by Kushal Poddar
Member since:
January 19, 2008

The Factory girl

December 14, 2008 10:17 PM EST
views: 257 | comments: 49

 

Factory girl

A flower on the water. Floats.

She wilts to pick up what can be

the description of her eyes in

the half stirring hours of dawn.

 

The flower she gathers, is kept

in a knot at hem of her dress.

Take a sniff of it, a nostril

full of wild dreams in a grave tone.

Then hurry, she has to get in

before the siren cries. Bugle

of her day, of her liberty.

Akin to the pennon of her

independence the factory

rises. Another day. She and

works and women flocking inside

the shades. Somewhere a cuckoo is

calling. A flower in her dress…

 

the night comes. Drunken hands, ego,

demands…

© 2008 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar

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Comments: 49

rainne chandler Dec 14, 2008, 10:22pm EST
wow have you started that book yet i hope so
Shelbia C. Dec 14, 2008, 10:24pm EST
I love this one, too.
JOHN BECK Dec 14, 2008, 10:40pm EST
It sounds like a hard life with fleeting fantasy. Well written, Poddar.
regina k. Dec 14, 2008, 10:55pm EST
very well written
Kimberly Ripley Dec 14, 2008, 10:57pm EST
Sounds like a difficult life without much time for self.
lynn a. Dec 14, 2008, 11:00pm EST
You paint a picture of factory work that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The bugle call....flocking inside the shades. So sad. Excellent as always, Kushal. Subtle yet stark.
David W. Dec 14, 2008, 11:02pm EST
You captured the plght of a poor working girl siezing a bit of pretty as she goes thorugh her mundane days. Nice.
Alison H. Dec 15, 2008, 12:39am EST
"The flower she gathers is kept

in a knot at hem of her dress."--wonderful detail.

"Bugle of her day, of her liberty." So true. We are both free and bound, simultaneously.
Kathryn E. Dec 15, 2008, 12:39am EST
Featured in the Triple Name Club.
Debra H. Dec 15, 2008, 2:14am EST
Excellent

Thanks for posting to The Outhouse Wall
Elsie Duggan Dec 15, 2008, 2:35am EST
wonderful writing Poddar, I think you have captured her feelings exactly.
Lisa Frost Dec 15, 2008, 10:47am EST
great emotion and imagery.
Candy S. Dec 15, 2008, 10:50am EST
very good.
Sophiya S. Dec 15, 2008, 10:58am EST
great
Pam S. Dec 15, 2008, 11:08am EST
very lovely and moving
Jane S. Dec 15, 2008, 11:10am EST
Some jobs are just so hard but there is no choice. They consume your life but they make it possible to maintain your life. And those long days are still broken up by the bits of joy and beauty the earth provides - if you allow yourself to enjoy them. Nice poem. First I have read of yours. Don't know if your English needs a bit more work or if that is the way you meant it to be. Gets the point across and that is what matters. Nice work.
Linda T. Dec 15, 2008, 11:29am EST
Wonderful! The dreariness of life can overwhelm us but allowing small bits of time to enjoy the pretty things in life makes it easier.
Sophiya S. Dec 15, 2008, 11:47am EST
kool
Bill's Spirit Dec 15, 2008, 12:16pm EST
Very Good !!

Great capture.

Kudos
BellaTwine 23 Dec 15, 2008, 12:21pm EST
This is beautiful.
Samantha G. Dec 15, 2008, 1:16pm EST
Beautiful. Well written.
Terry Collett Dec 15, 2008, 3:41pm EST
God bless you for such fine words and images.
Salma C. Dec 15, 2008, 3:54pm EST
Excellent.
Elizabeth H. Dec 15, 2008, 4:20pm EST
Very nicely done.
Brittany H. Dec 15, 2008, 5:21pm EST
love it
Sharon P. Dec 15, 2008, 6:57pm EST
That's great.
regina k. Dec 15, 2008, 7:01pm EST
beautiful, as are all your works!
Sherrie H. Dec 15, 2008, 7:16pm EST
Beautiful images, but it left me with a dismal feel.
Beth - Doing God's work Daily J. Dec 15, 2008, 7:27pm EST
Thanks for posting on Getting to 3000 Together. Helping others reach their goals.
JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Dec 15, 2008, 10:08pm EST
You breathed real life into this girl through your words. Wonderful write.
Georgiana S. Dec 15, 2008, 10:16pm EST
(:
William Dotani Dec 16, 2008, 1:50am EST
An edgy feeling heightened by stacatto riffs.
Freedom has become work in the factory and trying to survive the hell of home.
Svetlana Goryacheva Dec 16, 2008, 7:06am EST
Very well done! ;-)

Blessings and best wishes - S.
Sujata (funnily 'Suji' ) S. Dec 16, 2008, 11:43am EST
Oh What a stark description of

the subtle notches of the factory girl's life !!

Wow And Simply WOW !!!
Angela A. Dec 16, 2008, 1:55pm EST
This is simply marvelous, Poddar!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Chelle M. Dec 16, 2008, 3:59pm EST
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least five votes and over 8.0 average rating, and as such has been removed from Rating Resurrectionists! Congratulations!
Sandi S. Dec 16, 2008, 7:58pm EST
Whoa...those last few lines hit hard.
Thomas W. May 23, 2009, 4:14am EDT

i concur.
Sandi S. Dec 16, 2008, 7:58pm EST
Vivid imagery. Intense and beautiful.
Sandi S. Dec 16, 2008, 8:00pm EST
As I read the title I thought this would be a story of someone who did not want to toil away their day in a factory. But as I read these lines I feel that she finds her freedom there, her liberty, possibly away from the man in the final lines.


"Then hurry, she has to get in

before the siren cries. Bugle

of her day, of her liberty.

Akin to the pennon of her

independence the factory

rises. Another day. She and

works and women flocking inside

the shades."
blaine d. Dec 17, 2008, 9:27am EST
beautifully done!
Barbary Chaapel Dec 17, 2008, 7:38pm EST
Excellent, Poddar. This is one of my favorites of your poems.
Sheila Deeth Dec 17, 2008, 8:37pm EST
So sad. So evocative. I love this one.
Ms. Meacham: Money Maven Dec 19, 2008, 2:01pm EST
A thoughtful poem.
Michelle W. Dec 29, 2008, 4:35pm EST
well done ...

Thanks for posting in Journey Into Poetry !
Felicia R. Jan 14, 2009, 2:01pm EST
Hello :o),

I just wanted to stop by since I am finally going through what is now listed as under 4,000 pieces of gather new mail that is sitting in my inbox on here.

With that mentioned I just came across either a mailing from you yourself, or someone else brought this piece to my attention. You or they felt that your creation should be shared with the gather community, which I am very glad that it was passed on to me to view. So I wanted to say Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to publish it here on gather for us to all view. :o)

As well before I leave you I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year... in 2009 :o)
Karen G. Jan 16, 2009, 9:28pm EST
very nice Podar
Beth - Doing God's work Daily J. Jan 21, 2009, 11:05pm EST
very nicely written.
Thomas W. May 23, 2009, 4:14am EDT

what an unsettling conclusion.

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