Mr Nobody: A Short Tale of the Yukon

It's not worth pointing a rife at me, I'm nobody.

Tell me Mr. Nobody, you come up from Haines?

Yes

What're conditions at Chilkat Pass?

Cold and snowbound as one could expect of November in the high Yukon. Whiteouts for long periods, with clouds touching the ground but those are summer conditions as well. 

Is it passable?

Not with those dogs.

They're good enough.

Appear to be Tutchone dogs, like mine.

Might be.

Lot of heart in those teams.

They're worthless.

I heard it said, lot like the Tutchone themselves, their dogs will take you anywhere, even where they shouldn't go.

Tutchone are worthless as their dogs..

You probably got more experienced than me, like I said, I'm a nobody. And I'm so worthless, I married a Tutchone woman in '03

I say they're ugly people; sleep with 'em but not one of 'em worth making a wife

Mine was a fine one. Tough, dependable, loyal, she gave me a little girl, but died doing it. Doctor said it was an infection from child birth. She had so much heart and loyalty kept right on with her chores, even dying of fever. She couldn't bear that I had to take care of her. Just kind of gave up.

You contradict'n me?

Wouldn't contradict a man with a rifle.

First smart thing you said.

I'll tell you another smart thing. You return loyalty, you get the best out of people and dogs.

Again, you contradict'n me?

No, you know better than me, but I have to tell you a Northern Tutchone woman made it from Pelly Crossing to Whitehorse the day before yesterday and her dogs aren't in nearly as sad a shape as yours.

Who the hell are you?

Like I said, I'm nobody.

Then why tell me about this squaw?

Just something I heard.

-And who the hell are you to bring up Pelly Crossing? You accusing me of something?

I'm nobody, wouldn't dream of accusing anyone..

You're more like nothing.

Are you going to shoot me because I'm nothing?

Was my first idea.

What's your idea now?

I'm thinking you're going to guide me through Chilkat Pass to the port of Haines.

That is not a good idea.

Why?

Because I might lead you to your death.

So I kill you now and pick my way through to Haines alone. By Friday, I'll be soaking in a warm bath and thinking about finding a bar and a getting a steamer ticket to Seattle.

You are on the right track Gil, your name is Gil, right?

So what?

And you did kill Matte Ashiishke in Pelly Crossing?

I surely did.

I figured that. The Northern Tutchone woman was Matte's sister. She set out after you left, and took good care of her dogs, even went a longer route, still came in a day ahead.

Like I said, so what?

Considering that you're not set up to make it in the bush, and you're not welcome anywhere in the Yukon because the murder made the newspaper, it looks like Haines is your best bet.

That's my mind.

Gil, I got to tell you, that is not a good idea. Whitehorse cabled Skagway, and the packet boat most likely reached my friend Theodore Mac Dowel in Haines this morning. Mac Dowel is a peace officer, not a law man. He keeps the peace, but he doesn't follow the law. Trust me, you do not want to meet him, especially if I've gone missing.

Who the hell are you?

I told you, nobody.

You're a liar.

Okay Gil, I'll tell you the truth. As a man, I'm a father, a school teacher, a laundryman and cook to a dark eyed six year old little beauty, so from a personal perspective, like I say, I am nobody, but professionally I serve as corporal in the North West Mounted Police. And in that capacity, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of a gentle and loyal soul, Matte Ashiishke.

© Greg Schiller, 2007

Author: Greg Schiller