Hey Moms, It's Time for Some Downtime

So...What Exactly Does "Downtime" Mean?

Downtime is a perk-or so most people think. It's just not something a busy mother, whether working outside the home or not, feels she has a right to. If you're like most of the moms we've talked to, downtime means this: feeling guilty for taking time off. (Guilt is a word we'd like to banish from our vocabularies, but more on that later.) As soon as we take a little downtime for ourselves, we feel as though we're doing something naughty, like skipping school. 

Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck, writer

Anyway, that's all beside the point because we just don't have time for it, do we?  We're much too busy to be standing still. Everyone wants something from us, and between chores and work and food and driving, there's just not a spare minute to lavish on ourselves.

Often we snatch downtime secretively. We've zoned out in front of the television for a minute, and we know we should get up and put away the dishes, or make those appointments, or actually read the newspaper instead of just throwing it away, but we can't seem to move. Yoga makes us feel peaceful, but it takes too darn long. In the evenings when the kids are sleeping, a beer or a drink often makes up for the lack of calm we've had during the day. We find temporary solutions that aren't really solutions at all, but only duct tape on a broken pipe. 

From Problem to Solution: Deidre mother of three from Illinois

Deidre works the early shift in a family-run business and has an hour to herself before her children get off the bus after school. She clears away crusty breakfast dishes, makes beds and starts in on the laundry. Come 3pm she's pretty cranky. So she tried an experiment: Instead of filling this time alone with chores, she makes a cup of tea and watches her favorite T.V. show that she's recorded from the evening before. "It's not that long, but I really feel I'm relaxing," she said. "When the kids get home, I've got renewed patience." Now, she tidies things up when the children are home. Deidre's even managed to get them in the habit of making their own beds and bringing down the laundry hamper. 

So what do we really mean when we say downtime? We're not talking about those rushed moments, crammed in between the stuff of our lives. We're suggesting you actually give yourself a Time-Out-from ten minutes, to an hour, to a day-when:

• You choose what to do with your time. You're doing something you want to do, not what someone else expects you to do
• You've temporarily escaped from your roles as mother, spouse, or professional and are simply being yourself
• You have given yourself permission to do nothing: you are being, not doing
• You're allowing your body and mind to relax

One important thing we discovered on our journey as friends and mothers in the age of doing too much is that downtime means totally different things to different women. Because she's so busy, Anne finds her daily quiet time right in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life. Susan sees her car as a refuge, and often gets places early so she can sit and listen to the radio in peace. Katrin finds creative outlets so she can continue to find pleasure in her work.

Excerpt from Mothers Need Time Outs, Too.  McGraw-Hill 2008

        ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mothers Need Time-outs Too is the new featured book in the McGraw-Hill Books Group. Learn about why it's okay and important to be a selfish mom. Share your stories. Offer advice. And read why it's important to be selfish!

To join the group, click here.

Buy the book.