HOW DO YOU WRITE A "HARMLESS" ARTICLE???......

I was sitting here in front of my computer, contemplating the absurd idea of beginning another article. As I was ruminating on various ideas of what to write about, a strange notion suddenly entered my mind. I began to think about whether or not it might be possible to actually write an article that could be considered "harmless".

An article that offended no one, made nobody angry, and incited no one to feel the need to unsheath the sword of their indignation and begin flailing away in response to anything that I wrote. The more I thought about it, the more I comprehended the impossibility of such a vain and empty task.

The first thing that pointed out how pointless trying to write a "harmless" article would be was when I thought about my experiences in the past here at Gather. I have written dozens and dozens of articles on almost any subject that I could imagine. I have written silly articles and I have written very serious ones. I have written funny stuff and I have written a lot of stuff that was meant to be funny, but the responses that I received clearly indicated that what I wrote really wasn't so "funny" afterall.

And, out of all those many, many articles, only a small handful failed to offend anybody or piss anybody off. How they failed to do so is still a mystery to me. I wrote an extremely stupid thing a while ago "harmlessly" poking fun at the "Abraham Lincoln Quote" articles, written by David K.,  that I see frequently here at Gather. In my typical and highly misunderstood Monty Pythonesque method of humor I wrote:
"Mary, this play sure is funny.....I'm glad we---------ARRRGGGG!!!!!"
So far, the article has only received 14 comments. And, out of those 14 comments. six of them are either playfully or are seriously critical of me daring to write such a thing.

While I wholeheartedly agree that it really wasn't all that funny, when I wrote it, I had no idea that poking fun at a man who has been dead for almost 143 years would actually bother anybody. If I had done something similar with a "John F. Kennedy Quote" article, then I would have easily and readily had no problem understanding why a lot of people would be offended. At least one person here thought my article was funny enough to steal it and put it on their website without even asking me first. And, actually, I didn't really mind that, because their thievery at least showed me that they liked it.

Last Christmas, I wrote an article poking what I thought was "harmless" fun at a few traditional Christmas carols. And I ended up paying dearly for that one. I think I ruffled enough feathers to stuff a mattress with them. And now, almost three months later, I still don't know what all the fuss was about. In fact, I seldom EVER understand what all the fuss is about. Why do people get so riled up over something a complete stranger writes on an insignificant website??

Now, no matter what I write or how I write it, I automatically assume and expect ahead of time that, when I come back the next day and read the comments, at least a few of them will have something negative or critical to say about what I wrote. However, it is not the critcism or negativity that I mind so much as the utter perplexity and confusion I experience in reaction to the motives that some people have when they leave a comment, on my articles or on anybody's articles.

I think the anonmynity factor has a lot to do with it. It is like when someone spray paints graffitti on the side of a building or goes around shooting out car windows with a BB gun. People here at Gather say things in their comments that they would never actually say to someone's face. They figure, "I don't know this person and they can't do anything to me, so I can insult them, berate them, and generally hurt them and piss them off in any way I please because of my anonmynity and because they are not significant to my personal life."

But, the thing is, I have never once written anything to purposely or intentionally offend anybody. However, because many people keep their feelers out 24/7/365, and go around just looking for a reason to be offended or indignant at someone or something, I don't need to "try" to be offensive. I am automatically offensive as soon as they lay eyes on anything that I have written. Why should anyone knock themselves out to be labeled offensive when there are so many others more than happy and willing to do the job for them??

Oh well, this is my tenth paragraph and I need to figure out a way to bring this pointless article to a close. I guess all I can say is, no one should even try to write a "harmless" article or allow their feelings to be hurt when they discover that others didn't see what they wrote as being all that "harmless". Expect to be berated and criticized, but don't end up becoming cynical about it. However, by all means, never, ever write anything and assume that it is "harmless".