Some parents view discipline as a bad thing. Any kind of discipline they think will hurt the self-esteem of their child. Maybe it was from too much discipline when they were young or the fact that they don't want to be like their parents. I don't know.
What I do know, is that it hurts the kids in the long run. The kids of these parents become brats who won't respect any authority or ever do what they are told. These kids think they are beyond the rules.
There is a certain kid that I'm aware of now who is only in Kindergarten. Already he is blowing in the faces of other kids his age, kicking those around him, and disrespecting those in authority above him. When his parents were informed of this, they simply laugh it off. They must think little "Johnny" is just so cute.
This is one of my absolute pet peeves. Your child will not end up scared if you tell them what they are doing is wrong. They won't be horrible adults if you punish them in some way (even if you don't believe in spanking, there are other punishments.) Children long for discipline and will end up being better adults if you start teaching them early!
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Comments: 26
I could go into length on this since I'm studying to be a teacher and I've worked with a lot of children. Parents sometimes...
Today, she is 22, still living at home, only working part time, and has a reputation of a skank.
Personally I would be so embarrassed if I could not control the actions of my child. Some actions are just not controllable. However, those non controllable actions are more controllable if you control what is controllable.
I believe that all kids are born innocent and good but we as parents need to teach them.
My Son knows in his heart that even when his TV and Video games are locked in my office and he is in bed at 8pm instead of his regular 930 that I am doing it because I love him and not because I am angry at him or trying to get revenge because he did something wrong.
Now, I agree that there RIGHT ways to correct children and, most definitely, there are very WRONG ways to do it. Correcting their behavior HAS to be done CALMLY and matter-of-factly -- without any HINT of sarcasm or trying to embarrass them. Above all, the adult doing it must not do so in ANGER or with a loss of CONTROL. The other things that are very, VERY important are:
1) Correcting the unwanted behavior has to happen SWIFTLY -- IMMEDIATELY! Children's attention spans are short and they won't gain ANY benefit from discipline that waits until "your father gets home" or when it's convenient for the PARENT. It has to happen right NOW.
2) You HAVE to be CONSISTENT! You can't allow a bad behavior one day and then, suddenly, the next time it happens, punish a kid for it. If a behavior is "bad" enough one day to demand correction, it MUST be corrected if it's displayed the NEXT day.
3) Kids forget things so a parent has GOT to "keep at it"! If you're trying to teach a kid to be self-sufficient by requiring them to clean their own room, you can't just tell them to do it ONE TIME, say, in the morning and then, if they don't, just let it go and not CHECK BACK to see if it's done! Until a kid is old enough or experienced enough or you're satisfied that they are responsible enough to carry out their obligations and responsibilities after just one time of telling them to do something, there has to be some kind of FOLLOW-UP to MAKE SURE they've actually DONE what you TOLD THEM to do!
3) Kids learn the most about what is or is NOT "acceptable behavior" from the way the adults around them conduct themselves. If you want a child to be honest, you have to absolutely SURE that everything that YOU do is done with honesty! If you want a child not to have "temper tantrums", you've got to be SURE that they never see YOU having a "hissy fit" about some minor obstacle or impedement! (I once observed a parent who had been sitting, drinking beer, at the kitchen table ALL DAY try to lecture his son on the evils of smoking marijuana... How seriously do you think that kid considered what his dad had to say about substance abuse? DUH.)
My child had behavior problems. I worked with her school and we set consistent limits for her. We communicated and worked together. Through the process and several months with a behavior specialist it was determined that she is adhd. We have her medicated for the past year. Now she is pretty much problem free. She talks to me about everything valuing my opinon and she also tells me as soon as she does something she isn't supposed to in hopes I will help her correct it, or figure out a way to make amends/apologize that is meaningful. Her heart is truly in the right place. She is a good kid.
I will say adhd is NOT to blame for all bad behavior because I know adhd kids who are medicated and still super bratty and I know kids who aren't adhd who behave worse then kids who are.
Adults who blame adhd for a childs entire bad behavior are not being accurate. My daughter when not on her medicine has a hard time sitting still and can be a little loud when she talks and have a hard time paying attention to you but her behavior remains respectful and kind and loving towards others in spite of her problems controlling herself. My daughter is capable of behaving very well now even on her UNMEDICATED days.
YOU have to set limits and be consistent. Be loving to them but explain why things are not okay. Do not argue with them and be firm, your word is final. Set strong moral guidelines to give your child values! Children who are given everything they want and not disciplined are the wife beaters/sociopaths/criminals of the future. They also will be unhappy in life because with everythign just handed to them there is no satisfaction in it. Nothing will hold meaning for them because they never learned what it was like to value something!! My ex who beat me was one of these kids. His mom gave him everything and never punished him. At 26 years old his mom was paying his rent for him so he wouldn't have to wear himself out working too hard. DON"T BE AN ENABLER! Your child will thank you for it in the long run!
I personally believe it is far more humane to spank a kid once in a blue moon than to dope him up everyday, stunt his growth and ruin his physical and mental health all in the name of compassion.