by Lavonne W.

Member since:
January 30, 2008

How a man rests

March 02, 2008 06:30 PM EST (Updated: March 02, 2008 07:11 PM EST)

views: 39 | rating: 10/10 (8 votes) | comments: 12

and a ship sinks

funny
what goes through
the mind of a tired man
who drinks
Irish whiskey

as the evening glides
hour by hour
thinks about
how bad life can be
how good life is for him – for them
how she's a damn good cook
and a damn bad housekeeper

refills the ice trays
which reminds him
of the Titanic

you know
how the ship sank
chamber by chamber
filling with water

Tags: fiction, flash, lavonne westbrooks, verse, story, poem, thursdays writing essential, poetry, bio, short story, americans, free verse, journal, short verse, stories, writers nook, writing, biography

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Comments: 12

Kimberly Ripley Mar 2, 2008, 7:33pm EST

I love the analogy of the ice cube trays and the Titanic. Very clever writing!

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Norvona J. Mar 2, 2008, 8:40pm EST

Oh wow! This is good! I'm with Kimberly on the ice trays and Titanic....perfect analogy. You can just feel how he "see" his life, his marriage, everything.....filling up chamber by chamber.....and sinking....I really like this one....I'VE felt this way before!!!

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DIANE D. Mar 4, 2008, 10:56am EST

very well writen!

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Rebecca C. Mar 4, 2008, 5:46pm EST

Very well written! great job!

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Sheila Deeth Mar 5, 2008, 8:18pm EST

Neat

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Susan Budig Mar 10, 2008, 11:31am EDT

Very smart ending, Lavonne. It might add to the punch if you remove the line in the last stanza: you know.

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Susan Budig Mar 10, 2008, 11:36am EDT

And after a second (fourth, actually) reading, I absolutely am charmed by this poem. It's so succinct and uncluttered.

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John Harris Beck Mar 10, 2008, 1:44pm EDT

I remember years ago reading/hearing the advice that poetry may work best by indirection. This surely illustrates that, bouncing off three sides of the pool table before settling quietly into the pocket. Thanks to you and to Susan for pointing me here.

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Lynn Doiron May 17, 2008, 11:58am EDT

I might nix 'with water' and just end on 'filling' -- But what a great write, Lavonne, and where in hell was I when you posted it in March???

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JoAnne D. May 19, 2008, 8:24pm EDT

Cute, I like the analogy of the ice cubes.

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Austin Cushing May 20, 2008, 3:00am EDT

This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!

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