Using my amazing abilities to warp the time-space continuum (and proving once again I have too much free time on my hands) I created an alternate universe in which the current political campaign is just a D & D campaign. How would our Barrack, Joe, John, and Sarah fair trying to complete quests as a team? Would they be able to co-exist long enough to defeat their adversary? America is the GM for what may be the most important campaign since Ed Greenwood launched the Forgotten Realms (or not...)
We take you now to the game table, where Barack, Joe, and our GM wait for John to show up.
America: Hey, Joe, welcome to the campaign. I was a little worried when Hillary left the group, but I'm glad Barack convinced you to join us.
Joe Biden: No problem. You know, John McCain and I have been playing this games for a long time, since the old Red Box days, you know.
America: Oh, you played First Edition?
Joe Biden: Oh, no, I mean Vietnam. Fighting the communists and all.
America: Wait, you didn't actually fight in Vietnam.
Joe Biden: Well, no. I was never really into LARP. I prefer pen and paper stuff.
Barack Obama: I would just like to say, America, that just because he does not LARP, that does NOT make him any less committed to gaming. Joe Biden is just as committed to this wonderful game of ours as any other gamer, and I am proud to have him in this campaign. Furthermore...
America: OK, Barrack, we get it. You guys want some more chips?
John McCain: Hey guys! Guess what? I recruited a brand new gamer!
Barack Obama: Well, that is astounding, John. Congratulations. I know I speak for America when I say it will be a pleasure to welcome a new gamer to our wonderful and invigorating campaign. And also...
Joe Biden: I think what Barrack is trying to say is, "Cool, dude."
John McCain: Oh, oh, oh..and GUESS WHAT? IT'S A GIRL! I brought A GIRL to the game to replace Hillary. Isn't that cool?
Joe Biden: Well, it's always nice to welcome new women to the game.
Sarah Palin: Howdy, y'all.
John McCain: She's a GIRL. Oooo, chips.
America: Well, Sarah, welcome. I don't believe we've met. Do you have any gaming experience.
John McCain: She's got plenty of experience. Why, she plays Monopoly with her five kids. If she can play Monopoly with five kids, she can play D&D.
Barack Obama: Well, I hate to have to disagree with you, John, but I fail to follow the logic of implying that a simple board game like Monopoly, which is really nothing more than moving a little figure around a small board, has any bearing on the multifaceted dynamic of social interaction and planning found in a roleplaying game of the complexity of D&D.
Sarah Palin: Boy, you sure do use a lot of $10 words, don'tcha?
Joe Biden: Wait, did you just call him BOY?
America: WHOA! I don't think that is what she meant. Let's just move on. Anyway, I'm not sure how much John told you. The basic premise is that the party is trying to save the country from an evil overlord named EXXONICUS MOBILI that has made everyone addicted to this strange black fluid. The people just can't seem to live without this substance, and the party is trying to get to the bottom of it. John has been playing a Fighter. Did you make a character?
Sarah Palin: I sure did! I make a cleric. My domains are Protection and War.
America: Nice choices, there. And believe me, with the beatings these guys have taken over the course of the campaign, they really do need a cleric with some healing spells.
Sarah Palin: Healing spells? Was I supposed to memorize healing spells?
America: Well, I know John told you were are running a good-aligned campaign, so since your PC is good-aligned you can spontaneously cast healing spells if you don't have them memorized. No big deal.
Sarah Palin: Good-aligned? Oh, yeah...well, OF COURSE I'm good aligned! How can I not be good aligned? I'm just an innocent soccer mom with five kids. Nope, no evil intentions here at all!
America: Well, anyway, Joe here rolled a rogue. And...
Sarah Palin: What, you mean he's a thief?
Joe Biden: No, I'm a rogue.
Sarah Palin: But is that allowed in this game?
Joe Biden: Yeah, actually, it's a pretty popular class for this particular campaign setting.
Sarah Palin: Oh, what is the campaign setting?
America: Washington.
Sarah Palin: oh.
John McCain: See? She's a quick study. She'll fit right in! Oh, and she's a GIRL!
America: Yeah, John, we noticed that. Anyway, Sarah, Barrack is playing a bard.
Sarah Palin: A Bard? Oh, this is 3.5?
America: Yeah, why?
Sarah Palin: I heard they got rid of the bard in 4th edition because it was USELESS.
Barack Obama: Now let me try to articulate the value a bard brings to a campaign. As much as I respect Wizards of the Coast, and as much as Wizards of the Coast has done to help build up this game that we all love, I disagree with the assertion that the bard brings no inherent value to a campaign. A bard is a versatile character. A bard can call upon something greater than himself to inspire those around him to achieve great things. A bard can use his own inner strength and conviction to access a limited, but highly utilitarian collection of arcane spells. A bard can even reach deep down into his soul and call forth divine help, bringing healing to his allies. To say that the bard is useless is to completely disregard everything the bard has to offer. And I assure you...
Joe Biden: I always thought it was a good class. But a lot of people that play the Washington campaign setting wanted to focus on combat.
America: *sigh* Anyway, at the end of the last session, Barrack had convinced the 200,000 Garmen people in the city of Burlan to rally behind the party to help fight the overlord.
John McCain: Yeah, well, he wouldn't have been able to do that without his Heward's Teleprompter of Enhanced Eloquence. It grants him a +20 to his performance checks.
Joe Biden: Does it matter? Isn't that the point of magical items? To help succeed.
John McCain: I just don't think it's fair. My character was a POW for 5 years and I didn't get any epic magic items.
America: That's because you didn't actually defeat the enemy and loot them, John. They just decided to let you go. You don't get XP or loot for that. And besides, not long after than your character married Princess Cindi of the Kingdom of Beere. It's not like you don't have enough gold to buy your own items.
John McCain: Whatever. Is there more soda in the fridge?
America: Yeah, go ahead. Anyway, Sarah, so one of the Garmen people alerted the party to the location of the overlord's hideout, and the party is trying to infiltrate it now. So is everyone up to speed?
Sarah Palin: Yep!
Joe Biden: Yea.
John McCain: Yeah...oh, hey, you want me to bring this apple pie out for everyone?
America: Sure, John. Barrack, you set?
Barack Obama: Well, I have to say that I am looking forward to continuing this incredible journey that...
America: Yes or no, Barrack.
Barack Obama: Present.
Tune in later to see how the campaign continues...
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Comments: 38 ( 3 removed by Julie Ann Dawson )
Pure awesome. I could get used to political articles like this on Gather :0)
I can't wait to see what they do first heh
"I think the gamers who get it are too busy laughing, and everyone else is confused."
I totally agree. :)
Been a gamer grrl since 1980 when I was in high school!
My honey of 22 years and I (met at Archon-St Louis in 1986) will be going to a tiny con this weekend as sort of a cheap weekend away from the kids!
My D&D friends are getting this link!
And MJ W. is right about the political schooling of White Wolf LARPers and table-top players, not to mention the VTES crowd. Those who move into the "real-world" political arena will definitely be a force to be reckoned with.
Let's just hope they did NOT get rid of the Bard in the 4th Edition. The particular Bard is this scenario not useless. Oh no! LOL.
Thanks, Julie!
I found the link to your article through the email that went to Gather members, which someone else commented on earlier.
I was delighted to discover such a lighthearted piece to read on this subject. It's clever and intelligent, and it really made me smile. Like others, I shared it with my off-Gather friends.
While I do know lots of D&D fans, I've never played myself. So one of the things I found most impressive about your writing is how you were able to clearly demonstrate your esoteric knowledge of D&D, without confusing those of us who have no experience with the game, or making us feel dumb or excluded.
You could have made this so much more complicated; instead, you used a relatively obscure metaphor to write about a complex subject in a clear, straightforward, and inclusive way.
That's not easy, Julie! My hat is off. Can't wait to read lots more of you out here.