Some Jokes for today!

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this without a a magnifying glass, come back and see me.

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Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500."

"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000!"

"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $650,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000, OK?"

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"

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Two elderly women were out for a Sunday drive in a large car and both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we
just went through a red light".

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red
again, and again they went right through.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they
went right through, and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did
you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
us!"

Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"

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A neighbor was watching a little boy playing with a ball and bat in his backyard. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world" the boy exclaimed as he threw the ball into the air. He swung with all his might but missed the ball and fell down himself. "Strike One" he says as he gets up. He throws it up again and swings. Again the ball falls to the ground with a thud. "Strike Two" he yells still undeterred. "I'm the greatest" he says as he swings once again hitting only air as the ball falls to the ground. This time he dances around the backyard as he yells "Strike Three.... I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"