by Ryan M.
Member since:
July 16, 2007

Advice please...Help dealing with a bully.

March 19, 2009 05:07 PM EDT
views: 112 | comments: 25

One of my boys in middle school is having problems with a kid at school.  Here is a little history of my son and what I know of this certain issue.

My boy has had major behavioral issues since he could pretty much walk. He was always smart but used it for the wrong purposes. We went to hell and back with him. We tried everything, counseling-he snow balled the counselor, police caught him, different principles, took him to juvenile probation- my wife worked in a non profit with him and the probation officer ended up being friends with him to where the next time he got in trouble he had to go to the other juvenile probation officer. The past 9 months have been absolute trouble free, he is treating the family alot better, not having his blow ups at school and getting mostly A's and B's. He has been a joy to have.

I am not sure when the bully problem happened but I guess this kid is aware of my sons anger issues and is trying to push his buttons to get him to fight. My son has came home early twice, the 2nd time is when he mentioned the bully. I am furious and want it to stop now.

I would tell my son to fight but the other kid is a known fighter and to be truthful my son is not very tough. My 8 year old has a higher tolerance for pain. I can rough house and wrestle with my 8 year old but the second I even try with him he is saying ouche and not enjoying it so I don't even play with him like that anymore, my 8 year old loves it though.

He is afraid of going to the principal out of fear of retaliation from the kid. Kids these days don't care about getting in trouble in school and my son would ended up in a fight.

I am considering going down there and having a talk with this kid. I will let him know we are friends with the juvenile probation officer. I want to let him know that my son is to be left alone and that he better not touch him. One hand touched on my boy will earn a charge of assault with the sherriffs department and a referral to juvenile probation.

I don't know what else to do any advice would be great.

 

 

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Comments: 25

William Dotani Mar 19, 2009, 5:13pm EDT
Write down time, date and place of any instance objectively. If you put subjective feelings in your report, it is unacceptable in most legal situations. Take these complaint reports to the principal. If he does nothing, go to the school board. DO NOT approach the child who you claim to be the bully. This could get you arrested.
Peter Joseph Swanson Mar 19, 2009, 5:13pm EDT
pepper mace ???
Peter Joseph Swanson Mar 19, 2009, 5:14pm EDT
(maybe not)
Leigh M. Mar 19, 2009, 5:14pm EDT
wish i could help, ryan. hope things get better
Vivian P. Mar 19, 2009, 5:15pm EDT
In this case I would listen to William
Debby O. Mar 19, 2009, 5:16pm EDT
I am afraid the school would not let you talk to the kid that way, but good luck if they do! It is very hard to get any satisfaction for help from the school.
Anna D. Mar 19, 2009, 5:19pm EDT
More than that your son will be label as a mommy's boy by the rest of the kids. I would suggest to have the juvenile probation officer on it and see what he suggest. Good luck. Perhaps a talk with the kids parents may help, but some tines that just make it worse.
Anna del C.
Author of "The Silent Warrior Trilogy"
http://www.annadelc.com
Ryan M. Mar 19, 2009, 5:22pm EDT
Even if the principal punishes him he probably won't care and the problem will escalate. The principal is covered by doing his part but the kid will probably be more hostile at that points.
Kerrell g. Mar 19, 2009, 5:24pm EDT
Document EVERYTHING! Paper talks! Take photos of any injuries your child may have suffered at the hands of this person, no matter how minor. Have a meeting with the principal, your son's teachers and the other child's parents. Better to nip this thing in the bud now than have this person perhaps become the next Charles Manson down the road.
Alex In Wonderland Mar 19, 2009, 5:26pm EDT
I wouldn't speak to the kid. It would make you appear threatening, even if you aren't and it would validate any ideas that the school has about your son if he gets into a fight (well dad seems to be violent too).
I would talk to the probation officer about your concerns. They are used to dealing with this stuff and may have suggestions.
If the kid is bothering your son, tell your son to walk away. If the kid doesn't back off suggest that your son speak in a loud voice, saying, "I am asking you AGAIN to leave me alone." If someone hears that it might help. Don't let him fight- it is almost always the kid who hits back that gets caught.
David C. Mar 19, 2009, 5:30pm EDT
This is a tough situation. Reading all of the comments, I think William has the soundest answer. Definitely document any and all incidents. You must stay away from the kid yourself.
Since the harassment is on school grounds, I would immediately make an appointment with the principal. Tell him exactly what you told us. If your son does wind up being hurt or touched in any way by the bully, I would then go with the police to the school letting them know that SOMEONE is going to be arrested. You'll see how fast they take care of things.
Ryan Reid Mar 19, 2009, 5:43pm EDT
all in all...you can try anything you want, but anything you do will make the kid look bad, or maybe make you look bad (nobody would belive that their little angle would bully another kid) i think your kid is going to have to deal with it, i know i did. on many occasions. see i was always the little short kid, didnt work out so well for me in high school. i ended up in a garbage can once...literaly. you know what the funny part is about all this, i ended up being friends with the kids that picked on me.
Renee S. Mar 19, 2009, 6:18pm EDT
Document everything. I would also talk with the principal so the school is aware of what is going on.
J W. Mar 19, 2009, 7:27pm EDT
whatever you do don't approach the child. you could get in serious trouble for it. go to the school and talk with them. pls
K K. Mar 19, 2009, 7:28pm EDT
Australia has some very good school interactive web sites for this.

http://www.beatbullying.org/?gclid=CKrJ0vSRsJkCFQ9JagodzG8CKQ

http://www.enoughisenough.org.au/programmes/schools/?gclid=CNeJr5qSsJkCFRwDagody2XiJA

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=dealing+with+school+bullys&btnG=Google+Search&meta=cr%3DcountryAU
DesertDarlene L. Mar 19, 2009, 8:22pm EDT
I agree with what other people have said about not talking to the other kid directly. I would work with the authorities, but don't make it obvious. Like someone else said, it would make your son look like a "momma's boy" and they will rail on him even more. But, try to make the authorities aware of the situation so that they can step in if needed.
Kat W. Mar 19, 2009, 8:23pm EDT
I've only had to deal with an issue like this once with my daughter in middle school. My daughter finally had enough and punched the girl, in front of a teacher. While I do not condone violence of any kind, I don't expect my daughter to be a door mat either. Believe it or not, my daughter got away with only a lecture from the principal because others that the other girl had been bullying stood up for my daughter.

I am sorry you son is having to deal with this. Keep reinforcing to him that he is doing the right thing by trying to ignore this bully. It is hard but hopefully he will get bored soon and move onto someone else.
Diana B. Mar 20, 2009, 1:48am EDT
I would assume that this is happening on school property, which the school should resolve this between you, the other parent(s) and the principal. Like others have stated, it is important to get documentation whenever something happens, so there is a record of the incidents. I don't feel fighting fire with fire is a resolution to the problem especially if this bully is a known fighter to begin with and in my oopinion it will just cause more problems down the road. I know my daughter's school district has a police officer that monitors the school premises during school hours, I don't know if your son's school has this or not, but if so you might want to talk to officer about the situation.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to your son and it must be very frustrating. Hopefully, you get some help from someone who can resolve this situation.
Beth - Doing God's work Daily J. Mar 20, 2009, 7:26am EDT
Thanks for sharing on Getting to 3000 Together. Helping each other reach our goals.
Beth - Doing God's work Daily J. Mar 20, 2009, 9:59pm EDT
Thanks for sharing on Helping out One another
Cortney R. Mar 23, 2009, 3:54pm EDT
I hope you don't mind the generic comment, but I am so far behind on my commenting. I have enjoyed the content of yours I have looked at though.
Ron Jenkins Mar 23, 2009, 3:57pm EDT
Contact an attorney, file a precedent setting suit against the bully and his family. Civil rights violation, harrassment, whatever it takes. If the school refuses to help once notified of the problem, go a step higher. If that doesn't work, pull the kid out of the hell hole, and home school him.
Parker S. Apr 2, 2009, 6:29pm EDT
Thanks for sharing
Beth G. Apr 11, 2009, 9:38am EDT
If this is happening at school, you should talk to the school principal and get him to intervene or to sit down with this boy's parents as well.

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