconcerting when you jump back and forth between a watch-sized world (for instance, when the POV is inside the watch) and a human-sized world (in which there is blood and fragments of flesh).

Perhaps it would help if you clarifed the endling, in which the human is placed inside a body bag and the watch inside an evidence bag? This would carry your two size scales through to the end of the poem.
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Feb 25, 2009, 8:31am EST
Thank you for posting this to The Surreal Circus.
Sandy C. Feb 25, 2009, 9:00am EST
Nice
JOHN BECK Feb 25, 2009, 10:05am EST
Hi, Ann. I struggled with that as well. However you can see by my comment that I concluded that "evidence" is the narrator here. Now I wonder if that's what Kushal intended.
Elizabeth H. Feb 25, 2009, 10:16am EST
Very powerful.
lilly @Reading Extravaganza Feb 25, 2009, 10:17am EST
That's a very disturbing piece, i like that.
Kathryn E. Feb 25, 2009, 10:36am EST
Featured in the Triple Name Club.
Gessy D. Feb 25, 2009, 11:03am EST
Too deep for me. Thanks for sharing
Haim Kadman Feb 25, 2009, 12:38pm EST
I loved the ending Poddar and fine and intriguing poem, your imagination is fantastic!
Sheila Deeth Feb 25, 2009, 1:31pm EST
Intriguing. Leaves a very clear image.
Angela A. Feb 25, 2009, 2:22pm EST
Oh dear!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Sharon P. Feb 25, 2009, 4:14pm EST
Interesting point of view.
Bard Constantine Feb 25, 2009, 6:48pm EST
What an imagination you have.
Stirling D. Feb 25, 2009, 7:27pm EST
This is so surreal. How do you think of these things?? I agree, Fur Elise can become quite banal after awhile.
blaine d. Feb 26, 2009, 11:57am EST
great one!
Chas Andrews Feb 26, 2009, 1:48pm EST
thanks!
Alison H. Feb 27, 2009, 4:31am EST
Correction: The word "bloods" should not have an s at the end of it.
Michelle W. Feb 27, 2009, 9:51am EST
Quite powerful!

Thanks for posting in Journey Into Poetry !
Patti M. Mar 2, 2009, 1:30pm EST
Your words paint a very graphic picture.


Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com
Gene P. Mar 20, 2009, 2:21pm EDT
Thanks for posting your content to the group Whatever!

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