So true---how may time have I looked at a person and have to look away in fear they will know what I felt for them that warmed my heart. We humans are so out of tone with nature and the natural order of things. When two hearts/spirits met and they experience feeling for one another but we just feel shame and turn away in hope nobody noticed, the sick feeling inside that we were not brave enough to grasp the moment and love a willing heart... Very well written and love the flow. Thanks for sharing....
I love this! So much subtext, I could spend a week with it. I like this one line especially, The wind in my mind rattles you The rest of that stanza is good too, but this is really where it is for me. Very good work.
I like way you've captured the moment with brevity. The sensorial imagery engages the reader while the wind elicits stirring emotion. Very nice use of the prompt word.
Thanks ya'll. I agree Free Spirit, I wonder how many wonderful and rich relationships we give up because we aren't brave enough to take the risk of getting hurt, yet so often the goodness of love is worth the hurt if we are strong enough to recognize it for what it is worth and are comfortable in our own skins.
Yes Duckie, so glad you caught that in the last line, I was going for the double meaning there.
Thank you mike. I'm a big fan of haiku, so the economy compliment is much appreciated, as I feel sometimes there is more meaning in fewer words if they are the right words.
This is terrific. The first stanza grabs my attention right away with its simple and charming language. The rest does not let down at all and is very inviting and engaging.
Love the how the piece draws the reader in to consider the movement and change that might be taking place in this relationship. As fall feels such a transitional season, so these lines seem to hint at transition in the relation. "Wind in your eyes" is so unpredictable and fresh. Then the wind, that can rattle one (kick such a one to the curb, as it were) is a creative surprise too.
dg, I bet it also appeals to you because it is a little like a haiku in its form. Writting haiku with you has made be better at whitteling down the words that aren't needed, and that somehow makes the poetry purer. Thank you for that.
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Comments: 25
But it's lovely -- short and bittersweet.
Wonderful comments Tracy and Barbra, thank you!
That first line packs a wallop. But the last line... wow. I read it as two SEPARATE words --- a paradox in two words.
Yes Duckie, so glad you caught that in the last line, I was going for the double meaning there.
Thank you mike. I'm a big fan of haiku, so the economy compliment is much appreciated, as I feel sometimes there is more meaning in fewer words if they are the right words.
This is such a lovely set of lines: "Like a yellow leaf with brown edges--Ever falling." I really enjoyed reading this!
I always end up to land on commenting specially
to read the best thought already expressed for
the best you spelled here dear !!
Excellent poetry friend !!!
Thank you Sujata.
Thanks so much Sheila, I always appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff.
autumnrose, its always nice when a poem can touch a chord with one of my readers. Thanks for your sweet comment.
One of your best.
Makes me feel like I'm skittering along, powered by the wind.
dg, I bet it also appeals to you because it is a little like a haiku in its form. Writting haiku with you has made be better at whitteling down the words that aren't needed, and that somehow makes the poetry purer. Thank you for that.
Aw, shucks...
;-)