by Linda T.
Member since:
January 4, 2007

Is romantic love the only way to define one's happiness?

September 23, 2009 12:46 AM EDT
views: 242 | comments: 63

     One of my Gather friends Dawn Kilby shared a quote that started a chain of thoughts running through my mind.  

 

“You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved.” ~Author unknown.

 

    Dawn  had set the words onto a picture of a couple kissing. If you visit her post it will help you to understand my thoughts. Upon first reading the quote I associated it with romantic love, partly because of the picture Dawn chose and partly because the word love always brings romantic love to my mind first.

     The application of this quote to romantic love is somewhat unsettling to me.   I do not believe a person needs to be in an intimate relationship to know true love. I agree that we all need love somewhere in our lives if we wish to fill fulfilled.  Love can come in many shapes and forms.  When we share ourselves with other people it can create a love that does bring true happiness. Think of the satisfaction that is felt when we help others. Consider the happiness we feel when we accomplish a task or goal we have set for ourselves.  Isn’t happiness defined differently by everyone?   Love can have many variations and definitions. 

     One reason it disturbs me when I associate this quote with romantic love is that it is painful to watch people fall into relationships simply because they feel it will complete them.  I believe a person should not seek out a love interest until they are capable of loving themselves. Can we expect others to truly love us if we are not happy with ourselves?   I have seen the pattern with my daughters and I know I have lived it myself.  When we end one relationship we rarely give ourselves time to heal.  We tend to feel that if we are alone we will be miserable.  Many of us are so fixated on the belief that true happiness stems from being in a relationship that we begin to choose partners for the mere sake of having a partner.  Clearly this is a system that is not working. Divorce courts are full of people who settled for Mr. or Ms Right Now.  The wrong kind of romantic partnership can make a person truly miserable. 

    I am not knocking romantic relationships.  I do feel they add a special quality to our lives.  When we are in love everything takes on a different hue.  The world seems brighter and the road less bumpy when we find the right person.  My feelings are that people should not define their happiness by limiting it to romantic love. 

 

link to this page
Bookmark this post:
Facebook
Twitter
Delicious
Buzz
More

Comments: 63

Ferosh (Site Translator for LOLSPEAK)is O. Sep 23, 2009, 12:59am EDT
The loneliest I have ever felt has been when I was in a bad relationship... I wasn't alone, but I was so lonely.... and there was always that feeling of a weight being lifted when those relationships ended, even though I convinced myself I just needed to be with the right person to fill that void. Truth is, the void comes when I delve into another excuse to not be by myself.... when I fall prey to the weakness of selfish desire, and 'settle' for what's available, which has ALWAYS proven to be more lonely and traumatic than being by myself....

Romantic love DOES exist, even if it's not a tangible romanticism.... and true LOVE starts with you as a person, Linda, you are so right.
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 1:48pm EDT
I'm with you on that ferosh. I've been in relationships and have been lonelier than I was when I wasn't in one. my last one, I felt dead.
Lisa Frost Sep 24, 2009, 4:52pm EDT
You said it so well Ferosh!! I feel the same
April H. Sep 28, 2009, 5:14pm EDT
I agree as well!
And it is very true that you need to love yourself before you can find someone who will love you AND make you happy. Until you love yourself you'll always be chasing shadows.
Lady of Lake Merritt =P Sep 23, 2009, 1:59am EDT
not for me, yeti is not romantic but full of love and hot air
Lisa Frost Sep 24, 2009, 4:53pm EDT
heres hoping the hot air all comes out the right end...LOL
Lady of Lake Merritt =P Sep 24, 2009, 5:02pm EDT
LOL!!!!
Ashley M. Sep 23, 2009, 2:27am EDT
I believe a person should not seek out a love interest until they are capable of loving themselves. Can we expect others to truly love us if we are not happy with ourselves?

Exactly. So many people never even become comfortable within themselves before they settle down with someone and try to be comfortable as a unit. Dating is one thing, but commitment requires two people, not 1-1/2.
TINA s. Sep 23, 2009, 3:25am EDT
a bit of romanticism wouldn't harm nobody
JOHN BECK Sep 23, 2009, 6:14am EDT
To me the operative word is truly. To me that separates it from purely romantic love.
Danielle P. Sep 23, 2009, 6:53am EDT
I agree. This is very insightful.
scott .. Sep 23, 2009, 8:00am EDT
Jesus !
Jeannie B. Sep 23, 2009, 3:56pm EDT
Are you recommending, or just cursing?
Like HE(Jesus) has any room to offer advice on healthy relationships. lol
scott .. Sep 23, 2009, 10:43pm EDT


Jeannie B. Sep 23, 2009, 3:56pm EDT
Are you recommending, or just cursing?



Recommending.
scott .. Sep 23, 2009, 10:43pm EDT


Ferosh ("Site Translator for LOLspeak") is O. Sep 23, 2009, 6:49pm EDT
Like HE(Jesus) has any room to offer advice on healthy relationships. lol



More than you know.
Linda T. Sep 23, 2009, 11:32pm EDT
I envy people who have a fulfilling relationship with Jesus. Mine is a work in progress. During some of my most turbulent times my belief in Jesus is what kept me strong.
scott .. Sep 26, 2009, 9:47am EDT
You will and are doing fine Linda and yes he is a rock ).
♥♥LoViNg♥LiFe♥ ♥♥ Oct 21, 2009, 10:28pm EDT
Very good advice Scott.
Linda we are all a work in progress. I gave my life to Jesus 13 years ago and I am still learning everyday. Your gonna do just fine.
Kushal Poddar Sep 23, 2009, 8:35am EDT
Relationship without love might be a habit forming one and with love distance matters less and there is an end of all the expectations.



rain and blood
David W. Sep 23, 2009, 9:34am EDT
Romantic love is neither the end all nor the answer to happiness. Love and lust are often confused. One may lead to happiness the other often to disaster. I have friiends who are single and happily so. My closest friend was married and has been divorced for many years. I do not know a person as relaxed and happy as he is.

I, on the other hand, am married for forty-five years and my love is as comfortable as an old slipper.

Happiness is a state of mind that is created by many things, love is but one of them.
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 1:49pm EDT
I agree with you david.
Nope.
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 1:53pm EDT
I agree. you don't have to be in a relationship with someone to find happiness and true love. you can find that just knowing someone and sharing the same interests and talents and what-not. you can have a spiritual, intellectual, true love with someone also. I've been in relationships as you know were abusive and I felt lonelier than I was when I was alone. I believe also, your soul mate doesn't have to be a lover. ppl commonly associate two ppl intellectually, spiritually, likemindedly talking and loving, that they are involved. I have felt love, intellectual compatibility and talents and what-not with ppl and have felt like a soul mate with them without being in a relationship. soul mates doesn't pertain to only lovers. it can be friends too.
Linda T. Sep 23, 2009, 6:58pm EDT
I also believe that a soul mate is not necessarily a lover. I also feel you can have many soul mates in life.
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 7:03pm EDT
I agree. I used to disagree with that. I had a soul mate once. you remember, lance? we had that bond that no one could touch. then, he died and a part of me died with him. yet, I feel there is plenty of me to go around. I found my soul mate now. although, it's relationship now. we've both called it that. with lance, we were just friends. lance was gay. I had one soul mate, died in 2006. lance. now, I have another soul mate indeed. I want this man to be my only soul mate for life. =)
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 1:58pm EDT
not offended at all my friend. I inspired you to write, that's my goal in life.
Jeannie B. Sep 23, 2009, 4:00pm EDT
I agree with the the quote, but don't agree that romantic love is necessary to happiness. Love comes in more than one variety. For example, I love my kids, but that isn't romantic love, is it?

I think the corrollary quote to this one would be "love is a verb". To truly love would be to understand, and acknowledge the fact that "it's not all about me". It can be really difficult to put into practice, but if one does so, it opens up a whole new world of joy.
Linda T. Sep 23, 2009, 6:57pm EDT
Not sure my point is clear. I don't think romantic love is necessary for happiness either. I think too many people believe that it is and that is what causes unhappiness and failed relationships.
libramoon C. Sep 23, 2009, 6:55pm EDT
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474977391355
loving meditation
I agree with all of you. Love is wonderful and fulfilling between friends, lovers, but it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love is something we all need, but (and I am married to my soul-mate and have also been married to people that I've felt awful just being in the same room with/abuse), but friends count too, as do our children, which is to me, unconditional love. There are many, many kinds of love and they all fulfill our lives.

Marilyn
Dawn (a kitty-kin on the wall) Sep 23, 2009, 10:09pm EDT
you're right marliyn
*LORA* M. Sep 23, 2009, 9:57pm EDT
I hope not
Dorothy H. Sep 24, 2009, 6:15am EDT
I understand what you're saying. There are many types of love. Always fulfilling some aspect of life.
Sandi S. Sep 24, 2009, 1:00pm EDT
I think we were created to love and be loved.

But, that said, not all love is the romantic kind... not every loving moment is worthy of The Young and The Restless. :)

(Not to knock Soap Operas, just using one as an example)
Lisa Frost Sep 24, 2009, 4:56pm EDT
You are right Linda. How can you know what is right for you, if you don't know you?
Vivian P. Sep 24, 2009, 5:10pm EDT
wouldn't insisting that only through romantic love can one be happy saying that you yourself can never happy being yourself. Happiness does not come from others it comes from within.
Oh and I do not believe in fairy tales love is earned it is not just given that's infatuation.
We are after all social animals
David N. Sep 26, 2009, 10:47pm EDT
~quote: you said~ "I believe a person should not seek out a love interest until they are capable of loving themselves. Can we expect others to truly love us if we are not happy with ourselves? " ~ end quote~
Linda...I have to disagree. I feel that I am incomplete and misserable until a passionate Dixie comes along and reveals to me my inner self, which...without her was lost. 27 1/2 years later. I am Glad she still loves me and I her. Still...I see my faults and think I could have been better...yet...I am what I am. I don't think I ever did or ever will love myself....I am expendable for the higher purpose that love promotes...
I would walk through the flames of hell for her....and I would not return until battle was wretched and bloody and oiver. I would challenge the devil to a dual for her affections....
I don't love myself for being human. We are beasts and our spirits can be really bad if the right one fails to come along and give us happiness and something to live for.
I would not want to sleep hugging a pillow and being content that aloneness or self love was bliss....I would have killed myself long ago.
=)
Nancy Biri Oct 2, 2009, 9:57am EDT
Very nicely written
anne ( way 2 crazy of a life ) c. Oct 2, 2009, 2:00pm EDT
very nicely written..
Renita P. Oct 2, 2009, 7:36pm EDT
I agree wholeheartedly. Too many people thing that finding that romantic relationship is gonig to make them happy instead of realizing that they need to be happy with who they are before they can be happy in a romantic relationship.
HH
joseph k. Oct 3, 2009, 7:13am EDT
nice hh
lena k. Oct 3, 2009, 8:23am EDT
nice hh
DIANE D. Oct 3, 2009, 6:53pm EDT
With love comes alot of heartbreak~
Marsha S. Oct 4, 2009, 7:04pm EDT
there is sure no romance with me and Steve..... :(
Hello
Elizabeth S. Oct 4, 2009, 9:49pm EDT
The joy that comes with romantic love usually doesn't last long without some unhappy times, too. Many people have the love-from-across-the-room definition that is bound to have problems.
My children complain because I'm always pointing out that the heroine would be better off with choice 2 instead of the hero. Frequently the media puts two incompatible people together because the audience is rooting for them. Such unrealistic expectations we foster.Better not get started there.

The truly happiest I've been in love has been for my children and platonic friends. I can honestly say I love some of the children I have in child care and have had some blissful times playing with them.
Linda T. Oct 4, 2009, 10:32pm EDT
When I was working as a preschool teacher so many people questioned why I chose that field since the pay was so poor. The love the children gave made up for the pay. It was a rewarding job.
Tara C. Oct 8, 2009, 11:23am EDT
I don't think they should base happiness solely on romantic interest. It should be overall. PIF
lena k. Oct 11, 2009, 9:04am EDT
very good pif
MrsRoad Runner Oct 11, 2009, 9:11am EDT
Very well put!
Love from Darlene! Oct 11, 2009, 11:59am EDT
Romantic Love has been part of my personal relationship with my husband of more than 25 years. I feel the Romance and Always share the LOVE.
HEIDI F. Oct 12, 2009, 9:51am EDT
But romantic love is not the only kind of love.
Jan S. Oct 13, 2009, 3:19am EDT
I agree. While romantic love is wonderful when it's right, there are so many other kinds of love - for friends, children and others. Best of all is God's unconditional and eternal love! pif
Elizabeth Ann R. Oct 13, 2009, 4:09am EDT
Romantic love is not absolutely necessary but, with the right person, love is wonderful and Jan is correct.
Stacey *Mamasaid* D. Oct 17, 2009, 9:37am EDT
There are so many kinds of love to give us fulfillment, not just romantic love. Great post. pif
Elizabeth Ann R. Oct 21, 2009, 4:39pm EDT
Absolutely.

HH
Lona Herling Oct 21, 2009, 5:32pm EDT
I never remarried when my hubby passed as I learned a lot in my marrage and didnt want to have to answer to any one othe than nyself and my Lord God
HH
Praj S. Oct 22, 2009, 10:11pm EDT
Great post
HH
so many thoughts that can come from so few wise words....
maybe I feel happy all of the time because I have experienced every level for true love and even, fortunate for me, all in one fantastic lady....
Nancy Biri Oct 23, 2009, 9:56am EDT
Here to help
Laura C. Oct 23, 2009, 7:39pm EDT
i've been very lucky in my life to have loved and been loved by some really amazing people, both romantic and NON romantic. All have helped me feel really loved, and make me see i'm loveable...I wouldn't trade any of them, and I don't value one over another.
Crystal T. Nov 23, 2009, 7:57pm EST
I really am loving reading your contents. I too feel the same way. I have loved and have been loved both romantically and non romantically and it has both enriched my life, but it has never in any way defined me.

~~pif
Love from Darlene! Dec 2, 2009, 3:58am EST
Being romantic is like being in Love!

Join the Conversation
Chime in! Become a Gather member to comment.
Already a member? Sign in
top
 
Gather | Friends | Groups | Share
About Gather | Engagement Marketing | Make New Friends | Gather Points | Advertise on Gather | Gather Press | Privacy | Terms of Service | Community Guidelines
Books | Celebs | Entertainment | Family | Food | Health | Moms | Money | News | Politics | Spirituality | Sports | Travel | Writing
Version 16961, "Pacino"; Copyright © 2009 Gather Inc. All rights reserved.