Floor full of shattered mind

second last line, sat should be sit I think... other than that minor issue, I like this a lot

You are switching tenses but I know it must be hard to write in a second language.

*I could die out to.... or * I could have died out to...

Choose a tense and try to stick with it. Also, is it on purpose that you leave connecting words out that could make your poetry easier to understand?

I love your thoughts...I love the way you try to say things in such a different and fresh way. Good poem.

Poddar - I think this is a wonderful metaphor and many of your phrases are strong. The sensation of "benumbed fingers" drawing away our consciousness is great and "flowers amid cold drops of water" brings to my mind a funereal scene. And the title phrase is really a great voicing of the feeling of being broken when left by a lover.

A few comments regarding your English. In line 4 do you mean to say "below," as in the opposite of above? Bellow is a loud, bull-like noise. I also think you may want to rethink the word "boredom." For me it seems to portray a lack of emotion, an indifference, whereas I think you are not wanting to say that.

If my comments are off the mark, ignore them. :-)

I really enjoyed reading this, Poddar - thank you for the connection.

This poem strikes me as being shattered itself...like shards of icy regret...surreal to say the least.

I love the tone and the emotion in this, Poddar....

I share the questions raised in comments, but much more I appreciate the sustaining skill and striking images. "Floor full of shattered mind" -- that is strong enough to be a poem by itself.

It seems you put your mind back together to write this, for which I'm happy

But, I chose to sit in a heap

On a floor full of shattered mind.


been there before as you know. know the feeling.