Republish: "Pieces of My Heart" The Full Series

    I have decided to go through my old posts that I have submitted on here, and republish them. The primary reason why I have decided to do this, is becuase I have felt that these pieces have lacked the attention they deserve... Some people might not agree but it is the way I currently feel.

    With this particular republish I have decided to repost the whole series of "Pieces of My Heart" that I wrote last year, while my best friend was gone during basic training. With this I have decided as well to submit all the pictures that I had posted with the originial pieces as well. I also have decided to chronologically post all the pieces in order below. This way it hopefully will be an easier read for everyone as well.

Hello Everyone...

     I have been trying to daily post comments to my best friend who is currently down in Georgia for Basic Training with the Army.  I know he can not get to a computer and view theses comments, but what I have been doing is.  When I get a free chance I gather all the comments and will put them in to one large letter and send them out to him.  I am doing this mainly due to the fact, like anyone we all live busy lives.  And there might be a moment I was to say so much to him, but do not have a pen and paper available.  So I figure what better way, than posting a comment up to him and than I can always come back to it, Right???  

     So here I am going to give installments of my comments I have left for him to share with you all. If you were down in basic training would you appreciate theses?  Just curious?  I am going to try to post up them in a series called "Pieces of My Heart, and the Date they were written".  Thanks. 

Original Submission: February 12, 2007 11:35 AM EST

Jan 16 2007 11:44P

Hey Babe,

I know you are probably not going to get this anytime soon, but I still felt that I should post it up on here...

You have always meant so much to me... I am so glad that we got to spend the weekend together... I am so glad I finally got to go to the Avalon with you... Even though the night turned in to one of the worse nights of my life after we left, I am still glad we got to spend it together... It truly meant the world to me... You have been there for me for so much, you have been there for me for my ups and my downs...

And this weekend you again were there for me at one of my worst and scariest moments yet of my life... I am so sorry that you were put in the situation you were of having to see me have the violet seizure I had, I am sorry for the fact that you at first weren't sure if I was fucking around, but than when you realized what was going on... I am at least glad in a way, if anyone was there besides my mom it was you...

Thank you again, for staying and helping me until the ambulance came, than bringing Tiger with Mom and you to the hospital to met up with the ambulance at the ER... This is now the second time you having been with me when I have been taken to the ER... Josh I do hope you know... even though I have said it millions of times, I am very grateful for every moment that you have been in my life...

You are my closest and dearest friend... I know you have my back when it comes down to it... I know we fight and have our moments... But heck it just makes us stronger... I have to say tonight when you asked me if I can try to come down for your graduation from Basic it put one of the largest smiles you have ever caused on my face... I am going to try my hardest to make sure I come down there and see you achieve the accomplishment you are leaving to achieve...

I hope you know... No matter what Hun, I have been so proud of you. I have always believed in you... Just like you have believed in me... I know you are going to pass Basic with flying colors Hun... I will miss you every day you're gone... Stay strong And I will see you in a couple months. Love you always Hugs and Kisses ~~ Felicia

Original Submission: February 12, 2007 11:07 PM EST 

Jan 22 2007 2:36A

Hi Sweetie...

It now has been (Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun) so 5 days since we last talked... You are probably still in the reception process right now... I miss you so freaking much... I just at this point miss our conversations the most, even the ones were half the time where we are just trying to watch the same show, but are quiet as hell... Times like that it is still nice to be on the phone with you just because I know you are there... And if anything comes up I can just say it or ask it...

I am so proud of you Josh... I really am... I start school up in about 12 hours... I should be sleeping, but I don't know if it is nerves or what... But I can't sleep, so I decided to write this to you... As well, I can't believe all the good stuff that is happening to me as in school related... I just was offered to be a part of a Leadership Program at my college... The only way you can be selected is if you do well in school hence the Dean's List, which you already knew I made... I miss telling you about how my days went, and if I feel unsure about myself or just simply doubting or depressed you are there to give me a dose of reality and keep me in check about how good I am doing...

I am going to try to start working on writing you letters roughly twice or at least once a week, so when I hear from you I can mail them out and you can be up to date on what is going with me... It just might be a novel by the time you get them... You know how I can write... Just like I talk... he he... Well I will let you go... Luvs ~ Felicia

Original Submission: February 13, 2007 11:44 PM EST

Jan 25 2007 4:50P

Hey Joshie Pooh,

Sweetie... I am so freaking happy right now... All my hard work last semester and all that stress I had, completely paid off... I made Dean's List which you know about... I was selected for the Student Leadership Program... And now I have been selected for Alpha Beta Gamma for Honor Society Business Students... :) I miss you Hun so much... Especially getting to tell you all my good news when on the phone... Grr... I hope you are having as much fun as you can while the Drill Instructors try to break you... I know you can do it Hun... ~~ Hugs and Kisses Felicia

Original Submission: February 14, 2007 12:36 AM EST

Jan 29 2007 3:12A

Hey Sweetie...

(Its funny I know you are going to read these for a while, but I still feel like this is the easiest way to let you know what is going on... Mainly in case when I do go to talk to you finally I am afraid I will forget the important things... Silly I know...)

Okay Hun cant sleep it is 3:10am the day the Sunday before my Oral Surgery which is on Tuesday morning... Oh yea... I am on a stupid soft food diet for about the next week, yea not! But what am I going to do... So, yea I am kind of nervous more for the pain... and the fact after the surgery I am going to fuck up my mouth by trying to sneak food I shouldn't be eating... also my sugars are now running higher since they redid my insulin's... So now I am being a major bitch to mom when I don't mean to... :(... Well I will let you go, hope to talk to you soon... Hope you are doing well... Hugs and Miss you babes... :)

Original Submission: February 14, 2007 04:56 PM EST

Hey Everyone...

I am so happy right now... I just received the best Valentines Day Present ever...

No it was not a present I can hold on to... It was not something wrapped in a box... It was not something you can ever truly buy with money...

What was my best present I have ever received...?

Well it was the phone call I just took... It was Josh (my best friend) calling from Basic Training... I only got to speak with him for 5 minutes, but still... It was so great to finally hear from him... It was the best present ever... I have missed him so much... 

Funny thing is also, he said he has only received 2 out of the 5 envelopes I have sent him. (One of those being a Valentines Day card.) Now that isn't the real funny thing. Since mind you... I figured they are kind of on a delay... But he said he sent me another letter... Now, between Josh and me... I have always been known the one to talk and write... And I mean in massive amounts... He tells me that his second letter he sent me is 13 pages long... Now, for Josh that is one massive letter from him... :) But defiantly not a bad thing at all... :)

Also, I found out his graduation date... Yea... So it will be on a Saturday which is good, since I can fly out on say a Friday and still get back so I wont miss my last week of classes... Yea... :) Now I just need to figure out how to come up with the money for the ticket down there... And my newest mission is to find a cheap flight down from Boston to Georgia...

~~ Felicia... :)

Original Submission: February 14, 2007 07:36 PM EST

Jan 30 2007 6:15P

Hey Josh,

You might be proud of me for the most part... Except for the way I acted when I first came out of the anthesia after surgery... I just had the oral surgery 8 hours ago... And I am doing fine for the most part... Some pain still but they have me on Vicodines... Well Generics but still... at least it is helping with the pain... You would be laughing at me at points... Especially when I am sleeping... I have a towel over my pillows since I knew I was probably going to drool while sleeping and I did... Yea I am a dork...

But babes I miss you... Hope you are staying strong... Felicia

Original Submission: February 14, 2007 09:28 PM EST

Jan 31 2007 11:20P

Hey Sweetie...

You missed the big news in Boston today... Well you might have heard about it, if it was on the National News and you guys can watch the News down in Basic...

Basically Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused Boston to get shut down today... This Artist made a bunch of electronic images that used LED lights and batteries of the little alien guy who looks like a little Tetris piece. Well the artist but them all over Boston... And people thought they were bombs... Well the guy was hired by Carton Network to promote the new Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie that is going to be coming out...

Well I thought I would let you know... He he... :) I thought it was kind of funny how all the old people had no clue that it was from a Carton show, and thought they were bombs... :)

Miss you Hun... Hugs... :)

Feb 2 2007 6:02P

Hey Sweetie,

Well today turned out to be a really good Friday... :) Mom came home and I was still sleeping (mainly due to since the surgery and the pain meds my sleep schedule is all out of whack), but she woke me up. Telling me I received something in the mail, I would really want to open...

It was your letter... :) Okay by the way I will be rewriting all these comments I have posted up here, with some additional thoughts in the letter I will be mailing back to you... :) Also, I did not realize how much grinning and smiling would actually hurt... :) Especially after the surgery... :) So now my face is killing me again... But it is well worth it, especially after hearing from you :).

Okay I am now off to copy all my comments down on paper so I can mail them to you... And add some extra thoughts I have had as well... Miss you babes... Hugs and Kisses... ~~ Felicia

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 5 2007)

 Original Submission: February 14, 2007 11:34 PM EST

Feb 5 2007 6:58P

Hey Hun,

Okay this won't probably be one of my longer comments left for you in the past few weeks...

I recently got home from school... What a long day... Not really in any bad ways... I just feel asleep early last night so, When I woke up... I couldn't get back to sleep... No matter how much I tried... So I decided since I needed to be at the college by noon for the Leadership Orientation today I would go a little early (an hour) and talk to the tutor lab. Especially for my Accounting since I hadn't started any since I was so lost trying to figure out what I was supposed to do for the problems...

Well funny thing is the instructions for each problem were on the bottom of the problems... This made me kind of feel like a dumb ass... I even attempted a few while I had the tutor there, and pretty much understood the problems and how to do them... So those made me feel a little better about me... :)

Otherwise, at school right now it is up in the air if I have to attend classes tomorrow, due to the fact, a main water pipe on the Haverhill Campus busted today... So they canceled the night classes starting after 5pm on that campus were canceled today, and the day classes for tomorrow the 6th, so I wont know about the 6pm Accounting class I am supposed to attend tomorrow until 3pm tomorrow... So it is a waiting game right now...

Otherwise I am exhausted, and will probably be heading to bed soon... But I also wanted to say... I got your message today... I am sorry I missed your phone call... :( But I hope I am around next time you try to call... Although for some reason our phones are making a mad annoying static sound all the time... I think it is the outside phone line of the house... Mom thinks it is the phones themselves... Either way it is kind of annoying right now... So if and when you call again... Just beware of the annoying noise... :)

Okay Hun I am going to let you go for now... I am off to crawl in to my bed... Stay safe and warm Hun... It is freezing here right now... ~~ Felicia ~~ <3

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 6 2007)

Original Submission: February 15, 2007 12:08 AM EST

Feb 6 2007 11:39P

Hey Josh,

So obvious question of the day/night, how was your day??? Hope it is going well... I am still upset I missed your call yesterday... :( But hopefully I will hear from you soon... But I am still glad you left a message. :) It was good hearing your voice again... (Honestly one of my fears was and is, is that I would not hear from you in a while voice wise... and I would forget what your voice sounds like... But since you called it was good since I still know your voice... I know it sounds silly but you know me I am your meat wad... he he...

So okay you are missing a great season of DIRT, it is defiantly a nice show to replace NIP/TUCK with... But I am so into it... Wish you were around to watch it so we could so called watch it together and than have our phone conversations after... :)

Okay School wise... Well... Let's see... I had my first accounting class in two weeks... I actually didn't feel all that lost... This is good... :) Plus I just found out on the week of Feb 19th I get to have two days off out of the three days worth of classes I am supposed to have that week... Monday is a Holiday so school is closed... Tuesday my Accounting professor canceled class, so I only have to shop up for Wednesday... :)

Also, now we won't have an exam for about 3 weeks which is good... :) More time to study and retain info...

Other news... I have been slacking on my math... Especially for my in class homework... For Mini Trig... Grr... I need to start getting my butt in gear... Or I will fall way behind... And that isn't good... But the Online course I was going over material today and I got the first problem correct which shocked the heck out of me... Since I haven't touched that type of Math in forever... And that is all I attempted when I found out I had my night class tonight, since they fixed the water main pipe on campus today...:/ But at least we had it and didn't have to reschedule the class to make it up...

Okay Hun, I am heading to bed now... Although I might rewrite the last two days worth of comments I left you and some any free thoughts that pop in my head while writing these down... So I will say good night for now... And if I put these in a letter to send to you, I will be mailing it out tomorrow... Which I just might due... Otherwise I have to get up early to be on campus for noon tomorrow...

Bye sweetie, Love and miss you... Wishing you the best of luck at Basic... Talk to you again soon... Hugs and Kisses ~~ Felicia :) <

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 8 2007)

Original Submission: February 15, 2007 06:08 PM EST

Feb 8 2007 10:54A

Hi Josh,

Okay Sweetie I am sorry for not writing a brief message to you last night... My ass was exhausted in general... And it was a long day...

First thing while it is on my mind... How is it each time you call...? I end up missing it... Grr... :( I am not happy about that... You actually sounded odd last night in the message as well... I let mom listen to it since you said to tell her "Hi", so I figured that would be better than me saying it she could hear it from you. :) Well, she said "Josh sounds disappointed..." I turned to her and said, "Well I would be too... And I am that I missed his call again. All because you wanted to go to the Base and go groceries shopping, since you are going away this weekend..." Now mind you I was in a way being serious, but also sarcastic also. The main reason for being serious was because I missed your phone called once again. But also I was so dang exhausted in general last night. Being sarcastic due to the fact I knew if we did not go shopping for groceries when we did... I would not have had any food for me to eat (soft foods that is), until after she got back, if not later next week.

So school yesterday was actually besides very long... It was awesome to a certain degree... :) I won the raffle that was held at a student's activity today... It had some awesome things in it... Like a $5.00 gift card to Barnes and Nobles... Which I can use at the school book store... Yea... Plus the awesome thing about that is when the gift cards are under $5.00's you get cash back... Sweet deal free money... Always can use that... :) Also there were tickets to a few sporting events at the Tsongas arena in Lowell. Just have no clue how I would get there... I am thinking of posting up bulletins up on Myspace seeing if anyone would want to hang out with me and go with me to them... Heck they are free tickets mine as well see if someone can help me out by giving me a ride there and they also get to see the event as well... They are from Hockey tickets to Basketball tickets, so not bad at all... Also there were two T-Shirts in there as well, and also a nice little fleece scarf in it, some little things, a cup, and a Lord of the Rings Toy that I gave to mom to see if anyone at her work has a son or daughter who would want it... Since I have no real use for it... Also it came in a nice little wicker basket so Mom can use that at home...

Other than that at school, I really worked out in my Aerobics class, although at first I had to wait 15 minutes till I could join it, since my blood sugar was 53. So I drank one of the Welch's juices and about 15 minutes later my sugar was back up to 125. So I got to join. By the end of class I was a sweaty mess and was in feeling the burn in my muscles from my hamstrings, to my legs, to my abs... Dang can I say I worked out... :) Also, today in my Mini Trig class the teacher decided to try to reschedule the class since it does not really work for his schedule as he is finding out right now. So we might be switching our meeting time... Only drag about that is I do not think we will be meeting when I want to have the class meet :(. But I will have to deal with it...

So now I am trying to get ready to head to the Oral surgeons to be re-evaluated for my wounds and see if I have dry socket or not... If I do they will give me some medication in the wounds in the office, which will be nice... Since it is still causing me pain... But I am going to let you go for now... Since I have to finish getting ready... I will come back and leave you another comment later letting you know how that went as well... But for now... Bye Hun... Miss you, and wish you the best... And glad you are doing well out there... :)

Talk to you later... Hugs and Kisses... ~~ Felicia ~~

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 9 2007)

Original Submission: February 17, 2007 04:58 PM EST

Feb 9 2007 9:51A

Okay Hun...

Well my day yesterday into today was not a boring day in any situation... I am not going to go into much detail about what happened from yesterday evening till this morning in this comment, since when I go to rewrite this to mail to you... I will just copy down the bulletin/blog I posted about my lovely night last night... and where I got to spend it once again... :/

Okay so yesterday I had my oral surgery follow-up... Supposedly it went well... They said everything is looking fine... Although he did suggest that I try to stop smoking for another 4 to 5 days... Well if last night had been any worse... I might have been able to do that... But I at least got to go home...

Okay so while I was down in Lowell at their Transit Authority... You know the one where we look Keith aka Freak to before to head back to Woburn... We even walked from down town Lowell all the way to it one day... But while I was there, I saw that they do Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun Bus Tours from there... I was hoping to talk to the lady who ran the booth for more than the time I got to... But after waiting about 15 minutes and only had another 7 minutes to catch my bus back to Lawrence I just kind of jumped in and asked my question... "What days does the Casino Bus's do the trips?" She said "Every day."

Well while I was waiting I had actually found the little pamphlets about them too... It told the schedules and how much it cost... And all the places it picks people up at, and what times... :) I found out besides Lowell, for me locally they pick people up in Lawrence as well... So I figure that is pretty sweet of a deal... Especially since that is much closer to me that Lowell is... And either way it is $15 dollars to ride supposedly... I would want to check the prices... And supposedly they go every day as well from Lawrence... So maybe one day... We could either meet up or something... But it is nice to know I have that new option now... And I also found out you technically can pay for your bus tickets with your Mohegan Sun points... Just need to do a lot of gambling he-he...

Okay so what happened last night...? Briefly I will tell you here... I had to go back to the Emergency Room once again at Lawrence General... This time no admitting me... This is good... But we found out I have a Urinary Track Infection (UTI) and as well I have a Kidney Stone... Oh yea the fun... Well Hun I talked a lot about it in the blog I posted so, I will just add that to the two comments I have already written you since the last letter I sent out to you... So this letter will be letter four (4). :) I think you should save all these letters I am sending you. And by the time you are done with basic Training you will have a Journal/Book worth of letters from me... Again I am so sorry they keep being so long... I really do not mean for that to happen... I just feel like there is so much to tell you... And I do not want you to miss out on anything... That is why I tend to so called Ramble... But at least you know I am thinking about you, and showing you the love by sending you these :).

Okay Hun... I am going to lie down for a while... Before I have to get ready... I am accepting someone from Verizon to come and work on the house phone line, since there is a massive amount of static, whenever you pick up the phone to use it... And after that I am supposed to be at the Dentist at 2pm, so I can either get a filling done or get fitted for the partial... Oh fun, fun, fun... Either way... Oh yea... Can you feel the sarcasm in that last sentence? ;) Than right now, I am waiting for the Urologist's secretary to call me back and let me know if the doctor wants to see me and if so... I will go straight there after my Dentist appointment, since they are right now the street from each other. So that is not as bad as I thought it was going to be as in travel wise... So I will not be home until the latest around 6ish tonight... Also, mom is leaving me for the weekend to go up to the Ski Lodge with Janice to run the ski races this weekend. So I already called Mavis and asked if I need to go back to the Hospital this weekend would she be able to help me out and give me a ride... She said, "Yea that is not a problem at all..."

Okay Hun... I will let you go for now... Talk to you later... Hugs and Kisses... And I am trying my best to stay healthy... It is just my body doesn't want to listen to me... :( I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Hun... Love you ~~ Felicia

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 10 2007)

 Original Submission: February 18, 2007 03:03 AM EST

Feb 10 2007 5:53P

Hey Babes,

Well Grrs, I am having a blah day... Well lets see since I woke up late today, around 1230pm, I have had ketones. Thankfully I am not getting sick yet, which is a very good thing. So literally I have been in contact with the on call Doctor at Joslin for the last few days... We are at least trying to keep things regulated.

So I just went to CVS to pick up my new prescription the Urologist gave me for the UTI I have. While I was waiting for my prescription to be filled, I decided to look at the Valentines Day Cards. Oh did I find the most perfect one for you. He he. :) I will send it out on Monday. As well with Letter 4, since I did not have it done before the mailman came, since I woke up so late. So I will be putting this comment in to the Letter also.

Otherwise, it is just me and Libby at the house. I swear she is all depressed; she has to no idea where mom is. I tried to get her to sleep in my room last night, but she had nothing to do with it. So she slept in Moms room, well as well know it, Mom and Libby's bed. :) You have to figure I bet she was happy to have the bed all to her self. Heck you know how comfortable that bed is. I was actually debating about sleeping in it myself. :) Though, I am very proud of Libby though. See did not have any accidents while I was sleeping. She was very hungry by the time I got feed her, so I think I will wait to feed her tonight. Though she is a weirdo, she loves her Fish Oil Pills (she takes one in the morning, and one at night) and her other medication pill. She actually chewed them both today. She is an odd ball. :)

Okay I am off to try to eat a whopper junior I picked up while waiting for the bus after I was done at CVS from Burger King. Good Luck to me. :)

Well I miss you babes. And Tiger says hi as well. :) Hugs and Kisses, Love Felicia

Pieces of My Heart (Question I need help with)

Original Submission: February 18, 2007 03:23 PM EST

Good Afternoon, Evening or Morning to Everyone, 

I wanted to ask everyone a question. As most of you know my best friend Josh is down in Basic Training at Fort Benning, GA. I had asked him in one of my letters if he would be able to and if he would like me to send him some care packages.  He responded back in his second letter saying he would love to receive some.  Only I need to make sure I do not supply any contraband in them, meaning no Candy or Food. 

So I am trying to come up with at least one care package for him, for now. And like he said, he can not receive contraband so no candy and no food... But I am stuck on what else to send to him... I am hopefully going to be able to print out some pictures I have on my moms digital camera and as well print some pictures I have up on the computer already as well to send to him since he asked for pictures in his last letter. Also, I received 6 free Fusion Razors so I was figuring I could send him two or three of those... But I am trying to figure what else to stuff the care package with... Also with out sending him really dorky stuff that will get him teased by the other cadets and the drill sergeants. 

Any and all help you could send my way would be very much appreciated... I think this would be a great place for me to get numerous ideas, the more the better. (Funny thing is I feel like I should know... Especially being affiliated with the military for my whole life... But as of right now, I am pulling up some major blanks...)

~~ Felicia

Pieces of My Heart (Feb 17 2007)

Original Submission: February 18, 2007 10:14 PM EST

Feb 17 2007 3:41P

Hey Sweetie...

I have been slacking so much and not even just leaving you comments. Even with my school work. I have been meaning to open my books and get things started but I swear I need another person. Well a twin that no one knows about. One just larking in the closet and I can pull her out when I need help getting things done.

I just received your second letter. I will try tonight to get my 5th one started, Although I know I am notorious for saying this, I am going to try to do installments short and sweet ones, but yea me and short and sweet. Ha ha No it is always long and way in depth. :) My first goal today will be to actually get either a chapter of Accounting done (even though this week I do not have class) or start either a section or a chapter of my online Algebra and Trig work done, since midterms are creeping on up. March 19th, oh crap, I need to get my ass moving.

Okay Hun, I am going to repeat this in your letter to you. But for now, since I am writing this now. You responded to my question I asked you "Would you be my Valentine?" saying "The Answer is would you like to be my Valentine?" Josh the answer is YES... I would love to be your Valentine. I was actually so far my best Valentine's Day ever. Having you call me even though it was only 5 minutes. It was the best ever, getting to talk to you, getting to hear from you. It is probably the dorkiest thing but YES Josh I will be your Valentine. I honestly hope you know (even though I have said it in many ways numerous times) you are the best thing that has ever walked in to my life. It's so funny I know we can drive each other bonkers but at the same time it just makes me appreciate you, and our friendship so much more, especially when you do the sweetest things ever. And sometimes I do not even think you know you are doing them. I miss you like crazy Hun. Be have, he he. :) I am going to work on a dorky but very sweet care package for you. (And it will not contain any contraband I promise. :)) Hugs and Kisses and all my Love ~~ Felicia

Feb 17 2007 9:11P

Okay Josh this is a double feature today... :)

Chris earlier tonight sent me this comment via myspace:

"Feb 17 2007 6:14P, Please Please Please Please Please Pleasssssssse change you song for me I H A T E that song"

So I go to check my page out... I really didn't forget that this was the song on my page... But I was not absolutely sure. So I look and it is "Miracle" by Cascada. Ironically that was the song that was playing NYE 05/06. Also, if you listen to every lyric in the song it is how I feel about you... (Although there are something's in the song that kind of resemble us but at the same time you didn't do exactly what it said but at the time I felt probably the same as if it was... But that is the past :)) I know stupid kind of or dorky. But at the same time it is, simple as that. So when Chris asked me to remove it. I literally sent him an explanation of why I can not remove the song from my page. (When I write you I will add the comment so there is not a novel on here... :))

Oh yea... In regards to the song, I just found out tonight it is another one of Libby's favorites. I was playing the song on the computer didn't have it full blasting or anything... And what happens... Miss Libby comes from downstairs and starts singing to the song. How freaking funny is that. So that is another reason why I should not remove the song. There are too many links to me and the ones I care so deeply about with it.

Oh on another side note... I forgot to mention this to you earlier. Last night I was again home by myself, since mom went away back up to the mountains. So I was deciding what I was going to make for dinner for myself... I finally choose I was going to do a healthy meal... I was going to make homemade sauce for some spaghetti, and than do a healthy snow peas, and mushrooms, and scallion onions cooked in some healthy butter... Oh I felt like a super little cook... And funny thing was while I was cooking for myself and only myself. I started thinking back to all the times I would play cook for you... :) Where I would come up to you either when you lived with me and mom, or when you come and visit and ask you if you wanted Pancakes... :) Oh do I actually miss that... I felt so useful... I was all proud of myself as well... Thinking Go Girl... Super All Star Domestic Women... ha-ha... I have no clue why they were popping in my head... But funny as heck, you can even admit that....

Okay I am going to say bye for this two part comment today... You know I am good for writing you a novel no matter if it is here in the comments section, or the actual letter. So I will say bye Hun... Miss you like crazy... Super Hugs and Big Wet FAT Kiss... (No clue being a dork... been in that mood since I got your letter today... So it's your fault Hun... :))

Love you always, your Valentine's ~~ Felicia

~~~~~~~~ The Five Question Game ~~~~~~~~

Original Submission: April 11, 2007 05:58 AM EDT

Okay Everyone,

   What you are about to read is a piece of a letter I sent to Josh. I was thinking one night that we could try to play a game while we were apart, but I also figured he might not be able to attend or play the game really since he was in Basic Training and they do not have much time while they are down there. So I at least wanted him to know how I felt about him. So what I did was I created Five Questions that I would ask him in regards to me, but also I would than basically ask myself the same question but more in regards to him, and I would write him the answers and send them with the letter, so he could have an official idea of how I felt for him.

~~~~~~ The Five Question Game ~~~~~

These Questions I ask you, I will also answer as well.

Please remember this is kind of like a building exercise... If you truly do not want to answer any of these questions, no pressure... I actually feel like some of the questions I have wanted to ask you, I can finally ask.  Mind you there are others and more personal ones but for now. I am just trying to do questions that will reinforce our friendship. :)

1.      What is your favorite feature about me?

Josh, my favorite feature about you, besides your eyes, which are the unique shade of blue that is just captivating, is your smile.  When I see you smile, the close lip smile you do, reassures me that everything will be okay, everything is good. It is almost like a safety net in a way.

2.    What is the one thing you dislike or finding annoying about me?

The one thing that I would say I dislike or annoys me about you is how you can never get mad at someone, even when they have done something completely fucked up (reference how people have fucked us or even simply you over, and you have let it slide, and try your best to act like nothing happened) and heck I know there has to be things about me that either you dislikes or annoys you. 

Now I have a feeling that probably the one thing that either annoys you or you dislike the most about me, is how I never let a subject drop.  If I am right, just let me know. But if there is something else, please let me know.

3.    Why I am your (best) friend?

Josh you are my best friend for numerous reasons.  Most of the reasons why you are my best friend are also the reason I feel in love with you. Sorry to get all sappy on you, but I do not know if it is the fact you are so far away, and being able to write these feelings down I can be so open about everything, finally.  But everything from your caring heart, even though at first and still can be quiet or non expressive of your feelings and emotions, I have still be able to see how much you care for someone or something when you allow them in your heart, to the way you have done the best you can at the times to protect me.  I know it sounds silly, and I believe I have said this numerous times, but you are the only guy I have ever let get as close as you have to me.  I still to this day with maybe you not even realizing it protected me from my father when he used to live here with Mom and me.  My father never dare raise a hand to me or even lay one on me while you lived with us.  At numerous times you felt like a burden to our family, heck Josh honestly in my eyes you were never a burden but a protector for us.  Heck after Dad left who was the man in this house, you were.  You were the one that was the one Mom and I needed to help us when we needed assistance.  Heck Josh you have been more than welcomed in our family, you have become our family.  Honestly, you are my family. Especially these days I consider you more my family than my father has been in the last few years.  Yes I know he is my blood, but you are not even but you have cared for me so much throughout the last few years.  More than I have ever expected from any guy.  We have had our blow ups, hell we have been at each others throats, but no matter what we have always forgiven each other for whatever our fight was about.  Also, Josh you have let me be the annoying, know-at-all, has to have the last word in, can't get right to the point, rambles and is all over the place girl that I am.  

4.    What is your favorite memory with me?

What is my favorite memory with you? Well that is a tough one.  Especially since we have or at least I have had so many great memories with you.  I would honestly say it is a tie between New Years Eve 2005/2006, and (I know this sounds kind of ironic) the night you moved out of my house.  Now mind you in regards to the night you moved out, it is not one of my most favorite due to the fact you were moving out, that honestly I can say was one of the hardest times I have ever had to go through with you.  It is something that you did that night, which made it one of my favorites.

(New Years Eve 2005/2006) That evening while at Therapy I asked you if I could have something from you.  Now mind you, I have honestly wanted numerous amounts of these from the minute I feel in love with you.  I asked you that night for a kiss, and you granted me my New Years Wish.  You gave me a kiss which was when the song Miracle by Cascada was playing.  I honestly felt so happy when you gave me that kiss.  It was the first time we kissed again since prior to us breaking up.  (Okay I need to ask you a side question, honestly if you do not want to answer it no worries, No pressure at all, I just need to ask: Do you ever regret us breaking up when we did? Or do you think the time in between when we did and now, it has helped our friendship to be as strong it is now? And if so why? Sorry Hun, I have been wondering this for the longest time.  Again if you do not want to answer these questions no worries. Just my mind has been in hyper mood and thoughts have been popping out.)

(The Night you moved out) On this evening, I had been trying to stay as strong as I could for as long as I did.  I figured I could deal with you leaving, and moving out.  I was trying to convince my self for the days leading up to that night, I was fine with it.  But honestly I truly was not.  Even though, now looking back as much as it hurt than I think we needed to just to get our asses moving.  But I still to this day miss having you here all the time. I miss coming home and you being there.  I miss you not sleeping in the same room as me.  Knowing you were only a few steps away.  (Actually honestly I miss sleeping next to you... Now that brings up another question.  Now I have never had an issue with you sleeping next to me, ever, so do not think I do.  But honestly have you had feelings for me longer than you have let on, or let on to me at least?  I ask this due to the fact you seem to always want me close by, hell I want the same in regards to you. But when ever you have come to stay here after you moved out, there was the extra bed, but you primarily have always slept next to me.  This as a result, on numerous occasions has left me so confused.  Honestly even if you are not sure about your feelings towards me, that is fine, I just figured I would ask.)  Not having you around all the time, honestly still doesn't really feel right.  Although, I know it has helped me be more independent, but at the same time, I miss being able to just go to you and talk, even though you have always been the more quiet one between us, Me the one who can open up about pretty much anything.

Okay so back to my original point.  The thing that night that was considered one of my favorite memories with you is the fact when I finally broke down and went upstairs to our old room and started balling.  You came upstairs, after you loaded Amanda's car with your stuff, to find me to say bye.  You came in the room, and I was so ashamed to be the way I was.  You came up to me and told me everything would be okay.  You choose, not me asking, you told me you had something to give me.  I asked what, and you said a Kiss.  That was one of the most bittersweet moments for me ever.  I was happy for the kiss especially since you choose for it to happen, there was no pressure from me, and the huge hug that followed I just did not want to let you go.  But at the same time, I did not want to let you go and leave I was so overwhelmed that we were finally separating.

But those two moments are two of my most favorite moments/memories with you.  Mind you there are so many great memories, but I do not know those just have had a little special something with them.  I know I am a sap. Sorry for all the emotional conversation.

5.    What is the scariest memory or moment you had with me?

Honestly Josh, the scariest moment I have had with you is not by an action per say, or something you had complete control over, or even something that was planned or anything.  The scariest moment I had with you was when I realized I fell in love with you.  See the reason why I say it is the scariest moment, is due to you are my first love.  Now please understand I can officially now say looking at peoples comments over the years and in general about love, it is true you can not control when or who you fall in love with.  Sometimes it is unconditional, sometimes it seems like it is only one sided, to whatever.  When I realized I feel in love with you and it was not a simple crush, I was so scared.  Due to the fact I had never felt anything like it before.  Never felt the pain that came along with it, nor the amount of happiness that was brought along with it.  Even from being scared of the emotions attached to it, and not being able to control it.  Also, being afraid of the uncertainty of this new experience in my life, made me so scared.