An Idiot's Guide to Hiring a Hitman.

Dear Fellow Gather Readers,

Lately, I've been reading stories on the Internet which lead me to believe that I wrote the wrong book.  Silly me.  Here I am spending all my time writing a romantic comedy, when I should've written an Idiot's Guide to Hiring a Hitman… 

IDIOT GUIDE LESSON # 1 

Please refrain from posting your hitman ad on Craigslist, Match.com, eBay, or any other website where the FBI might take interest.  This sounds obvious, right?  Well, apparently, not to everyone…       

 
Hitman Allegedly Sought in Craigslist Ad

A Michigan woman was arrested in January in a murder-for-hire scheme where she posted an ad on Craigslist for a "freelance job."  Ann Linscott's true intention was to kill the wife of a man with whom she'd been having an affair.  Linscott offered $5,000 for the hit, and provided the name, work address, and physical description of the woman she wanted dead.  In her Craigslist emails, she described successful candidates as "silent assassins," and said she would pay upon completion of the "eradication task."    

Guess what?  This woman is not alone.  Across the globe, women everywhere have failed to read my Idiot's Guide to Hiring a Hitman.

IDIOT GUIDE LESSON #2

Stop asking your neighbor if they know of any 'muscle-for-hire.'  Trust me.  Your neighbor is as clueless as you are.  

Housewife Found Guilty of Attempted Murder in England

            Last week, Kate Knight was found guilty of attempted murder after slipping anti-freeze into her husband's wedding anniversary curry.   Mrs. Knight had asked her neighbor to "sniff the curry," to see whether she could detect anti-freeze.   And prior to this, Mrs. Knight had asked the same neighbor if she knew of any local contract killers for hire.

If only Mrs. Knight had read my Idiot's Guide.  Oh well, I can't save everyone from shame, embarrassment, and incarceration.       

IDIOT GUIDE LESSON #3

Ladies, please. 

Please stop trying to hire hitmen.  You are taking them away from their real calling in life – i.e., chasing their dream of becoming nightclub bouncers in Vegas.   

P.S.  If you've ever been approached by a friend or neighbor in want of a hitman, please share your stories here on Gather

Sincerely,

Jo Barrett

Author, THIS IS HOW IT HAPPENED (not a love story)

Click here to buy the book.