Seven years too long.

My step mom Pat came into my life in a not so great way.  Her and my Dad had an affair on their spouses.  They wound up together for 20 years until her young death at the age of 53 in 2001.  When we met I was so put off. She was so touchy feely and loving and I was from such a standoffish home.  I didn't like to be touched and she would never let go.  My sister and I were the girls she never had and always wanted.  She had 3 boys.  We didn't like her instantly, she was not what we were used to.  All pushy and gushy and affectionate.  On my part it was instant hate, but then again I was only 12 and she broke up(in my mind at the time) my parents second marriage to each other. 

Over the years I came to see that she truly loved my Dad and in turn, almost by default, she loved my sister and I.  The more she pushed the more I pulled away.  It was my nature.  I wanted to fade into the background as I always did and she wanted to love me out loud.  As I grew I saw how she stuck up for me with my Dad and in various family situations.  She saw how much I cared but how well I hid it with my indifference.  She was the the only one that saw through to the real me.  Maybe it was because I was more like my Dad than anyone recognized.

One day when I was older she told me that I needed to quit putting my feelings in the closet and stop shutting the door.  She also said that one day the closet would not shut.  How right she was.  I learned the hard way that when the feelings all come out at once it can wreck havoc. 

Four months before 9/11/2001 I lost my biggest cheerleader in life to breast cancer.  Well, it started as breast cancer and even if goes into remission and comes back someplace else they still consider it breast cancer. 

All I can say is I miss her so much and wish she were here to continue with her love and support.
Happy Mother's Day Pat and I miss your neverending love and support!!