toe side heel side - Shotgun

Wrote this in twenty minutes, first day back from vacation, needing to just get the words flowing.

The trepidation of the steep fresh virgin white powder steals my breath.  I stare through my amber mask, bum thumb tucked inside my left mitten, SPF lip balm protecting my dry lips, and my snowboard squeaking under my feet as it creeps forward, more anxious than I am.

Sun shimmers through the dry puffy clouds.  Tips of tall trees sway in the wind, waving to me like laughing elders, calling, "You can do it.  You can do anything you want to."

What do they know.

I remind my lungs to expand and take in the thin oxygen, fresh from the morning Snow Ghosts.  Remember, in then out, in and out, nice and easy, get the rhythm, that's a girl.

My right foot pushes forward, toe side first, more comfortable on my toe side, and then, like my first meditation, I tell myself to sit back.  I ride on my heel side, allowing my body weight to sink into my board, my arms to hand loose, like a guy on a skateboard, coasting.  I envision a guy, some guy I don't know, wearing a horizontally striped shirt, rolling down a sidewalk with a drippy ice cream cone in his hand, no, his hands are in his pockets on baggy loose jeans, and he cares only for the air in his hair and sound of the sweet new ball bearings he bought with his allowance.

My head coaxes me out of the daydream to steer my body onto my toe side again, feel the toes extend inside my warm cushy boots, feel the backs on my calves stretch while my chins flex, thin muscles once forgotten.  I hear so little.  A soft flirtatious breeze whirls around the back of my neck and across my cheeks.  I breathe and lean back on my heel side. Remember, in then out, in and out, nice and easy, get the rhythm, that's a girl.

I am not a young tall lanky boy wearing clothes six sizes too big and surfing pavement downtown.  I take another breath, seeing much more mountain ahead of me, and I take the time to search inside myself for an identity I lost while back.

Toe side, I carve forward, down, across.
Heel side, I check my speed, I sit back, I breathe.
Toe side, I pick up the speed and I align my shoulders with my path.
Heel side, I tuck my butt in over my board, check my hips, roll my shoulders.
Toe side, I find my ambition, crave the motion, suck winter into my blushing chest.
Heel side, I exhale through pursed lips, carve up a hill and down on...
Toe side, confidence growing like a virus in my gut.
Heel side, my thighs warm and humming.
Toe side, my heart thumping the tempo.
Heel side, I hold my breath.
Toe side, my voice sneaks out of my mouth, "Breathe, Laura, breathe."
Heel side, I sit back, bring back the rhythm, and coast along a catwalk to the next section.
Toe side, I smile.

Copyright 2008 Laura Beck Nielsen