Come In.........Do I Have To ...........part 1

I was a Funeral Insurance Salesman and just when I had seen it all I was proven wrong. It was another of those endlessly boring beautiful sunny days in Central California. I had one of my rare no sales day. I had gone zero for five and was pretty grumpy. I needed a laugh. I had no idea how much of laugh I was about to get.

I had a card to give a quote on a 92 year old woman. She was how old again? It must be a mistake. I had talked to her husband over the telephone and he sounded young. The numbers had to be transposed. I am sure the card meant 29 years old. The thing is I couldn't even sell a policy to a 92 year old. We stopped at 88.

Since I didn't figure I was going to make any money on this sales call I was going to have fun with the call. I was about to experience fun that bordered on the absurd. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. A man answered the door. He shook my hand and introduced himself as Calvin. I said "My name is Calvin too, you must be good man." To this day I regret saying that, as Calvin wasn't all that good.

As I entered in to the living room a Miniature Collie about knee high came running and barking as if he were a big dog. He showed his teeth in an unfriendly way and appeared to be focusing on an area of my anatomy that should he sink his teeth in to, might make it difficult for me to walk, to say nothing about creating a family. My relief was almost enough to make me sink to my knees ,as the dog attacked Calvin's pant leg below his knee. The dog growled and barked and bit his pant leg, tearing it to shreds. The dog was only able to get at his pant leg because Calvin lifted his leg when he saw the dog coming. Calvin yelled at the dog "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE MONSTER." Calvin's shoe came off and the little dog went to work on destroying his shoe. I got the distinct impression the dog wasn't overly fond of Calvin. That dog was focused on his mission like few dogs ever were. He was Bill Gates focused!.

Calvin told me that he and his 92 year old wife just got married and that he did not want to pay very much for her funeral. I told him that my company did not insure anyone that old. I then asked him his age. He said "29." I told him that we should insure him. He let me know he wasn't interested in getting himself insurance. He asked if we couldn't fill out an application for his wife anyway just in case your company changes it's mind on the age limit. I replied "You mean just in case everyone in my company takes leave of their sense and will insure anyone." He said " the way you say it makes this sound ridiculous." I had time and hadn't had an application turned down in a long while so I said "Oh lets have some fun . We'll fill out the application and see where it goes.'

I wanted to know if he was real so I made up some extra questions. I asked him what he did for a living. He told me he was a breakfast chef. I was impressed thinking that he worked at one of the expensive hotels. I asked him where he worked. He popped the bubble by replying "Denny's, I work the Midnight to eight shift. I laughed told him he wasn't a chef he was a short order cook. He took offence to this for some reason. He held up a potato and told me that he could turn that lone potato into hashbowns. I said "Wow you are a regular magician.

I really was thinking this guy was a real jerk until I asked him how he had met his wife. He told me she was in a nursing home and he worked there as a cook. He told me I wouldn't believe it but was love at first sight. As soon as their eyes met they fell in love. At that moment his wife walked in. She look like a 5' tall standard poodle walking on hind legs with red lips. She had a poodle hair cut and big poodle eyes. Her lips had half a stick of real red lipstick on them. Calvin was right I wouldn't believe that they they fell in love at first sight. I like poodles and all but I could not and cannot picture anyone being married to one.