Final 3 Hours: The Passing of A Dear Friend

I needed to find a speedy way to somehow immortalize the passing of a man who is one of the cornerstones of my being. Today I was blessed to speak to my dear friend at length before he crossed over.

 His name is Josh, a dear young soul of 42. We met eight years ago at a New Age conference. I was at an booth picking out crystals and amethyst to purchase. He sidled alog beside me and introduced himself. I did not look up. I merely said hello. New Agers are pretty friendly and I was a bit drained from all the handshakes and hellos and just felt like looking down and shopping. He then said to me, " Didn't we know each other in a past life?"
I laughed thinking oh jeez what a corny pick up line. Josh however was serious.

 He knew I thought he wasn't. He stood there for a few minutes trying to explain to me this past life regression he had a few months ago and that he had seen a woman like me as his sister. When he started using the words past life and regression, it was karmic that in my bag I was carrying an Edgar Cayce book on "Past Lives", that I just started reading.

 I finally looked up at him and looked in his eyes. I will never forget the pause I felt inside me, I don't know what it was exactly, but there was something in his eyes where I felt connected to him. I had made the decision to stand there and finish hearing him ramble.
That day began a very dear and wonderful friendship. We read books together, went to lectures, spent hours talking on the phone every day. He was my 4:30 am buddy.
He would ring me anytime, but mostly at 4:30 and we would talk until breakfast. 

 Two years into our knowing each other, Josh met a woman named Dahna. When he introduced her to me I really did not like her. I told him that politely and he would debate with me as to what was wrong with "me" for not liking her. I had no reason, it certainly was not jealousy. I just got a bad unexplainable vibe.  Josh and Dahna went away on a romantic weekend to Mexico and they stayed locked up in their hotel room the whole time.
Not to be graphic, but this lends to the consequences of his actions, he joked with me about going through 2 boxes of condoms and when they ran out they had unprotected intercourse.

  A year later, Josh was constantly getting very sick. He finally caved and went to the doctor and found out he was HIV positive. We cried together and prayed together. After he came to terms with his diagnosis he decided that he would live his life in a manner in which he would be a giver and a peacemaker. He would travel and take care of people with his affliction since typically no one wanted to really be bothered with HIV patients unless it were family, understanding friends, or other well HIV patients.

 He went back to school to become a nurses aid and he traveled to Africa, India and also did Hospice work in Illinois.  The more he helped people , the more he would express feeling rewarded.

 Josh and I had a special words that we would say to each other. We were not friends, we were not family , we were " of each others souls". He would call me and say
" Hey my soul !" or I would be introduced as the " other half of his soul".

 6 months ago, he quickly deteriorated and was admitted into hospice. My phone rang at 4:30 am and he said to me  , " Soul, I need to see you before I move on." I quickly rushed to him, for I knew it was the " call".

 When I entered his room all of the things I wanted to say to him rushed inside my head.
I sat on his bed and cradled him in my arms like my very own child. I stroked his hair and we talked. He remined me about the Oprah episode, where Elizabeth Kubler- Ross, promised that she would show Oprah a sign on life after death by coming back in spirit and pinching her on the bum. He then asked me,
" Do you want me to come back in spirit and pinch you ?". I laughed a crying laugh.
 Josh then pressed, " Think about it, what do you want me to do to show you that there is life afterwards? "
 I couldn't answer because I was not ready to let go of him.
He then said, " I know what I will do, whenever I come to visit you, for you to know I am there, I will leave you a note."
 I looked at him, " A note, what are you going to say on this note ?"
 He responded, " I don't know how much power I will have, but I will leave enough to let you know I was there."

 When then shifted our conversation to reminiscing about good times and about how we met. He then said, " When I come back again, I would like to be your son."  I said, " Josh, I would hope you wouldn't wish that upon yourself, I am not sure if I would be the best person for the job being disorganized and all. " He said, " I would want to come back and be your son, because when you are old,  I would want to take care of you."
My tears flowed and I could not stop crying. I reminded him of what an excellent job he did in this world loving and caring for others. I told him that I would prefer if he waited for me at the pearly gates and put in a good word for me to be let in.

 We told each other how much we loved each other and that even death could not come between the synergy we feel. He then made me promise him two things.

1) That each day I would live my life to be and share happiness with others.
     To be happy instead of being right.

2) That I would not mourn his passing and everytime I thought of him to go and so something that I knew he would be proud of.

 As he drew his final breath, he looked at me and said, " This is not goodbye."
When his spirit left him, his vessel laid in my arms. For the first time, I witnessed a sense of surging peace. In that moment I looked upon him and gently closed his eyes. His eyes opened, for a second I thought he may have come back again, but it wasn't so. I whispered to him, "we need to close these now." I attempted to close his eyes again and they would not close.  I called for the nurse to come in and she could not get his eyes closed. He had no vital signs. I then looked at him and said,
" What do you have left to do ?"  I saw a tear run down from his right eye and his eyes then closed.

 I was then escorted out of the room and in to see the social worker, where we wrapped up his final wishes. As I stood to leave she handed me an envelope and said, " He left this and told me to give it to you when he...." .

 I walked out to my car and started it. As I waited for it to warm up, I tore open the
envelope and pulled out a letter. I was expecting to find a long letter of final lessons and thoughts. Instead it read:

" Dear My Soul,
I found a way to give you my first note.
Hello Again ! "

Whenever a loved one passes, I often ponder the impact they had on my life.

Josh instilled in me the idea that you can help one person at a time.
By making a difference in their life it will help them make a difference in the lives of others.

God gave us such a brief time to be together. I am very fortunate in this world of vast population to have found and known him in this lifetime.