Ideas and children are best served by "constructive" criticism. Constructive (to build) helps to highlight what needs work and how to accomplish it. It encourages problem solving skills and shows one how to make progress.
Destructive criticism, on the other hand, by it's very definition is designed to destroy. It tears down ideas and self-esteem--impedes problem solving skills. Usually destructive criticism is designed to make the one giving it look better at the expense of another. In children, this is devastating.
True. If there really ARE INNOVATORS, CREATORS and WORLD-CHANGERS, they are right there in the minds of the Little Ones. They're amazing, aren't they, John.
If I don't get another opportunity, best of the season's greetings to you, and looking forward to a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your image makes it clear what you mean by saying "criticizing". We are awfully bad giving encouragement and honest feedback at once.
From the "Free Dictionary": Critique has been used as a verb meaning "to review or discuss critically" since the 18th century, but lately this usage has gained much wider currency, in part because the verb criticize, once neutral between praise and censure, is now mainly used in a negative sense. But this use of critique is still regarded by many as pretentious jargon, although resistance appears to be weakening. In our 1997 ballot, 41 percent of the Usage Panel rejected the sentence As mock inquisitors grill him, top aides take notes and critique the answers with the President afterward. Ten years earlier, 69 percent disapproved of this same sentence. Resistance is still high when a person is critiqued: 60 percent of the Usage Panel rejects its use in the sentence Students are taught how to do a business plan and then are critiqued on it. Thus, it may be preferable to avoid this word. There is no exact synonym, but in most contexts one can usually substitute go over, review, or analyze.·Note, however, that critique is widely accepted as a noun in a neutral context; 86 percent of the Panel approved of its use in the sentence The committee gave the report a thorough critique and found it both informed and intelligent.
Without the erudite discussion of Hajo, I agree that there's criticism and, as Beth points out, there is direction. Telling a kid that he or she is naughty or bad is a negative evaluation of the individual. Telling a kid that his or her action was naughty evaluated the action without degrading the perpetrator.
So true...I have seen so much of both sides of children developing over the years. You can tell a bull at school and know the treatment they get at home. More times than not they do what is done to them at home.
Just thought I'd add a note: Everything is a work in progress. Your friend who's just survived a divorce. Your kid's best friend, who's parents are fighting. Your mom or dad, dealing with perceived maturity and medicare. Me. I'm a work in progress, even though I'm no longer a child. You. You are all works in progress--otherwise, what is the point of continuing down the line? We're never "done." Hopefully. We're never finished. Not until the final exhale--even then, there may be something after to evolve to.
Exactly, Kathy. That's why the same principle applies. If a person does something wrong, the deed rather than the person should be criticized. However that just goes so far. If a child sneaks a cookie before dinner after being told not to, that's a naughty act but the kid isn't bad. In the adult world, unfortunately, some people do become bad people.
What works best with the children I coach, I find, is that I tell them what to do right and what to avoid and praise their improvement. One should never provide false praise because that destroys the value of any later sincere praise.
Worst is angry criticism. A tone of "what about so and so" is a much better way to point out problems with an idea and that should come only after some "that would help with such and such" and before a little "certainly that would be an improvement."
I grew up in the South and the women there are expected (my generation) to be good cooks, housekeepers, wives and mothers. Women in business or with a profession were not looked upon kindly as I was growing up and I, of course, chose to not marry, not have kids and not be without a job to support myself so I was asking for it at every turn. And, I got it. I am glad things are and have changed. Many fathers used to tell their daughters that if only one child could have a higher education it would be the male(s) who would go because the man needs to be the provider and a woman can get married and be supported by her husband. So, in a way, every female was criticized for not being ideal and most families were "ashamed" of women who were not marriageable and they usually went from male family member to male family member helping out the sisters-in-law raise the kids that they themselves never had but were supposed to help raise for the continuance of the family. I escaped this because my brothers were much younger but it was the ultimate "criticism" of womanhood in the Old South.
Hajo, thanks for the background on the perceptions of the word "criticizing." You are correct in my experience and in the "idea" business we have had to develop alternative expressions to avoid the negative baggage.
Fortunately, in Thought~Bytes one takes away what connections they make for themselves — regardless of the words I chose. :)
"Give encouragement and nourishment to the positives."
Agreed, Barney.
Negatives as such have little value.
In the "idea" business we change them into opportunities to resolve so "That's too expensive" would be changed to "How can we do that less expensively?"
With children, ironically, stating negatives also reinforces the very behavior you are trying to change.
Neeetah - Drop the -IF- There are innovators out there and kids are born with the curiosity to wonder about things that are not. The impeders among us are much more often successful in killing the curiosity (I don't know why) or punishing the innovators. It is better to stay silent or to attack the idea because if you never propose an idea you cannot be wrong, while the creative one risks being wrong and will be punished for it. The guidance for a curious thought should not be critical but should be developmental. "Let's take your idea or your thought and see where we can go with it."
Now this I love. My parents encouraged me in the majority of my life's choices. There are always a million reasons why something won't work Most of them are just jealousy.
"The guidance for a curious thought should not be critical but should be developmental. "Let's take your idea or your thought and see where we can go with it."
Good words, Bill.
Isn't it curious how much easier it is to kill a good idea than it is to come up with one?
How very true, John. Now that I think about it, that goes for people of all ages. Rather than harshly criticize someone, it's best to offer "suggestions for enhancement" in a positive way.
Ha! And my little works in progress are working me over tonight. :) It's a good night for an early bedtime. Of course, I like to tell them that just like our bodies grow at night when we're sleeping, so do our ideas. :)
Criticizing children is so destructive. Since little ones have no other source of information beyond their parents and other adults in their lives, they are likely to accept and believe the criticism of these adults. They'll grow up with poor self-esteem and make bad choices.
Ideas that are criticized early on will probably never be realized and the world may be the poorer for it.
I totally agree John! You can't tell your kids they are wrong. You show them the way to their true path in life. If you always criticize, you change who they are inside. You make them doubt their abilities. And, make them more of a robot. Your kids have to know that you love them, no matter what.
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But of course, both children and ideas need to be gently ushered toward reality, oops, I should have said, maturity.
Ideas and children are best served by "constructive" criticism. Constructive (to build) helps to highlight what needs work and how to accomplish it. It encourages problem solving skills and shows one how to make progress.
Destructive criticism, on the other hand, by it's very definition is designed to destroy. It tears down ideas and self-esteem--impedes problem solving skills. Usually destructive criticism is designed to make the one giving it look better at the expense of another. In children, this is devastating.
If I don't get another opportunity, best of the season's greetings to you, and looking forward to a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are awfully bad giving encouragement and honest feedback at once.
From the "Free Dictionary": Critique has been used as a verb meaning "to review or discuss critically" since the 18th century, but lately this usage has gained much wider currency, in part because the verb criticize, once neutral between praise and censure, is now mainly used in a negative sense. But this use of critique is still regarded by many as pretentious jargon, although resistance appears to be weakening. In our 1997 ballot, 41 percent of the Usage Panel rejected the sentence As mock inquisitors grill him, top aides take notes and critique the answers with the President afterward. Ten years earlier, 69 percent disapproved of this same sentence. Resistance is still high when a person is critiqued: 60 percent of the Usage Panel rejects its use in the sentence Students are taught how to do a business plan and then are critiqued on it. Thus, it may be preferable to avoid this word. There is no exact synonym, but in most contexts one can usually substitute go over, review, or analyze.·Note, however, that critique is widely accepted as a noun in a neutral context; 86 percent of the Panel approved of its use in the sentence The committee gave the report a thorough critique and found it both informed and intelligent.
Your friend who's just survived a divorce.
Your kid's best friend, who's parents are fighting.
Your mom or dad, dealing with perceived maturity and medicare.
Me. I'm a work in progress, even though I'm no longer a child.
You. You are all works in progress--otherwise, what is the point of continuing down the line?
We're never "done." Hopefully. We're never finished. Not until the final exhale--even then, there may be something after to evolve to.
Blessed be, John P.
Wilka
Worst is angry criticism. A tone of "what about so and so" is a much better way to point out problems with an idea and that should come only after some "that would help with such and such" and before a little "certainly that would be an improvement."
Give encouragement and nourishment to the positives.
And I heartily agree ... we are ALL works in progress, and our most violent critic is ... ... ourselves! We must be gentle with ourselves as well.
Great post!
Very true for ideas, Greg.
Thank you, Patrick.
(I will be tripping with the phrase "the most complicated idiots" all morning.)
Well said, Sia.
As you can tell from the finger, this is the destructive kind.
BTW, constructive criticism also includes what doesn't need work and carries with it implied approval.
Another aspect of this Byte, Beth.
Thanks.
Very true, Nee. They are uncontaminated with the old thinking.
And Happy Holidays to you.
Agreed, Linda. Well stated.
I'd be interested in your view, Emeniano.
Fortunately, in Thought~Bytes one takes away what connections they make for themselves — regardless of the words I chose. :)
It is a hard habit to get into, John, and important for parents to understand the difference between evaluating the action and the person.
A whole other aspect of this Byte, Karen.
Thanks for raising that side of this.
Thanks for broadening the perspective, Wilka.
Good point, Regina. Words carry more weight the earlier they come.
"
Good points, Larry.
The first step is to be aware of the potential impact of what you are saying. Then you can experiment with what works best for you.
It is a sad commentary on of historical values and those still alive and well in many cultures.
I'd love to hear any more you'd like to share, Bert.
Agreed, Barney.
Negatives as such have little value.
In the "idea" business we change them into opportunities to resolve so "That's too expensive" would be changed to "How can we do that less expensively?"
With children, ironically, stating negatives also reinforces the very behavior you are trying to change.
Robert, I'll take your word for it.
Excellent point, Michelle and yet another facet to this Byte.
How do you "criticize" yourself?
Can't live without what, Blaine?
It worked for me, occasionally.
Rest easy
Bravo ! John
Agreed, Haim. Criticizing should be positive and helpful.
This is about the other kind as indicated by the subtle finger in the drawing :)
Good words, Bill.
Isn't it curious how much easier it is to kill a good idea than it is to come up with one?
David w., I always used that as the proof that everyone is creative.
Whew!
That little bird is cute!
You do know, that they stop being your WIPs at some point. :)
Remember that the next time I make up a joke.
I like that positioning. Certainly better than "put your head under the covers and don't make a peep until 7 a.m. or the monster will get you." :)
Ideas that are criticized early on will probably never be realized and the world may be the poorer for it.
" . . . I don't want to know an eight year old that isn't a silly heart. . . . . "
"Oh and here's a quarter! Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face would ya."
The last line has nothing to do with the thought byte, I just enjoy reciting it. :~)
Definitely agree, Robert, and that's why it's worth it.
"Hard work" has a bad rap. It's not "hard" when you enjoy it or the results.
So true, Jan as well as the rest of your comment.
We once did an experiment where we videoed p[arents and kids intereacting over a week — from the kid's eye level.
Parents were shocked at how big and loud they were.
I'm convinced many parents don't appreciate how their behavior "plays out' in a child's eyes.
A great line, Lance. Thanks.
Uncle Buck was an intriguing character.
Your kids have to know that you love them, no matter what.
I like the "true path" part. Thanks.
how many kids you know who said "I wanna grow up and be a critic." ?? LOL !