A prominent Dallas attorney recently said to me, "You know, you wouldn't have even talked to me in high school." I had two reactions to his comment. First, I thought he was wrong, because of course I would have talked to him in high school. Second, I thought how strange and sad it was that such an accomplished attorney would still be affected by how he was treated in high school. No matter how far he has come in his life, part of him is still stuck back there.
It reminded me of the story about the elephants of Thailand. The Thai elephants are used for their strength as well as for transportation, and they are rarely ever kept in cages. The massive elephants never run away or try to escape, even though their only restraint is a small chain on one leg that they could break easily. So, why don't the elephants break free? Because they have been conditioned to believe they can't. When the elephants are young, they are chained to a stake when they can barely walk. Every time the baby elephant tries to take a step, it learns it can't go very far because of the chain. Eventually, the elephant gives up trying, and it is at that point that the trainers know they don't have to worry about the elephant trying to escape anymore. The largest animal on earth is taught to believe it is stuck by a simple chain.
Everyday, I meet people who feel stuck in their current circumstances, unable to get out of bad situations and away from bad people. Like the elephants of Thailand, they have been conditioned to believe things will never be any different for them, that they somehow deserve what they are going through, and that they are unable to advance in their lives.
What would it take for people to break free and to no longer feel stuck? What steps do they need to take? What education do they need? What job would it take? Who do they need to meet? What has to happen?
My novel, GOOD MAN HUNTING, was born out of my desire to try and make a difference for those people who feel stuck. In my book, the main character, Sandra, works as an assistant manager of a pizza delivery 60 hours per week, with people she doesn't like and who don't like her, living paycheck-to-paycheck, with little education, and with no hope for things to change. She's never had a serious boyfriend–or even a non-serious one. And she feels invisible.
For Sandra, it is when she meets the ladies of the Hunt Club that her life is changed forever. However, the changes that occur for Sandra are not because of what the women do for her. The changes occur because she is forced out of her comfort zone to realize what is really important in life. My hope is that people will read GOOD MAN HUNTING and realize the same thing for their lives. I also hope it inspires readers who may know of someone in a similar situation.
What can we do to inspire the people around us to become unstuck and to reach their full potential in life?
Gives a new meaning to "shotgun wedding". Good Man Hunting is a featured book in Fiction Readers, a group to discuss contemporary women's fiction, books, women's issues and much more. Click here to join the group.
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ATTENTION Texas readers! The GOOD MAN HUNTING Texas book tour is currently underway! Please click here for dates, times, and locations. I look forward to meeting you!
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Comments: 23
With some amount of time in between, I'm now dating a woman who has kids. In 12 years of divorce, she is the first woman I've seriously dated who had kids. And her patience from raising kids is in stark contrast to the previous women that I had dated.
Good post
Blessings ~
Rene A.
Steve, I agree with you about how high school shouldn't be what creates such an impact on our lives. I definitely think having children would be far more influential. It sounds like you are dating a wonderful woman!
Thanks, Rene, for your comment, and blessings to you!
Charli, the question is...how do we help people we meet everyday to open their eyes to that inspiration and resulting change?
What an awesome article! You addressed some very valid issues here. I think it's great what you are trying to accomplish here... Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this very important issue. Getting out of our comfort zone speaks very loud and clear for me... If you don't mind my saying so, it reminds me of myself many years ago. I felt stuck, and I was absolutely miserable! However, once I found the courage to move on, it allowed me to become more acquainted with who I was and what was going to make me happy. I welcomed the challenges ahead of me no matter how difficult they were... While living on my own I gained self- confidence. After that I was well on my own. And I never intended on getting stuck ever again!
So if a young person, for instance, was to ever ask what it takes to do that I would suggest 1. Getting to know themselves on their own terms. For starters, I would suggest that they ask themselves, "What do I want to do with my life? What is it going to take to help them attain happiness"? 2. Set goals for themselves according to their interests, whether it be finishing High School, then go on to College, building a career for themselves, relationships (platonic and or intimate), moving out on their own, etc. I would suggest that they steer away from uncharismatic people... people who are going nowhere and don't intend to! 3. Map everything out. In my instance, I was a drop out... And I wanted to move out and go to another state. At the time I was considering Job Corp... That's when my my brother and sister-in-law offered to help me out. Once I moved down there where they were living at the time I went back to High School and got my High School Diploma. Then I decided to work on my career. Once I got the training I needed to do the kind of work I wanted to do I landed my first official job as a Certified Nursing Assistant. 4. Last but not least, I would suggest that they continue to build on their confidence. In doing so, steer clear of negative and unhappy people! Hanging around positive, happy and lucky people who at least try to make the best of life, versus someone who is negative and unhappy, will aid them the kind of help they need to succeed at accomplishing their goals... I hope that I didn't bore you! LOL Have a great weekend! :)
I often think that "being unstuck" comes because of adversity or sudden changes in life (the new baby, job, divorce, death of a parent, moving to a new town....whatever).
Of course, hardship and sudden change can make one become fearful and "stuck" too. But when trouble comes, whether it is a divorce or illness or accident or war, people are often forced to get out of their comfort zones and learn some survival skills.
It can hurt like h_ll. It isn't comfortable. Depression, inertia and heartbreak can be the price paid to get to a better place in the long run. I don't have it figured out, not by a long shot. But I have to say that I have never gotten anywhere without going through trouble first. For me, writing about my troubles in a humorous way helps free me and get me through adversity. I try not to be too inhibited and just take my chances when I write about my experiences. So far, so good.
Now I am a published writer, seminar leader and produced playwright. For me all it took was being willing to risk dreaming again. Well, and some hard work.
Cheryl B, you hit the nail on the head--several times! Your points are excellent!
Clare, my heart goes out to your mother! People like her influenced me to write the book in the first place. I wish you both all the best!
Barbara, thanks for your comment, and I love your icon!! How adorable!
J. Corn--they say that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Writing about your problems in a humorous way sounds like a great way to work through things! I'll have to try it!
Trish, wow, you've been through a lot! Dreams are so important; people need to remember that when one dream is over, there are plenty more to come.
Kathryn, yes! You are so right--helping others does help us become unstuck!
Priscilla, if you get the book, please let me know what you think!
Cathy, it would be great to meet you at the Dallas event! It's next Saturday (March 1) at 2:00 at the Borders in the Old Town Shopping Center (the south end of the shopping center). The store has a Greenville Ave. address, but it faces Lovers Lane. I hope to see you there!
I think many people share Sandra's situation. Being open and ready for new ideas keeps us from getting or staying stuck. Sometimes we find opportunities and sometimes we make them happen for ourselves and others. This book sounds wonderful!
susy
Book Review: Generation Ageless 2 - A Personal Viewpoint
Book Review: Generation Ageless 1 - Overview
I got unstuck...only after early retirement!
Was it scary? You better believe it; Do I get anxious from time to time about the choices I made? Of course; Was it worth it? Beyond any doubt!
If I could break free, with child in tow, anyone can! I say to them: Decide to live today; choose life; right now is all you have; do not put off until tomorrow because there will never be a tomorrow; all we can count on having is TODAY ~ so make the most of it right now ~ don't let any more time get away!
Susy, I wish you all the best with your situation. I wonder how many people on Gather are actually feeling stuck at this moment?