Visiting Christmas Past and Present.

While growing up I spent the first five years with my grandparents and after that every holiday and summer break from school. Where we lived, we were all poor in a financial sense, but very rich in many other ways. Starting with Thanksgiving my uncle would go on rabbit hunts. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we had rabbit meat, I grew up thinking this was a tradition and not a means of the survival it really was.

The Christmas cookies we made were made with cornmeal and a bit of sugar. It was also a time of peppermint candy, my grandma would buy a big peppermint stick and with a hammer break it into many pieces. It was also time to make fudge which were gifts for close friends and family.

It was on one of our trips to the local market to buy ingredients for baking, that I saw him siting there, it was Santa. Being somewhat shy at that time, I tried to hide and peeked around the corner. When he saw me, he winked and gestured with his hand for me to come over by him. With a bit of encouragement from my grandma, I went up to sit on his lap. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I whispered a doll.

On the walk home, my grandma asked me what I had asked for. I told her a doll, and that Santa said he would see what he could do. My grandma said to not get my hopes up. Santa only makes a certain number of dolls, and he may not have any left by the time he gets here. Besides, you need new pajamas since you are outgrowing the ones Santa made you last year. Santa always brought the warmest flannel PJs, it would be a few years before I realized my grandma stayed up late sewing those pajamas, but she gave the applause to Santa Clause. When you are a child the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas takes forever. I quickly forgot about the doll I had asked for.

Christmas Eve, my grandma always gave us our present from her. A popcorn ball that she had made the day before. Maybe it was positively thinking about the next morning, or the sugar in the syrup from the popcorn balls, but it was always hard to sleep on Christmas Eve.

That year on Christmas morning looking back at me from under the tree was a doll. Not wrapped in paper, just in her box. There was also a new pair of flannel pajamas made with peppermint stripes. The biggest surprise of all was at the bottom of the box was a nightgown made out of the same material as my new PJs, a nightgown that fit my new doll. Santa Clause must have had scraps left after making your pajamas my grandma said.

My grandma's last Christmas was two years ago. I sent her peppermint candy like; I did every year. I had gone home for Thanksgiving and found that her breast cancer had come back and matasize. Since she was 91 years old, they weren't going to treat her. I briefly went home again to see her that Feburary. At night I would tuck her into bed then climb in beside her. We talked about everything and anything. One night I asked her, grandma do you remember the doll you made sure I received the one year at Christmas. She said she did, well I still have it, and the nightgown you made too. She laughed as we drifted off to sleep, and she said well I'll be.

When I left, my grandma had been hospitalized. While at the hospital the nurses weren't quick enough for her. She fell on the hospital floor while trying to use the restroom without competent help and was unconscious. I called the next day and my cousin said she would put the phone up to grandma's ear. Much to everyone surprise, she woke up long enough to tell me that she was glad I came to visit, and that she was happy I made it home safe. Those were her last words as she slipped back into unconsciousness. I miss her and always will and more so at Christmas time. The connection between her and I was really strong. I seriously thought I would never feel that same connection again in this lifetime. That was until I looked into my grandson's eyes. I feel the same connection with Avery, when I look into his eyes. Life is a circle, like I have always been taught.

I tell Avery about his great, great grandma, and how much she would have loved him. When he looks back at me, I can't help but feel that somehow he already knows.