by
Katie R.
Member since:
December 22, 2007
Rant
August 08, 2008 06:30 PM EDT
views: 130
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comments: 52
Ugh ... Ever since me and my girlfriend have moved in together things have been kind of rocky. I mean for the most part it has been good but it just seems like we're fighting more than what we did when we weren't living together. I don't really know what to do ... I know mostly it's me. Little things aggrvate and annoy me ... And whenever I get mad I want to be left alone and she just doesn't seem to understand that. Ugh ... I don't know but I hope it gets better.
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Comments: 52
I also had a difficult time learning to live with someone. This week and next, my guy is on vacation. That really wrecks my usual routine. Normally, he isn't around and has a hard time understanding the cats, dogs, and I have our own way of doing mornings. LOL
Hang in there and remember what drew you to her in the first place when things get hairy.
Whenever you are both calm, I would sit down and explain that you need time to yourself despite wanting to live with her, everyone needs their space. The biggest thing is to try not to nit-pick(I feel like the pot calling the kettle black here, as I was a huge nit-picker in the beginning).
I'm an only child, and needed my alone time as well. I talked with my roomies and came up with a signal(for us, it was the door being shut, but with 23 year old guys, that's apparently not always a clear signal). I used to go sit in my car until they learned I needed privacy. Just come up with something that you can both recognize(specifically, her) that means you need quiet time.
Good luck and enjoy your new place!
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Congrats on your new place, and good luck!
You may want to set aside some time to talk about, not fight, about the issues...what you both want to see change...maybe some ground rules...or what roles you feel you play in the "family unit". Without good communication and understanding each others expectations you are bound to fail.
When you go off to get some, I gotta have some me time...she may feel you are running from her or abandoning her....and for you, you may feel overwhelmed that she seems to need you by her side 24/7...neither is right or wrong, but if you don't talk and see the others point of view, you will both hurt and get alienated....
How big of a place do you have? I was able to carve out a space that was just mine and that helped a lot. If not, can you take a walk? Go to the library, just get out and away from each other anywhere?
Also, just figuring out what is really important about what is bothering you could help. Let's face it, there are things about others that we just can't change and somethings that bug you.....well, just aren't big deals to others. You have to learn to let the little things go and it helps to remember that you probably do some things that bug them too! If it is major, stand your ground and try to come to a compromise. Much better to deal with it now than let it fester!
I think it's just a natural thing to do. You're getting used to a new situation and it's going to be hard at first, but you just have to work through it.
No matter how long you know someone before moving in together, there are always some things you neglected to discuss. It's usually because there are things that you've always done, things that have become so ingrained, that you don't think about them as being something that others would not do as well.
As everyone has said, communication is important. Today, we're all too ready to have "throw away" relationships. If things don't work out, someone is ready to pack up and move away.
But if you want things to work out, you have to talk and share.