Where is the power?
Words fall short before a rising sun.
They are nothing to the gust of rays,
Giddy they lower their heads
On the green grass.
That squanders the gathers of dews.
At the fall of the words, the birds fly
Amid a sky that even does not look at the words.
Then why?
Then why?
Then why they hurt the heart?
Where their power lies?
The boy never understands,
Only a splash of red spreads upon life.
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Comments: 14
Good poetic work here, Poddar. Poetry that makes one think and become introspective is one of the aims of the poetic community.
Blessings,
Rene A.
Peace,
I don't think you need the word "even"
Lovely poem.
Since you posted this to Friday Writing Essentials where critique is sought, here's my two-cents worth...
That squanders the gathers of dews. <---"gathers of dews" does not make sense to me. Did you mean a collection, a numerical measurement of dew? You need a better word than gathers, I think.
At the fall of the words, the birds fly <--- I like the imagery ... removing the second "the" makes for a smoother line.
Amid a sky that even does not look at the words. <--- I agree with Jan, "even" is unnecessary here.
Then why?
Then why? <--- The repetition seems redundant since the question is repeated on the next line
Then why they hurt the heart? <--- I recommend inserting "do" between why and they
Where their power lies? <--- Where do their power lie?
Hoping to see more of your work!
And I think Where their power lies? needs attention. Either Where do their powers lie? or Where does their power lie?