Surviving Baby's First Year: You Can Do It!

When I see mothers for the first time after they've given birth, most of them are sleep deprived and more than a little overwhelmed. I try to answer their questions and reassure them that the first few weeks are generally the hardest and that in time, they'll get the hang of things and feel more confident and together. Here's a column that my colleague, Dr. Alice Chang, wrote about what she learned during her first year as a mom. I hope you'll be able to relate to her experiences and learn from her advice:  

While I was pregnant a friend told me, "Alice, you are about to undertake one of the most challenging experiences of your life." I didn't get it. I thought nothing could top making it through medical school. But, at the end of my baby's first year, I now understand what she meant. With the benefit of hindsight, I can now tell you what made the first year crazy, challenging and confusing for me.

One of the biggest challenges was sorting through advice and warnings from books, friends, relatives and the media, all while sleep-deprived and spending my waking moments trying to decipher my baby's needs. With the advantage — or disadvantage — of a medical degree, I was constantly struggling between my medically trained mind (where is the evidence?) and my practical, and often desperate mind (if it doesn't hurt the baby, why not try it?).

The following are a few of my tips on surviving advice during the first year. I don't mean to add yet another voice of opinion, but hopefully these will give you the safe ways to follow your own voice and limit anxiety during a physically and mentally demanding year.

Crying

Most of the time, as long as the baby is fed and changed and not uncomfortable, the advice for a colicky baby or for one who won't go to sleep is to let him cry. Hah. Easier said than done for most of us.

For the colicky baby, get help and avoid feeling responsible. No one is at fault for this condition. In fact, no one can explain colic yet. Check with your pediatrician to make sure there is no sign of other problems, illness, or allergies. And there is no harm in trying to change what you eat if you are breastfeeding. However, while some people swear by herbal drops, I am wary enough of consuming unregulated herbal products that I didn't want to try them with my baby.

Some days, moving my son from one activity to another helped. On others, we just needed to let him cry it out. Sometimes, a bath, car ride or the baby swing helped. While we had family debates about the use of a pacifier and whether my son would be using it until he was 21, I used it for a few months, and then he would no longer take it. I also tried eliminating caffeine, chocolate, milk products and spicy foods from my diet but this didn't seem to help. (And to this day, I still contend that spicy food cannot be at fault or you would have entire cultures of colicky babies).

Magically, one day, it just all went away. And that's the only thing that is true about all colicky babies — they do get better.

Feeding

First, some medical musts: Do not feed the baby any strawberries, nuts, chocolate, cow's milk or egg whites until the first year. Chances for your child developing these allergies are greatest within this first year. Because these allergies can be fairly significant and life threatening, it is safest to avoid these foods.

Breast-feeding for at least six months to a year is optimal. Don't let anyone mislead you, though, breastfeeding is not easy. But the health benefits, the protective effect of the mother's antibodies, the nutritional aspects, the bonding with the baby, and the decreased risk for asthma and other allergic conditions should not be ignored. If you are having problems, don't give up without seeking help. The best sources of help are not only other mothers, but La Leche League and other mothers' help groups.

As my son got older, my pediatrician kept telling me to get my son to eat more solids, it was never really quite clear how to do this. Then, my neighbor, the mother of three, suggested I let him feed himself the foods that we were eating. And miraculously, my son became a voracious eater.

Sleeping

Again, there are some medical musts regarding sleeping: Thanks to the "Back to Sleep" campaign to have all babies sleep on their backs, the incidence of sudden infant death syndrome has decreased. We still don't understand what causes SIDS, but why take a chance?

Because babies are now on their backs, they don't get the tummy time to develop their neck and abdominal muscles. Make sure to watch your baby when she is on her tummy. Try a nursing pillow or your lap if the baby doesn't enjoy the tummy. Use toys to keep him or her interested.

What about co-sleeping? Essentially, a baby is smart and likes to be around a warm body. Lying next to you in your bed, babies also can smell that Mom or Dad is around. There are obvious dangers, such as rolling over or smothering the baby. Some people warn that baby will get too used to sleeping with Mom and Dad and won't want to sleep on his own. But when I was desperate for a few more hours of sleep, I would take my son to bed. He was still able to sleep in the crib the next night.

And to dispel one final myth – baby joys are not always obvious from day one. When you are sleep-deprived and just trying to get a shower and change of clothes for yourself, you may wonder why any of us should go through this. Rest assured—plenty of joys await that you will understand by the end of the first year. And that's one secret that I leave to you to discover.

Feeding, sleeping, and crying are the big three for baby's first year. Babies change so fast—just when you get the hang of one stage, they are moving into another. Try to stay ahead of your baby's development. For example, that picture hanging on the wall over the changing table? Move it before your baby can reach his arms up and cause it to come crashing down. And don't be afraid to take a break. Get a relative, friend , or babysitter to allow you some time to replenish yourself.

What have been your biggest frustrations during baby's first year? Do you have any tips you'd like to share with other new mothers?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

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